Layered Photography Blog

What if YOU stopped...everything?

Tue, 09 Jan 2024 21:37:32 GMT

Bobbie went from full hustle to full halt and discovered what God can do in a valley season.

It has been a long time coming to get to interview my friend, Bobbie for the Hope Layer Podcast.

You sure can enjoy the cliff notes version of our conversation here, as well as the powerful pictures of Bobbie that help you see what she saw. But, I promise, if you listen to our chat on The Hope Layer Podcast , you won't be disappointed!

(This blog post is sort of the "cliff notes" of our chat, and of course, the powerful pictures that go right along with it)

Enjoy! I know you will!

Bobbie started off our conversation with something like this...

It was the chilly fall months of 2020. My husband and I go away every November to Missouri so he can hunt. Typically, while he's in the woods I plant myself at the desk and knock out content creation, revamp my website, dream up new business goals, drink plenty of caffeine, and...

But not this time (except for the caffeine).

Even as we led up to our annual trip I knew there were a list of things I could work on, but nothing felt just right. The same thought kept coming back to me, just sit... just be still. Ultimately I heard God whispering very clearly to my heart and He was saying s-l-o-w down.

Ugh, the thoughts of my flesh were not a whisper - they were loud and clear - "God I don’t like slow and You know it!" I value efficiency and productivity, and this was the ultimate time to excel at those things. But I could recognize, even in that tension, that despite all of my efforts I was not bearing the fruit you’d expect from all the time and work I had putting in for the past year. So....

I sat with God. I sat quietly. I prayed. I read my Bible. I journaled.
For four days I did this - on repeat.

While this was not natural for me, nothing else felt right.

Through all this time God continued to press upon me to "slow down".

I came back to PA with these "slow down" words, trying to figure out how to be obedient, and I did "ok" at it. At about the same time, you (Jen) opened up registration for the Restorable Retreat. , and I knew I was supposed to go. I had a strong feeling about it and no hesitation whatsoever. But I really had no idea why! This too became a step of obedience, like; "ok God I’ll sign up and figure out the reason later".

I spent parts of January journaling and praying over Psalm 23 as you (Jen) had directed us participants to do. I hoped that this would shed light on the reason I was really being called to attend the retreat. My surface level thoughts all came back to things like; navigating work and family life and the difficulties that go along with a season where ambition is coupled with exhaustion from parenting littles.

But God kept taking me to much deeper places as I journaled ... and it really

caught me off guard.

You should understand a bit of my back story to make sense of the rest as it unfolds... about eight years earlier, I went through a divorce and custody battle, which ultimately spanned the course of many years. I’ll try to put it in a nutshell and say, although it was my doing to end the marriage, it was horrible and grueling and played out in ways I never could have imagined. I lost most of my family - the hardest of that was losing the relationship with my dad... and I lost almost all of my friends who had been like sisters to me. On top of all of that, I went from being a stay at home mom to having weekend custody of my son. And it absolutely wrecked me .

I eventually remarried, had two more children, began to make a few new friends and create a new life BUT I still felt a deep sense of loneliness and abandonment that ate me to the core. Most of the time I just kept it all pushed down and ignored it the best I could.

It was too much to process, and I couldn’t even imagine attempting to work through it.

But God... right?

But God is such a good and loving God. He knew I needed to walk through this. He knew that you, Jen, and your Restorable Retreat were going to be the catalyst for my healing.

These things were unfolding, and at the time, I was still kind of confused by all that was coming to the surface - namely things about my dad. But with the busyness of daily life I couldn't fully sit with it, and I would wonder what God had up His sleeve for my time at the retreat where I would finally be able to focus.

Then... wouldn’t you know it - God was about to give me alllll the time I needed as He brought my life to an interesting halt. The week before the Retreat, my then, five year old son, broke his foot in a sledding accident, and there I was with this kiddo who couldn’t walk to do anything or go anywhere (for 8 weeks!). He was in Kindergarten and needed to continue to learn, but could no longer even get to the bathroom (or the kitchen table, or bed, or anywhere else!) without me carrying him! All this while managing his pain and really scarred emotions (not to mention, all of the other responsibilities of life that still needed to be done). That might not sound like a halt - because it sounds like more work - but it was both.

Now, THIS really woke me up and got my attention. It forced me into a full stop in so many other ways.

I was so torn as to whether or not I should attend the Retreat now with my son's injury, but my husband was so supportive and still felt I should go. And, Jen, you said something to the effect that of course it was up to me, yet, it may be a good idea to have this soul care time before I step into the next eight weeks as caregiver. So, I decided to come, albeit, apprehensively, but now I can say that I am SO glad that I did.

The Retreat experience was so multi-faceted. It’s hard to describe how you can feel so well-taken care of in so many ways yet be deeply struggling to face your IT.

I not only faced "it", but I began to walk through "it" with gentle shepherding.

Jen spoke God’s truth to each of us. Words that we so desperately needed to hear... needed to believe. It helped having open conversations, knowing we weren’t alone. It helped raising up our voices to sing in praise and worship. It helped to think and journal in a well-thought out guided way.

And the junkyard... ohhh, the junkyard! It was an experience that I did not expect at all!

Honestly, I thought I was going to find a cute little truck from the 1950’s. Nothing too beaten or broken... something that would make for a good picture and a nice connection to my past, as I grew up in a “car family” surrounded by various antique vehicles over the years. I wonder how many times God lovingly smirks at my naivety.

As I walked through the rows of broken down this and that's, I thought to myself - "am I going to know when I find it? What if I don’t find anything? What if there’s nothing here for me?"

But, it didn’t take long... and here it was staring at me in all of it’s rusty giant glory. A big ol’ work truck with tool boxes and a huge bed for hauling heavy loads.

It was speaking right to me.

As I stayed there, my sadness grew while so many emotions and thoughts rushed in. I texted you, and then pulled out my notebook and began to scribble through my tears.

Maybe I was writing to the ol' truck, likely to myself - kind of both...
"You worked so hard to help, to serve, to please so many people, yet here you sit - abandoned... walked away

from.... I bet there are still tools in your boxes, still ready to serve... but the longer you sat in abandonment the harder it became to function, to imagine serving anyone again. You’d try though, you’d keep pushing, keep carrying the weight, keep taking care of everyone until you physically couldn’t anymore. All while remembering what it feels like to be abandoned. Wondering when you’ll be left again. I wonder why they left you here?"

My notes continued as I tried to process all of these thoughts but also reflect them against what you, Jen, had poured into us the night before. It was a mess of emotions that only got deeper when you showed up to photograph me with my trusty work-truck.

You had me get close to it to snap some shots, then asked me to look inside as you took some more.

And I couldn’t believe my eyes... there inside this truck - randomly - sat a croquet set. It would mean nothing to anyone else, but to me it was a very clear sign!

You see, I associate croquet with childhood cookouts and parties. My dad and stepmother’s side of the family would play this whenever we got together and I always loved it. It’s not something you see people doing often! So, this "random" croquet set in an ol' work truck was like a nod from God saying if you weren’t completely sure about all of this - here’s your sign!I still get goosebumps when I think about it.

I still get goosebumps when I think about it...

Later that afternoon, we all sat around the dining room table of the B&B painting signs. I cherish my sign, it says; ‘there’s always hope’.

I can still see my hand shaking as I was painting my sign and telling my junkyard story to our group. It was so powerful to me.

A s I mentioned, this weekend became a catalyst for my healing, and I’m not sure where I’d be now had I

not attended.

To learn more about the Restorable Retreat, CLICK HERE

When I returned home I found myself literally stopping a long list of things as I felt God leading me.

Ultimately, He was leading me to forgive my family and my dad. He was leading me to forgive, because of course I played my part in how things had happened.

I assumed that “stop” would last just eight weeks while my son recovered from his injury. I thought that would be long enough. I would come back to the full swing of things again, refreshed, or reset, or something.

Again God smiles. But the “stopping” actually lasted a year!

I literally stopped...

• working - both at organizing & coaching... (it was not easy)

• posting and promoting my business... really I stopped social media altogether... I just

“disappeared” (this wasn’t as hard as I expected, it was actually refreshing)

• striving to show up the way I thought the world expected me to (this has taken a lot of

effort)

• holding grudges and embraced forgiveness (only thanks to God’s hand in my life)

• worrying about things & people beyond my control (this is a daily work in progress)

• micro-managing (some areas have been easier than others)

• worrying about the weeds (literally & metaphorically)

• holding unrealistic expectations for my season of life (this requires frequent reminders to

my overachieving-self)

• running ahead of God (where did I think I was going without Him anyway)

It’s easy to write that list now. It was not easy to acknowledge those things in the moment. It

was even harder to be obedient and follow through with what I finally acknowledged as

necessary. Only with and through God did I do it. I wish I could say this is where life got easier

and I learned all my lessons quickly. I wish. But that’s not how it played out.

Even in the stopping, that year became quite the downward spiral.

My son’s foot (thank God) healed fully, but he continued having emotional issues that required a lot of attention. This is a story in itself so I’ll leave it at that. Months later, by October I was in full surrender - I just started waking up saying, "OK God - what do YOU want me to do today?"

There had also been a strong calling on my heart to come to a place of forgiveness with my dad.

The emotional toll of that alone wore on me through the year as it was something I continued to

work on internally because I knew to my core that God was laying it on my heart to heal. I even bought him a Restorable mug at the retreat and wrote (re-wrote and wrote again) to him a long letter, but never had a chance to deliver it. It was interesting, the various events that kept me from visiting him each time I had planned to. My dad then became very ill in November and we lost him in mid-December.

With so many ups and downs that year, I came into a crescendo where I was barely functioning. Had I not "stopped"... well, I can’t imagine how much worse I would have been - I would have had no hope.

January 2022

I wanted so badly to save that truck from the junkyard. I wanted to haul it home. I felt that someone needed to save it. Someone needed to love it again. I even got up the nerve one

day to talk to my husband about bringing it home to salvage!

But, I had it wrong -
I thought I needed to be the Restorer. When in fact, (I found in time) that there’s really only one true Restorer. God is the only One who can make all things new again.

Remember my sign I mentioned - your tag line - “There Is Always Hope”? Well, there really is, and

I’m so grateful for your sharing it. God is a loving and awesome God. He will use all of our pain for good.

I definitely had a painful year, but He used every tear, every sleepless night, every bit of confusion and sadness. I can honestly say that I am thankful for it. I learned to lean on God... to the point of complete surrender.

Through my year that started with the idea of "slow" and moved to a full "stop", I began to move into a place of "what do I do now?"

The discomfort of not knowing what He wanted me to do (but knowing it wasn’t what I had been doing) ultimately created a spirit of obedience, which required surrender, which allowed me to be led, which required me to be still and rest in/with/through Jesus.

That surrender, obedience and following transformed me. He transformed me. God used it all to change me from the inside out. He drew me close through it all. Ultimately, He taught me how to be led. And I believe now He wants me to teach others.

So, here’s the happy ending we’re all waiting on...

As the dust settled (so to speak) in January ’22 He replaced all of the sadness, confusion and anxiety with His PEACE. Just like that.

God’s peace is like nothing you can get from this world. It is incredible and almost unbelievably confusing - because it doesn’t seem possible to go from all of that chaos to a calm, centered and happy heart. But I did. Because God loves me and He loves you too. He loves you that much

and more, more than we could ever fathom!!

How about you?

Are you feeling nudges to slow down, pause, rest, step back, learn to say "no", or completely STOP?

If so, I'd love for you to share it with me. You can email me at Jen@layeredphotography.com.

Thank you so much for walking with me here.

If you want to hear more from Bobbie's heart, or attend one of her winter 2024 gatherings, then CLICK HERE, and don't forget to sign up to receive her emails (& mine!).

If you would like to receive life coaching from either one of us, then please email Jen at Jen@layeredphotoraphy.com or Bobbie at Hello@bobbiedull.com

Fighting voices in my head - HOPE!

Thu, 15 Jun 2023 21:55:30 GMT

It ached to hear the harsh words that she knew could be her own,
yet it felt so safe and reassuring to know that
God sees her and wants her to have new lyrics in her own heart.

Her anxiety and nervousness began to grow
as her layered photography session grew closer.

She didn't have a plan for her pictures.

She just KNEW that, for whatever reason, she needed to do this.

So she resolved to hold her hands and heart open to what God might have for her.

Michelle was driving around Lancaster county earlier that day, passing the time in fun ways while the anxious thoughts of a camera taking her picture grew in intensity.

She turned on the radio.

Maybe it was out of habit, or quite possibly to distract herself from the anxiety.

Or, maybe God would have something to sing over her in this impending moment?

A new song played that she couldn’t help but lean into and listen.

“I'm fighting voices in my head

Voices in my head telling me that I'm not enough.

I'm not pretty and I'm broken, I'm not worthy of love.

Voices in my head telling me that I should give up...."

The unknown woman sang the words through Michelle's speakers.

It felt like words that she could have written herself.

The song played on….

"Words, they can cut so deep

Why do I care so much what people think?

I wonder who I'd be if I didn't have insecurities..."

Was this moment in her car a moment where tears fell or a smile grew?

Maybe it was a moment intended for both?

It ached to hear the words that she knew could be her own, yet it felt so safe and reassuring to know that God sees her and wants her to have new lyrics in her own heart. Did He have something beautiful for her to discover about herself at this soon happening photo session?

Still anxious, yet overcome with a new feeling of nervousness mixed with anticipation and joy, she played that new song again…

"I'm fighting voices in my head

Voices in my head telling me that I'm not enough

I'm not pretty and I'm broken, I'm not worthy of love

Voices in my head telling me that I should give up

I'm fighting voices in my head...."

Michelle knew that she needed to partner with God and fight the debilitating power of these false beliefs.

But, its so hard.

These words are firmly set in. They are strong-holding beliefs.

The old familiar inner dialogue began.

Her very own experiences and memories remind her that these voices are true. Who is she to disagree with what others say? Who is she to disagree with what seems so true? The voices that are regularly whispered in her heart feel so very loud and clear that she has grown ready to affirm and agree with them.

Why oh why do these voices keep shouting even after praying?
Even after fighting?
Why do they tell Michelle to believe things that aren’t true?

God saw her there, on those Lancaster county roads.

He wanted her to move away from the voices that were her debilitating false beliefs.

He longed for her to feel the freedom that Truth has to offer her.

She played the song again and listened to lyrics that felt like were her own…

"Stop it, I can't take another minute

I'm going crazy with these voices that are spinning in my head

Tell my head to listen to my heart"

Could her heart ever agree if she fought the inner arguments?

What would become of her?

Who would she be?

The false beliefs are so familiar…like an identity… her identity.

Though painful, they can almost feel like home. A prison that maybe she has grown safe and familiar with.

Change might be scary…

"I'm fighting voices in my head

Voices in my head telling me that I'm not enough

I'm not pretty and I'm broken, I'm not worthy of love

Voices in my head telling me that I should give up"

What if she told those voices to “ shut u p”.

“Go away!”

“I believe you, but that doesn’t mean your are True!!”

And again…she listened to the song.

She began to listen (& sing) as if she was choosing to go to battle with her false beliefs.

She listened again and again as a deliberate choice to agree with God, rather than give in to the familiar prison of lies.

"I'm done with voices in my head

Voices in my head, I know that I am enough

I am pretty, I'm not broken, I am worthy of love

Voices in my head I know that it's time to give up

With all these voices in my head"

The music grew in intensity as MIchelle felt the fight for freedom grow inside of her.

"I'm fighting voices in my head

Voices in my head telling me that I'm not enough

I'm not pretty and I'm broken, I'm not worthy of love

Voices in my head telling me that I should give up

I'm fighting voices in my head....."

Michelle’s tears fell as her heart felt God’s kindness.

He gave her this song in this moment, for this moment…and it could b e her song for the rest of her life.

God loves her so much.

The crescendo of the music slowed down.

The background noise got simpler.

And the gentle sweet voice of the musician sang through the speakers of her car as if God Himself was singing directly to Michelle in that moment…

"I am strong,
I am beautiful"

God IS strong.
He is beautiful!

And, Michelle was made in His likeness and image.

God declared, when He made her, that His creation of her was “very good”!

Michelle is strong. She is beautiful!

Michelle texted me about what she was experiencing with God as she drove around the dreamy farmlands…

This was not an accident.

It was no coincidence that God saved this song for this anxious moment.

God wanted her to get these photos taken. He wants to free her from the voices that debilitate her.

Michelle pulled her car, with the NJ plates, right into the farm pasture.
She could have turned around, changed her mind, and said “no” to this thing that she felt God was nudging her to do.

But, she showed up.
That was all God was asking her to do.

She showed up surrendered and open handed.

She was timid and nervous, but saying “yes” to this step of faith.

It was now time for her Layered Photography session, so we walked together in the pasture with her new favorite song playing over the phone’s speaker, and I took pictures as the song played over and over again.

"The girl I used to be

She was confident and free,
and happy.

I don't recognize myself

Or this person in the mirror

Staring back at me"

Something that you don’t know about Michelle, is that she is fun and silly, and she loves to dance.

She loves to allow music to bring out that light-hearted girl inside of her. The girl that she knows. The girl that, sometimes, she used to know.

But, unfortunately with Michelle’s debilitating foot pain, she has restrictions from not only dancing, but also, the simple act of walking on uneven ground is difficult and painful.

Yet, something arose in her to choose to expose her bare feet there in that prickly old pasture. It was part of the dreamy picture in her mind, of that maybe someday farm girl who would walk through the fields barefoot. And in this moment, she chose to take her freedom a step further as she not only walked out onto that pasture, but towards the end of our time, she chose to change the tune, get a little silly, and dance as if no one was watching!

Goosebumps covered my body as I saw this precious woman be reminded
of what truth and freedom can feel like.

There in that pasture, she worshiped her Creator, her Voice of Truth.

Through my own teary eyes, I looked at Michelle and thought, "could anything be more beautiful?"

A month or so later, we sat together in a coffee shop looking at her printed pictures and I asked Michelle several follow-up questions. And, I specifically remember a question that stood out to me the most because her answer was so beautiful.

I asked....

“Michelle, who do you see?”
She said; “I see someone who looks like a good friend. I would like to be her friend”.

I couldn’t agree more.

We discussed a bit of what that would look like, to be her friend. Then, I asked the question…

“What if you lived a life believing the truth rather than believing the lies?...

What would life look like?

What would it feel like?

What might need to change?

Friend, with Michelle’s permission, I am sharing a piece of her story,
because I KNOW that she is not alone in this fight with false beliefs.

So, can you relate?

What would life look like if you chose to resist the lies
and cling to the Truth that God says about you?

Is there risk in letting go of false beliefs?

What if you told yourself the Truth…right now.
And, then tomorrow, when you forget, what if you told yourself the truth, again?
How about the day after that?

Could a new and beautiful path be created in your brain that could
give you more freedom for each new day?

I believe there is hope!

I believe that lies are powerful and need to be intentionally battled.

Lies want to imprison you.

“The Truth will set you free”

I believe we can tell God all of our debilitating thoughts and beliefs. We can ask Him to help us make the choice to turn from the lies.

I believe we can ask God to show us something beautiful and true, and then we can ask Him to help us be willing to see and believe the Truth.

I believe that we can turn from lies and move towards thinking on things that are true, lovely, pure, praise worthy, of good report…

I believe that God died not just so that we can have heaven after earth, but also because He wants us to experience life here on earth… an abundant life.

I believe that this journey is not easy, but with God's help it can be lite.

Michelle has given Jen Mininger permission and rights to share this piece of her story, and her pictures to go along with it.

She is fighting the voices in her head,
and she hope you will too.

"I can't take another minute

I'm going crazy with these voices that are spinning in my head

Tell my head to listen to my heart

And my heart says

I'm done with voices in my head

Voices in my head,
I know that I am enough

I am pretty,
I'm not broken,
I am worthy of love.

Voices in my head I know that it's time to give up

With all these voices in my head

I am strong, I am beautiful"

SONG - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMZmWfJXXeQ

Seeing light in the dark.. and dark in the light.

jen@layeredphotography.com (Jen Mininger) — Fri, 02 Jun 2023 17:43:31 GMT

Acknowledging the dark as well as the light
feels so honest and helpful in these moments.

Although, I will warn, that it can also feel raw and not always easy,
YET it is a kindness to ourselves when we start with honesty, isn't it?

It is both, difficult and kind.

So, the women at the retreat went home with a mug that reminds them to take TIME to be honest about their hard stuff AS WELL AS the good stuff.
To take time to look at the bright side as well as the dark side
…because both are true

These mugs are made of a rough and raw black clay that has a smooth white glaze washed over the top half of it.

That white glaze is to remind US that the God of all hope
is in the process of restoring
OUR rough, raw and dark places
that may be lying below.

Restorable mugs are always lovingly and locally hand made in Lancaster County
by Amy Burk Potter y
https://www.amyburkpottery.com

To order your 2023 Restorable Mug please email Jen

Local pick-up -
Restorable mug with “hope” tag - $28/mug
Minimal Restorable mug without “hope tag - $25/mug

Shipping -
Add $7 for 1 mug or $10 for 2 mugs

May your mug feel like a warm hug as you consider
the both/and in your story.

May you start here, with the truth that will set you free.

What two truths do you need to hold today?
May you tell God about it.

What do you need to let go of?

Thu, 01 Jun 2023 18:54:55 GMT

Letting go.. or saying "no" can be SO HARD !

We don't want to, we'd rather be awesome, all the time, in all the things!

BUT... is that really working for you and your people?

What do you need to steward
(manage, maximize or multiply)
better?

Do you need to let go of something
so that you may better steward something of more value…
for a season?

I have been asking God, and myself, this question a lot lately. I tend to beg God for quick clarity, but then I'm reminded that clarity for direction is often a process of many conversations that lead to more questions and deeper revelations. (personally, I think that God just likes it when we talk to Him)

It's good. Refining.

It is helping me discern, and I am thankful to look back and see how God keeps leading me to my next “small lit step”.

So, is this question for you too?
Try asking it this way…

Maybe you have some clarity for your next right step.

You know some non-negotiables that you will say “yes” to and steward better,
but then there are those things that you just aren't sure of - yet.

If that is you, then consider asking these further questions…

1. What thing do you want to steward better?

2. Would it be helpful if you were to let go of something?

3. If you let go of that thing, could you thrive in a more valuable area… for a season?

4. What is something that you may need to let go of?
Is it an ideal?
A fear?
A business?
A hobby?
A relationship?
An unhealthy habit?
A distraction?
An overly full calendar?
A task that could be delegated?
Rigidity?
Perfection?
Expectations of others?
A deeply rooted bitterness?
or _____________________??

Remember , “it is good to look at BOTH sides of a matter”..

Like, choosing to say “no” to some-thing for a season may not mean that the thing is bad, but it may not be what is best, for now.
(unless, of course, that thing is actually bad for you!..
Oh God, please help us let that thing go!)

I know. This might be tough.

Letting go of something,
so that you may better steward and thrive in a more seasonal thing is tough,
and may actually lead you to some deeper questions, like…

Hey friend...
These have been such powerful questions for me, and I believe they can be for you too. If you want to consider what God has for you in this area of stewardship, then I am happy to walk alongside of you as you consider these valuable questions.

You just need to take the next step and email me to see if Biblical Life Coaching will help you as you discern what you may need to let go of so that you may better steward what is more valuable in this season.

If you are afraid that your "it" will overtake you then read this story from the Restorable Retreat

Wed, 05 Apr 2023 17:44:49 GMT

Tracy leaned into the old car unafraid
of the dirt and rust that she was now touching.

Her manicured hands rubbed the chipped and rusting paint as she talked about this car to me.
And before we walked away, she laid her cheek on the roof
with an almost affectionate hug and said,
“I don’t want to leave her!”

Why would she do that?

What made this cute woman, who enjoys; make-up, jewelry and fashion, well-up with tears over an old junked car?

Why would she feel so relaxed and at home in this moment and in this place?

It was a cold, muddy, wreck of a place with nothing but abandoned junk.

What was it about this old car that drew her in
and caused her to forget about her unfamiliar surroundings?

The car she chose to help name her “it” was broken,
seemingly beyond repair,
and likely considered a “total loss” when it was brought to this place.

But, where the rust and dirt didn’t take over, she could appreciate the bright teal paint that once shined. The fins on the back were not made for function and survival,
but rather for sass and beauty.

To Tracy, this yucky old car looked vivacious, beautiful and worthy of love.

She cared for this car.
She would have liked to have taken it home with her so she could find some way to heal its old wounds. She wanted to see how it was intended to be… beautiful, free, fun and full of life.

This car reminded her of herself.

As she looked closer to the details,
she noticed the little emblem on the front, just above the headlights.

It was dirty and faded but she could still see something that,
to her, looked like two arms held high.

Two arms surrendering.

Two arms worshiping.

She saw that even the broken and busted up ones can draw us
to the One who still sees life and hope for us.

Even in the darkness.

Even while surrounded by the appearance of “too far gones”,
there was enough light and beauty that she could stand
with joy and expectation as she felt seen and fully known by God.

The darkness didn't overtake her...
but rather, Light invaded the dark,
causing Tracy to shine with hope and expectation,
rather than stuck feelings!

She saw that old broken thing and felt connected to it.

She saw herself in its beauty and sass,
as well as in its beat up and broken.

She looked at it and somehow felt further heard and understood.
She even felt likable.

She felt seen for all of her “too-far-gones”,
as well as for her spunk and liveliness.
BOTH were part of that car, BOTH are part of Tracy.

Time stood still for a moment in that cold space as she leaned into the car
and said with the cutest adoration,
“I don’t want to leave her”.

And as Tracy embraced and loved the damaged old thing
she felt God’s warm embrace over her.

HE knows her .

He gets “it”.

HE sees all of the damage inside of her,
but HE also sees - HE KNOWS of the beauty
that is wanting to blossom from within her.

He knows there is hope for her future.

HE embraced her soul and her storied past there in that junkyard.
And, as Tracy didn't want to leave her "broken" car,
she began to see how God doesn’t want to let her go.
Ever.

He wants to get her out of this trapped state,
to make her run like she has never ran before.
He wants to lavish love and appreciation on her.

There, while acknowledging her vulnerable, raw and damaged state,
Tracy felt chosen and absolutely adored.

HE sees her in the thick of her damage and loss and He doesn’t turn away,
but rather He takes His clean hands and holds her, unafraid of her.

He lays His cheek on her head as He embraces her and says…
“I don’t want to leave you”.

So, lets go back to my original question here...
why didn’t Tracy want to leave the old, dirty car?

And, why didn’t I want to leave the junkyard that very first time I captured my heart there?

I believe it is because it was a moment of feeling seen and known for us.

It was a moment where we felt so aware of our brokenness, yet fully loved.

In the junkyard, we were able to give ourselves the gift of honesty, fully acknowledging what our body already knows to be true.

We took time to go to some hard places in our stories.

We didn’t shy away from our “it”, but rather we looked at it's hard face, and instead of feeling completely overtaken by the pain, we felt some relief as we released a pressure valve of emotions that needed to be acknowledged.
And what we discovered to be true, is that we can feel safety and comfort in the dark valley.

There in that junkyard,
Tracy took the courageous step of seeing
her story in that old car.

She was brave to be honest about what is so difficult,
and, instead of being overtaken with disappointment,
she saw a deep and beautiful layer of hope
that was just waiting to be revealed.

Friend, as you may have heard me say it before....
"we cannot restore our own souls".

We cannot work hard enough to fix the broken parts of our stories… BUT , we can say “yes” to acknowledging what is true.

We can take time to put words to our feelings as we talk to our Soul’s Restorer, and we can trust that He WILL care for us and restore us in the thick of it.

Some of you may know that you are able to do this by yourself, you know that you are emotionally stable enough to talk to God about your “it”. And, if you know that you can "go there” alone, then please, go for it. Pour your heart out to God, naming and being honest about what has you inwardly defeated. Take the time and I believe that you will find hope and freedom on the other side, after all, you are never truly alone. God will lead you through “it”.

BUT, for most of us, we also could use a companion to walk into the valley of the shadow of our deaths. While God promised to shepherd us THROUGH our “it”, I believe that He has also given us the powerful gift of some safe humans. If you want to get well… If you want to feel hope, and taste freedom from your shame, pain, bitterness, anger…. But, if you are concerned that acknowledging your “it” might overtake or overwhelm you, then please, consider walking with a professional counselor, a Biblical Life Coach or a deeply trusted friend.

And as you do, I pray that instead of being overcome with your pain,
that you will be overcome with how loved you are,
and that a deep and beautiful layer of hope was always inside of you,
ready to anchor you..

Hey, did you know that I am a certified Biblical Life Coach?

I am discovering more and more how much I love walking with women in this way!
Maybe I can walk with you too.

If you would like to consider if Biblical Life Coaching is a fit for you,
then mention this blog post to receive 50% off your first session.

For more information on coaching with Jen, CLICK HERE.

Love lessons from Belize

jen@layeredphotography.com (Jen Mininger) — Wed, 30 Nov 2022 17:53:12 GMT

As I said in an email to my Belize Trip Prayer Team..
“ I am thankful. Actually, I am dumbfounded, humbled and in awe.”

I did it. I went to Belize and then to Albuquerque, NM!

I traveled through 6 flights. Navigated 5 airports. Slept in a small building, by myself while hearing holler monkeys outside. Allowed myself to trade my sweet family time for time with strangers.

I trusted God to guide me through something that was far from my normal… definitely outside of my comfort zone.

Yet, I thrived.

I left with fear, reluctance, apprehension… and tears.

And now, after a week of settling in back home now, I feel so so grateful that God pulled me out of my own head, away from my “controlled” rhythms and routine so that I may feel His love in deeper ways.

I wonder, why does God do that?
Why does He allow us (& sometimes call us) to be stretched beyond what we think we will be comfortable with, so that we may know Him and His love more? Sometimes, I wish there was another way..

It seems to me that God often uses the hard stuff to show us the truly good stuff

It can feel like an impossible mountain to climb when we move to a place of surrender. It can feel dark and scarry when we enter into a space without all the answers or information. The months that I spent be-laboring over whether or not I “should” say yes to this trip were exhausting. At the end of my be-laboring I still didn’t have many answers, I just KNEW that God was nudging me forward. A deep knowing that God loves me was all that I had to keep me taking those next steps into this unknown trip.

I’m learning that arriving at a place of “surrender” may not require climbing, but rather laying down and resting.
Yet still, I tend to climb, wrestle and fight for what I think will be best for me…. that is not a peaceful place to be.

(Can you relate?)

And now, that I finally have a bit of a view from the other side, I see some of the beauty and light that He has for me. From the point when I laid down my fear and moved forward (literally at the Newark airport) into a space of leaning on God to be the controller of all things, THAT is when I began to see and experience His light and love for me. His rest.

,

Many of you have asked about my trip. Many of you prayed for me. And, I just cannot even begin to express to you how much your support, your champion-ing, and your care has meant to me. I am so thankful. I am so loved.

I would love to give you an update that shares all kinds of Belize (& Albuquerque) goodness, but honestly, I’m still processing. So, while I will attempt to share some of it here now, I kind of think that some of the love-lessons (gifts), may end up in future podcasts, or emails or something. For sure, the love-lessons will come out in my coaching and the retreat… how can it not?!! But, since I am not really sure, I’m just gonna take my time and receive as God leads me in His loving way.

For now... here’s some cliff notes of five gifts that I received. Five “love-lessons” ….

“God is my home”

While in Belize, I felt homesick for my family. I would look at their pictures on my phone and tears would fill my eyes (pathetic? .. maybe.. but, whatever!). Then, on my first night in my quiet room with no wi-fi or data, I knew that God was my home. He has been and always will be my constant home.

God was with me as He was forming me in my momma’s womb. He smiled at me as I grew. Felt sadness for me as I experienced hard times. He was there when I walked down the aisle and there for the birth of our babies. He has moved with me from PA, to MD, to NJ and back to PA again. He has been with me through the 25 years of home-making routines of dinner making and laundry washing.

HE is my home, and I could be comforted that the God who knows me, really, really knows me, was with me there in Belize. I went to sleep each night with that truth.. With that comfort. Emmanuel, God with us.

I didn’t want to miss anything that God had for me. I didn’t want any distraction pulling me away from the opportunity to be really alone with Him. I didn’t want to squander this opportunity. So, my time with Him in those quiet moments were, at first, a potential to be a little nerve wrecking, but I was quickly able to move into the gift that I knew it would be.

And, there, I felt at home.
With God.
God with me.

“God is Love”

In my quiet moments I was able to spend time journaling, which for me is just praying on paper. I get distracted when I pray, so writing helps me focus, plus I know that there is something science-y good and therapeutic for us when we put pen to paper.

In my writings, I recognized quickly that I was asking God over and over.. "why God, why do you love me so much?" Daily I would pour my heart out, asking questions, and expressing my worship on paper. And, daily I found myself asking Him why He is choosing to love me in this way. Until one day, I sensed His very simple and wonderful answer.. "because I AM LOVE".

Ohhh.. right! Duh.. God IS Love. It is His very nature, personality, essence, and character to love.

I can rest

So, with God as my ever present “home”, and His love so strongly over me, I felt more capable to do hard things (like find my way to a terminal that was under construction). I was able to be a competent adult with other adults (even though I still feel like the little sister/little girl wherever I go), and I could be more OK with myself, and just relax... rest.

Simply being away from all my daily to-do lists, powerless over what was getting done or not getting done at home. So far away from any emotional needs that my kids might have… I was sort of “forced” to let go of control (cause, let's be honest. That’s what it is… control!!). God lovingly invited me to “be still”/rest/relax/release and KNOW that HE is GOD.

God can manage all the things without me! He can manage the things in front of me!

Our NJ pastor (Ed Banghart) used to say that God doesn’t need us to be the CEO of the universe..
So I can rest, which often looks and feels like a deep trusting in the actual CEO of the universe.

God is not done with photography

While God sure is shifting me from conventional photography to do more with coaching and retreats, He reminded me that this craft of photography is so therapeutically valuable, and He reminded me that LISTENING will continue to be a huge aspect of what He will be doing through my gifts and my lenses.

It was a joy to capture A.T. & Crystal (the lead couple that AIM has sent to Belize) with their family. It blessed them so much!

As I approached photographing the Belizean culture, as well as the property that AIM is purchasing for “after-care”, I approached it as I would Layered Photography. I first listened, and from there, God so kindly led me to know how to capture these things.

Pictures continue to be a powerful tool that God can use to help communicate, and I am so glad that He has not finished using my cameras to communicate hope and freedom to those in need.

NO ONE is too far gone

As the team and I sat around meal tables, took tours of their future property and planted citrus trees at a current “after-care” property, we soaked in the amazing opportunity to learn first hand about the fight to end sex-trafficking.

I learned very quickly that the more that I knew, the more I knew that I didn't know.

The trafficking industry is very deep and complicated. While AIM has been successfully used by God to battle this horrific thing in Cambodia for 18 years, they are now at a new infancy stage in Belize. It will take years to continue to learn how to effectively rescue girls and restore them to a life that God has designed for them.

“Freedom at all costs” is one of AIM’s taglines.. I learned a bit more of what that means. (if you want to learn more, check this out )

I learned about how hardened some of the women can be just after being rescued from slavery. Abuse may be the only way they know. These girls and women have every reason to not trust another human. Many of them were sold by their own families. I learned that prostitution is legal in Belize and that not long ago, 14 year old girls were considered adults, making them extremely vulnerable humans.

It is so tempting to get discouraged and lose hope for this massive mess of an industry, but GOD IS BIGGER. THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE! Because, while I learned some seriously heart-breaking facts, I also learned stories of past enslaved women (as well as their male predators) who have experienced radical life-changing love and freedom! They not only heard The Gospel for the first time, but they saw it in action and their lives changed through the unrelenting love of God through AIM.

I was moved and humbled as I heard stories of women, who endured massive amounts of abuse but through God’s love, they can now live with a passion for justice as well as forgiveness! Some survivors are now thrivers and are able to find purpose in their pain. Some have even gone back to the places of pain for the purpose of bringing hope and healing to others.

It's a miracle.

It is evidence that no one is too far gone!

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:19, NIV

I am the LORD, who opened a way through the waters, making a dry path through the sea. – Isaiah 43:16

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. – Isaiah 42:16

The crooked roads shall become straight, the rough ways smooth. – Luke 3:5

Friends, I am so excited about how God is using AIM and expanding their reach.

They are doing truly amazing things.. AND truly hard things, but they get to have front row seats to some miraculous hope-filled stories! It’s pretty crazy!

These people that God has called to be on the front-lines in Cambodia and Belize are real people just like you and I. They have families, struggles, bents, weaknesses, talents.. and gifts. Please pray for them. Pray that they will not lose heart. That they will not grow weary in doing this good work that God has begun in them.

And, feel free to help yourself to their website at AIMFREE.ORG . You may discover that they have a SHOP, as well as an opportunity to buy CUSTOM t-shirts . Or, if you would like... reach out to me and you can buy a Restorable T-shirt that AIM made for me. The more t-shirts I sell... the more opportunity that I have to hire the rescued girls at AIM in Cambodia to make us more!!

And now, God, do it again— bring rains to our drought-stricken lives, so those who planted their crops in despair will shout “Yes!” at the harvest! So those who went off with heavy hearts will come home laughing, with armloads of blessing. Psalm 126:6 The Message

Many of you have been asking me when I will go back to Belize..
What are my plans?
Will this be an annual trip for me?

My answer?…
I had nooo clue that God would invite me into this kind of trip.

I also had no idea that I would ever host a retreat or consider life coaching.

And I have no idea what He has in store for me tomorrow.

Sometimes, that truly scares me, but I remind myself of His faithfulness (Lamentations 3:21) and how His leading has allowed me to have some amazing front row seats of watching women at Restorable Retreats move towards healing and freedom! These reminders of God’s faithfulness give me hope and an ability to take my next small lit step into the unknown tomorrow.

Really, do any of us know what tomorrow holds?

We don't.. but we can be sure that the God of all hope is offering to be our constant home.

He wants to lead us with His kindness.

He wants to show us that He will light our path along the way toward a beautiful view that reminds us that "GOD IS LOVE".

To you who may be low on HOPE or overcome by fear.....

The God of all hope is helping me move forward anyway....
and He can help you too.

May I hold hope for you?

Sincerely,
Jen

Church.. its kinda like a junkyard, isn't it?

jen@layeredphotography.com (Jen Mininger) — Wed, 13 Apr 2022 10:20:05 GMT

Aren't we all like that line up of broken down cars?

Don't we all just want others to see the best in us?

Don't we all long for someone to come along and bring us back to life?

In the depths of our souls...
aren't we all longing for a soul restorer?

I was sitting in a room with a crowd of people. People that I never met before.

I must’ve been in an insecure place in my mind.. Or maybe just grumpy. Suffice it to say, I was likely having a bad day.

As I sat there, I looked around the room curious about those that I was surrounded by. And, eventually, I realized that I was, sort of, sizing people up. Its not cool, but I was judging others based on the very little bit that I was seeing.

For some, I felt compassion, but, (truth be told) for others, I felt criticism.

It was the night of Good Friday.. ya know, the night where some churches gather to remember Jesus' death on the cross. The Friday before we celebrate that He came back to life to save us ALL...

It was Easter weekend, and I was sitting in a church we were visiting for a Good Friday service. We were all facing the same direction, singing, and attempting to spill out words that were true about the One who created all of us.

And, to be honest, that evening, I was vacillating back and forth from singing to God, to having negative thoughts about those who were standing near me.

Then, out of nowhere, God, in His kindness, reminded me of a picture in the junkyard.

Suddenly, God reminded me of a photo that I took of several vehicles slumped together in the junkyard.

They were a whole mess of broken down cars and trucks. Some were looking too far gone. Some looked pathetic and desperate. Others looked not "too bad", and I could see that there was even some potential for their future.

But, in their various conditions, its like they were all looking for a Mechanic and saying…
“Choose me, I want to be worthy of your care.”

They were ALL in the junkyard, in a broken state, for various reasons. Some were there because of something that happened to them, while others were there because of their own choices.

I was there too.

Friend, aren’t we (sometimes) ALL attempting to live with our broken stuff while longing to receive some kind of perfect Love?

I sat there on that Good Friday evening in a new-to-me large room, suddenly aware of my crappy attitude.

And, rather than feeling condemned by God In that moment, I felt grace.

So, I received that grace and decided to go easy on myself for my negative thoughts. I chose to cut myself some slack and receive grace for my criticisms and judgments.
I mean, maybe, I was just trying to see how I fit into that new environment…?? Right?

But, so were they, and I needed to repent of my spiraling negative thoughts.

The reality is, we all "fit in", cause aren’t we all just a whole line-up of a mess of us?

And, isn’t the church a bunch of people gathering
because they recognize that they need something bigger than themselves?

We are a line-up of people acknowledging (atleast inwardly) that we don’t have it all together,
and we, on our own, can’t get it all together.

We all have brokenness, and we all need a soul Mechanic.

Its a good thing that God loves the broken so much.

So, may we sing together, in the mess of our messiness,
because our mess does not change the One that we are looking to, rather our mess makes us more aware of our need for The Soul Restorer.

Isn’t that why we are gathering there together anyway...
because our brokenness is drawing us to the One who can give us hope?
A hope that I need, and a hope that the people around me needed that night.

Friend, if church isn’t your thing… If church people have hurt you or left you feeling a bit of a distaste for it all. May I remind you that in some ways, the church is like a junkyard… a whole line of broken people looking for perfect Love.

You are welcome there.

So is he. So is she. So am I.

When you step through some church doors this Easter, and I hope that you will, I pray that
as your mind shifts from thinking about the One who loves the broken, and you wander and begin thinking about all the broken ones around you… may you remember that we are all in this junkyard together. We are all looking for hope for our souls… We are all looking to the One who came to live in the proverbial junkyard and sacrifice His own life so that we could be restored!

May you too receive grace in that place… and may you consider extending it to the broken ones around you.

Are you in a heated season?

jen@layeredphotography.com (Jen Mininger) — Tue, 24 Aug 2021 00:00:35 GMT

I'm pretty sure that following my dad around arts & craft and car shows

left a lasting impression on me.

I used to listen as he asked questions to various artisans.

My dad was mesmerized as he learned how each one would create their piece of art.

From painting, to jewelry, to cars, to wood & leather work, to knife forging...
he had a respect for all of it.

Dad would have loved to come along with me as I photographed this knife forger.
He would've been so captivated.

But, I got to go alone for this one.

This time, I got to use my craft to capture another craft.

I got to ask the questions about this art.

And, now,
I was the one mesmerized by the skill and devotion to create one-of-a-kind knives for home and hobby.

As I watched this particular craftsman, bring the metal
to the heat and hammer it over and over again...

I began to imagine MY Master Craftsman.
He crafted me in my mother's womb and continues to craft and refine me for a life filled with beauty and purpose.

I bet there have been times where the "Master Craftsman"
has allowed you to go through the heat.
Hasn't there?

At times, Its been hot.. red hot.. painfully hot ..

Hasn't it?

There have been times when He has taken red-hot-moldable me,
and chosen to hammer out some things that were not serving me or others.

He does this to shape me into His beloved piece of art.

Sometimes, I fight it.

Other times, in the midst of the heat and the hammering,
I've looked at My Heavenly Craftsman and saw
the most sincere love, devotion and dedication in His every move.

He has a passion for my good.

He desires to bring out the beauty that is under my hard layers.

He wants to help shape my life into a meaningful, purposeful and abundant life.

What about you? Are you in a heated season?

Are you able to step back and see your Master Craftsman, your Creator, your Savior.. Jesus?
Do you know that He wants to craft all things together for YOUR good?

Do you feel hope for the deep and beautiful layer underneath
your restorable story?

Mark your calendars for The Restorable Retreat 2022 on February 25- 27th.

If you would like to learn more about the 2022 Restorable Retreat,
then be sure to sign up for my email newsletter (below.. "stay in touch") , and then check to make sure that "Jen@layeredphotography.com" is in your contacts list ... we wouldn't want my emails to go to your spam folder!

What restores YOUR soul?

jen@layeredphotography.com (Jen Mininger) — Thu, 05 Aug 2021 11:20:13 GMT

There is just something about taking pen to paper. Something that I sure don’t understand, but know that there is even scientific evidence backing up that writing things down impacts your brain.

So, this past winter I chose to write down Psalm 23. Left side of my journal - Psalm 23. Right page - my reflection. Everyday. I did this so that I might receive something deeper as I was preparing for the Restorable Retreat. And, then I decided to invite each of the retreat ladies to do the same and receive alongside with me. I chose that famous chapter in Psalms simply because of verse 4… “He restores my soul”.

I’ve spent several years now pondering about soul restoration.

I’ve mulled over it, written about it, and have received a hope that is deeper than I can understand. A hope, that has become a deep belief, that my soul, and the souls around me are truly restorable.

God has hope for our souls, so much so that He chose to allow His only Son to die on the cross for us. And, if He would actually do that (which He did)... if He would actually make such a radical sacrifice, then HE must have hope for us.

Soaking in this truth day after day, and I am convinced that NO ONE is too far gone. We ALL MUST be restorable in His eyes if He would do such a radical thing for us.

But, sometimes this “hope” thing gets misunderstood.

We hear the word “hope” or “restorable”, and think…”Not my circumstances”. To which, I CAN’T always argue.

God doesn’t always restore our circumstances, does He?

God doesn't promise to change our finances, our health, our marriage relationship or status, or our children’s choices, but rather, He is all about restoring SOULS.

And as I was preparing for the Restorable Retreat this past winter, I imagined some of the attending women. Women who would really love it if God would just restore their circumstances. And while my heart felt heavy for them, I also felt so aware that God wanted to breathe hope into their stories with the too-deep-to-understand Truth that He is in the process of restoring our souls. In fact, He may even be using that hard circumstance for their soul’s restoration. And, I wondered, if we could acknowledge and believe that our soul was in the process of being restored, how could that possibly affect our hope, and maybe even our view of our hard circumstances.

So, as God was calling me to create this safe and nurturing environment, I felt so pulled to follow the example of the Shepherd in Psalm 23.

I have grown to absolutely LOVE the visual from Psalm 23. The picture of a shepherd.. The Good Shepherd. My Shepherd. And the picture of a sheep in the valley of the shadow of death.

God is the Shepherd and you and I are the sheep in the story.

And, while we are in the thick of our death valley/ our hard circumstance, God, our good Shepherd remains with us and leads us THROUGH it . Like when a shepherd leads his flock of sheep, He protects them from predators, and leads them toward what they need while in and while getting through the depths of a valley.

The women at the retreat privately named their valley. We called it their “It”.

“IT”... the thing that knocks them over, makes them angry, or brings tears to their eyes. They were honest with themselves and with God while they sat safely on the couches and in their bedrooms at the retreat.

Most of us wished that our hard thing wouldn’t even be real. We wanted it to go away, or if that couldn’t happen, we wanted to HURRY UP and get OVER it!

BUT, when we looked at Psalm 23, we saw that the Shepherd didn’t snatch the sheep out of the valley. He didn’t even rush them by making them run night and day until they “passed through it”. Rather, we noticed how the Shepherd encouraged the sheep to lie down in the very thick of it. (and I think… “no thank you, lets just keep moving and get past all of this darkness!)

He laid them down in what was likely lush, green valley vegetation with the soothing sounds and availability of refreshing water nearby. (and sometimes… I don’t even want to take the time for rest, beauty and nourishment, I’d rather keep hustling and working until all the hard was somehow “fixed”)

While the sheep rested there in their valley, the Shepherd remained there with them, standing guard to be sure to protect them.

And as I dreamed and imagined what that kind of pasture nurturing would look like, I pictured the old farmhouse that we lived in for 7 years.

This farmhouse was not exactly a dreamy Magnolia Home. In fact, some days, I would say that it was more of a tear-er-downer rather than a fixer-upper. It was cold and drafty in the winters, and the upstairs, where we all slept, only received heat that rose up the walled stairway.

One might say that the house was, in some ways, part of and representative of a valley season…

BUT… in other ways, it was also very much a restoring season that offered rest, beauty and nourishment.

Honestly, there were plenty of reasons for me to want to hurry up and move out of that old farmhouse, but in so many other ways, I so badly wanted to stay. I wanted to rest and linger there as long as possible.

If I could just take you there, I’d have you stand on the balcony off of our bedroom. If you could sleep there even just one summer night to smell the fresh air and feel the breeze through that balcony door. If you could hear the calm movement of the river as you drifted off to sleep, then you might understand that there were some serious treasures in that old home.

Truly though, the dilapidating balcony was only special because of what it overlooked. Out beyond that balcony, the back porch and yard was about 11 acres of pasture land that bordered the Conestoga River. It was private, serene and the absolute best part of living there. Don’t get me wrong… there were plenty of other wonderful things like swimming in the river and playing on the swing that hung from the old bridge. There was my lush garden, the old fruitful yellow delicious tree, and the covered back porch that hosted all of our family’s meals from early spring to late fall.

But the pasture had a special place in my heart. It was a place to step away and catch my breath for a moment. I didn’t need to get into my car to go to receive from this precious space. I didn’t even need to throw on shoes if I didn’t want to. I could just walk back there barefooted to sort of free up some head and heart space.

As you may imagine... I remember other kinds of special moments too, like throwing walnuts from the old tree into the water as our youngest son and I watched them race down the slow moving river. Not long after we moved there, my husband received a rope from our friend Dean and hung a tire swing on that old walnut tree. Countless memories were shared swinging kids and adults on the old tire, as well as on the rope swing under the bridge.

As you can imagine, I also had the privilege of having many families and individuals traipse through the pasture and even in the river to capture their unique beauty with my cameras.

Friends loved coming over and eating outside with us under the old back porch roof. Many would tell us how they felt like they stepped into another world… a world of calm, a world of simplicity and a world of safety. It was a special space that often blessed people with a breath of fresh air, and time to relax. (Yet, not many would have chosen to live there in this sort of dilapidated place… remember, there was something about it that made it a valley place... an undesirable place, that somehow souls still desired.)

THAT imagery and those memories… they are just a small fraction of something like what the Shepherd may have offered the traveling sheep in the pasture while in the valley of the shadow of death.

He didn’t change their circumstances, rather, He invited them to rest in the midst of them, to discover treasures in the presence of the hard, and to see the beauty that was part of the valley.

As I would take breaks from the old farmhouse to walk back into the pasture, sometimes I, like the sheep in psalm 23, chose to literally lie down. Just me, the tall grasses, the sound of the water and the wide open sky above me. It was like a little reset in the day for me.

God gave the sheep a little “reset”. He led them to lie down for rest, beauty and nourishment, and then He led them on paths towards right choices. He restored their souls as they moved and as they paused along the way.

So, I knew that the Restorable retreat needed to follow the Shepherd’s example by creating a weekend that offered rest, beauty and nourishment. It needed to somehow be a safe space where weary women could engage in the process of true and lasting restoration. One of my prayers was that as they received and dug deep that they would taste a deep layer of hope that could anchor their souls.

And, so they did. And it was so rich.

It was rich for some like the lush and nutritious green grass might have been for the sheep in a valley.

It was rich for others like a peaceful sleep would be while a protector stood over them and cared for all the weights of this world.

It was supernaturally eye-opening for some as they took a breather from the hustle called life, and saw a deeper beauty that God wanted to offer them.

Mostly what they needed to do was just say “yes” to taking the time. They needed to be open to what God might have for them.

Ok, I just made it sound kind of easy, didn’t I?..

But, the truth is, it isn’t always easy to say “yes” to taking time for soul care. In fact, it is so hard that, for some, it feels absolutely IMPOSSIBLE.

Like the one woman who showed up exhausted after leaving sudden chaos in her home, it was hard. She felt so pulled to stay home, be responsible and care for her little boy with a fresh new injury.

Or like the other woman who was choosing to step away from her sweet toddler for the very first time.

And then the woman who didn’t know if she was making a good financial decision.

The countless concerns, insecurities and fears that so many of them faced as they considered being in a new environment with women that they never met. Would anyone like them? Would they feel awkward the whole time? Were they the only one who struggled with social anxiety or even snoring?

BUT GOD… God kept nudging these women, and pulling them to go.

Just step away, be open, receive and TRUST the Shepherd to care for it all… to care for them.

Trust, while in the thick of hard decisions, isn’t a snap of the fingers.

In fact, sometimes it is a deep wrestling match with all kinds of emotions. To hold onto control and fear is more or less a natural response, but letting go of all those things, and stepping into trust… well, that is where true rest is found.

In fact God told a group of people in the Old Testament that they wouldn’t even be able to enter rest because of their unbelief. (Hebrews 3:19)

And as God continued to nudge these retreat women to trust Him with their concerns, they eventually said “yes”, and chose to take TIME to receive from Him. This time, it happened to be through the Restorable Retreat.

So, we created a beautiful weekend filled with deep meaning, safety, rest, beauty and nourishment.. And it was great, really great. As I tell so many, “it was supernatural”...

but then we drove away, and for many of the women, Monday came.

They hit the ground running, because life is full and the demands are many. These were responsible women caring for the needs in front of them.. And that is all good, BUT… like so many of them said, “they needed MORE TIME”.

Taking time for rest, beauty and nourishment is hard to choose with all of life’s demands, and heaviness.

BUT, we CAN choose it.

We can choose it on an intensive retreat weekend, and we can choose it regularly on our own.

In a sense, we need to keep going back to the “green pasture”. We need to keep our hearts so attuned to our Shepherd that we sense His regular invitations to receive for the purpose of soul restoration.

Our family no longer lives with a green pasture outside of our kitchen window, and I can no longer step outside to see the sunrise or to listen to the river’s moving water.

But there are other “green pastures” in my life.

For instance, even though I don’t always feel like it, I choose to move my body by running or walking on the roads near my home.

I also know that when I take time to create, whether through my camera lens, a paint brush, my kitchen counter, or other avenues, I feel a freshness, like a-wind-in-my-sails sort of freshness.

Other “green pastures”, for me, include planting and picking food straight out of my backyard… There is just something about being in the dirt and watching things slowly turn into food for my family. It just doesn’t get old for me, and that time in the garden or by my chickens is often a bit of a “reset” for me.. It sort of has a way of clearing out some cobwebs in my brain and heart, and keeping me grounded in a way that being on my computer screen too much can’t.

But, I think that above all, the “green pasture” that leads me best towards soul restoration happens on my couch each morning. I grab a glass of lemon water, wrap a blanket around my legs, and begin talking to God on paper. Maybe you would call that journaling. For me it is a space to talk to God without my brain distracting me. I can tell Him anything. He carries my burdens, and as He does, I often find myself led to thank Him for this and that. And then, after pouring my heart out for a time, I get to pull out my Bible so that I can be taught and inspired by the Greatest Soul Teacher and Caregiver ever. Without these regular “green pasture” moments, I think my soul would feel choked rather than on a path towards restoration.

For one of the women at the retreat, she chose a “green pasture” moment by walking outside to go and feed the goats. Some of the ladies chose to lie down and take a much needed nap, while other women found their “green pasture” by taking time to talk with other women while painting signs at the dining room table.

For sure, each of us women moved towards soul restoration when we trusted our Shepherd to keep us safe while we acknowledged and named our death valley. It wasn’t easy, but it was some of the best soul care that we have chosen to take time… in a long time.

“Green pastures” could be found at the beach or the mountains, or right through your kitchen window.
Possibly starting a gratitude journal or listening to music that directs your heart and mind towards Truth.
True rest, beauty and nourishment is also found when choosing food that satisfies your hunger as well as your spirit.

Bottom line?... Rest, beauty & nourishment that points us towards soul restoration is not only found on a weekend getaway, but can also be discovered in our everyday lives. If we are willing to trust our Shepherd to care for us enough while we receive from Him.

Whatever your “green pasture” might be, I hope that you know that it is ok to take a break from the hard or the hustle.
It is ok to lie down and get a breather.
It is ok that your soul needs rest for restoration.
It is ok for you to choose to receive in the thick of your valley, and when you do, you are ultimately choosing to trust God while you lie down in it.

"He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; ... even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me." Psalm 23

To learn more about the Restorable Retreat 2022
be sure to sign up for my email newsletter,
and save the date on your calendar for February 25 - 27, 2022

How "naming it" points you towards hope and restoration

jen@layeredphotography.com (Jen Mininger) — Sat, 20 Feb 2021 02:15:56 GMT

"The only way to deal with the anger (or depression, or anxiety, or....) was to deal with the wound that I was covering with anger"

- Vicki Smith

"The process (of walking through "it") must be important because that is God's usual mode of growing us."
- Vick Smith

"So the joy that I have now is not in denying that I live in a broken world....
it is based on the HOPE I have in Christ!
The freedom I feel from anger is well worth the process"
-Vicki Smith

Friend, these quotes are just a small fraction of the goodness!

Head to Hope Layer Podcast, episode 17 to listen to a very personal interview with my counselor, Vicki Smith.

And may you step towards hope, healing & restoration!

Listen here

How long until I am restored?

jen@layeredphotography.com (Jen Mininger) — Wed, 06 Jan 2021 15:41:56 GMT

On April Fool’s Day 1978, my father-in-law bought a 47 year old car, and it was no joke!

This 1931 Model A Ford coupe was in pretty bad shape. In fact, this old abandoned car was left to rot at a reservation in Arizona.

To some it may have looked hopeless, too far gone, and possibly even worthless. And, the bullet holes on the car made it clear that this car was good enough to be used for target practice on the reservation.

But, to my father-in-law, it looked like a long awaited and hoped for treasure, bullet holes and all.

So, he purchased this dilapidated old car for $1850, and took it to his garage. From the get-go committing to this car was an all-in dedication. He got the old coupe onto his trailer and began the haul down the Pennsylvania Turnpike. It would be a couple of hours until he could safely park the car in his garage.

While the Old coupe and the family’s ‘69 Chevelle wagon were cruising down the turnpike, my Father-in-law heard a loud noise. And, with immediate fear of the unknown and a quick glance backwards he saw that the spare tire on the back of the old coupe had somehow gotten loose and was now freely bouncing down the highway. Without much time to think of options, he hurriedly pulled over, jumped out and began running after that tire on the loose! As my Father-in-law was sharing this with me, he kind of chuckled at himself, imagining what a dangerous scene that was as cars were swerving and braking!

Stressed, rightly afraid, and with his heart nearly beating out of his chest, he was now rolling the tire back to safety, and resuming the Old Coupe’s haul to its new home.

Ya know, it might be kind of weird to think about… but, if the old coupe had thoughts of its own, I wonder what it would have been thinking when being jostled from what might have become familiar.

What would it have felt while being taken into a place unknown? It's possible that it may have felt excitement and freedom when imagining the possibilities.

Or, possibly, it could have been scared and reluctant to the coming change.

Maybe it became comfortable with it’s broken down state and didn’t even want to be restored.

If the Old Coupe had a will of its own, maybe it purposefully threw the spare tire to the pavement in some sort of rebellion.

Kind of silly analogy… but, what if, right?

I mean, sometimes when God is choosing to restore me, I can go kicking and screaming. I don’t want the change. I just want to be left alone in my seemingly “safe” state. Change is unknown, and the unknown can be scary when I don’t trust my Restorer. So, I resist the movement of God’s restoring hand. And, sometimes, I even fight it.

And, that is one thing that makes this analogy different.

An old broken down car doesn’t have choices,
but God, my Restorer, gives me the freedom to choose
whether or not I want to take part in His restoration process, or not.

As you may have guessed by now, my Father-in-law, the family wagon, the Old Coupe, and the spare tire made it safely home. And, for the next 3 years work would ensue for this massive restoration project.

Of course, in those years were moments of sincere joy and excitement, as well as feelings of overwhelm and discouragement. It was a huge undertaking, and on top of this restoration project he was in the midst of raising three sons, one would be my future husband. So in 1981 the old coupe began to collect dust in the space of the garage that the guys nicknamed, “The Hole”.

Maybe you can relate to feeling little to no progress in your own soul’s restoration. Sometimes we can feel like we were left to sit in a dark corner with no vision of hope for our future.

If there were thoughts and feelings under the Old Coupe’s hood, would it have felt abandoned at this time?

Maybe hopeless, worthless, or too far gone?

Did it feel worthy of being given up on?

Did it understand that the mechanic didn’t lose love or heart? Surely the old coupe didn’t understand my Father-in-Law’s plans and intentions. It wasn’t the car’s role to know why it was left to wait.

I’m guessing that my Father-in-law would sometimes go out to “The Hole” just to look at his now dusty old coupe. He would imagine its storied past and think about all the hard work that it would need to get it up and running again. Some may have given up at this point, but my Father-in-law hung in there. He believed that it wasn’t too far gone. His dreams of what the end result might look and feel like would surely spur him on to not lose hope, that someday this old thing would drive him out of that garage.

His dreams for that old car didn't involve restoring it back to its original state, rather he dreamed of making it run like it never ran before. Run with more power and speed that would have left Henry Ford jaw-dropped, especially since he chose to put a chevy motor under the old Ford’s hood. He didn’t plan on fixing its original weak wheels, but instead he chose to purchase new, beefier wheels that could hold bigger and stronger tires to be able to live up to the power that he imagined would someday be under its hood.

A day would come when he would completely tear out the interior and replace it with seats that would be reupholstered from a discovery found in a junkyard. A new steering wheel, headliner, speedometer….everything would change so that it would be transformed into a clean and sleek place for a driver and passenger to cruise in.

He loved the Old Coupe for what it was while sitting in the “The Hole”, and he loved it for what He would be able to restore it into, someday . But, it had to sit and wait for his hand for seven long years. I can think of other stories that had to wait 7 years, but, I’m gonna do my best to stay focused here.

Cause, there came a day when my mother-in-law and father-in-law had the talk. It was time to either get rid of the dust collector so that maybe another restorer would bring it back to life, or it was time for him to dive back into the arduous project.

So, he got back to work.
An hour and a half each day after work, and about 6 hours every Saturday.

Countless hours of sparks flying from the grinding wheel as it took away what was no longer helpful.

Cutting away what could actually cause more harm.

Like a cancer that spreads to destroy a body’s cells, and like a bitterness that grows to harden a heart… rust could eat away at the steel on his old coupe, if not aggressively, yet tenderly cared for .

Month after month of getting everything tuned just right so the Old Coupe would be able to drive again with a power and speed that it had never even dreamed possible.

New Chassis. New running boards. New metal and strong welds that would eventually be covered and protected with primer and new layers of shiny blue paint.

And my mind wonders as I curiously wait with hope for what my Restorer might be doing with the bullets that have wounded my soul.

My father-in-law figures that he spent well over 2000 hours of invested time into this thing.

Another option could have been to give up on the Old Coupe. Buy something else, maybe even a kit car that didn’t require such heart and soul. But, no, he loved the Old Coupe and chose to continue to press on.

Unfortunately, the process of restoring my soul is sometimes similar. It feels so long, hard, even bleak at times.

It can be painful as my Restorer grinds away the unhealthy parts of me. Agonizing as He rips out what felt familiar.

It sometimes feels excruciating and torturous to be under the knife of soul-restoring... for so long...

and I sometimes wonder, will I ever run with such freedom and strength like my father-in-law’s old coupe does now?

How long will it take for God to restore my soul?

One thing I am learning is that God is a patient Restorer.

I recently find myself replaying and listening to lyrics written by “Hillsong” -

“You could have saved us in a second, instead you sent a child”.

Those words grab me in my discouragement. They give me perspective and offer me hope.

Hmmm…. Why didn’t God choose a faster way? Why did He choose to send a baby who needed time to grow into a man for the purpose of restoring my soul?

One thing I know, is that this man, Jesus, really KNOWS what it is like to be fully human… He can relate to my feelings of impatience and heartache.

So, I listen on as Hillsong's words remind me that life has seasons. Seasons that can be so difficult and long, yet offer so much fruit.

“Like frost on a rose,

winter comes for us all.

Oh, how nature acquaints us,

with the nature of patience.

And like a seed in the snow,

I’ve been buried to grow

For Your promise is loyal

From seed to sequoia.”

The words to this song draw me in.

How often have I felt buried by it all. Deep in the dark, with no light to see that there is hope.

Those seasons can feel like no progress is being made, and that possibly my Restorer has forgotten my state. Or worse yet, when He is ripping out what is unhealthy in me, I feel confused and hurt by what feels like His LACK of care for me, rather than feeling His compassionate care for my soul.

Truly my Restorer’s ways don’t make sense to me all the time, especially when I’m in the dark…
for a season.

And Hillsong sings on…

“Though the winter is long even richer

The harvest it brings

Though my waiting prolongs even greater

Your promise for me.

Like a seed,

I believe that my season will come”

I choose to believe these words are true… and I am even able to call to my mind times in the past when I have seen the Restorer’s progress on my own soul.

Hope begins to be felt.

“I can see the promise

I can see the future

You’re the God of seasons

I’m just in the winter

If all I know of harvest

Is that it’s worth my patience

Then if You’re not done working

God I’m not done waiting

You can see my promise

Even in the winter

Cause You’re the God of greatness

Even in a manger”

I wonder if, at times, my father-in-law got discouraged at how much work needed to be done yet.

I know I get discouraged at times when I feel the lack of progress in my own heart’s story. And, I am reminded that it is good for me to look back and to see what my Restorer has already done in my life . Just like I shared in the last post … “I recall God’s faithfulness, therefore I have hope”. Lamentations 3:21

Where are you at in your heart’s journey… your restoration story?

Are you overwhelmed? Defeated? Discouraged?

Can you recall seasons of darkness where God's faithful hand broke through and gave you hope?

You know, that “old coupe” is no longer the “abandoned car”, the "project car", or the "broken down thing", rather it is now considered "The Street Rod”.

My father-in-law brought it to his garage in 1978, and then after 17 long awaited years, he got to drive it out of the garage and onto the road for the first time in its restored state.

It is no longer used for target practice. It no longer sits in “The Hole”, but rather it is a beautiful shiny blue with a powerful motor and a radio that happily plays the “oldies” while driving to car shows. And, would you believe that “Old Coupe” is now an award winning show car?

I bet those kids on the reservation would have never imagined the story of this old car’s future.

And I can’t help but wonder… do they know that there is a chance for a crazy and wild hope for their story too?

Do you know that nothing and no one is too far gone?

The process of being restored might be long and even bleak at times, but take heart, because your Restorer is in the process of tenderly and carefully restoring stuff inside of your soul...
and, possibly even, someone else’s soul in your life.

Do you know that God can bring life to the seemingly lifeless?

And maybe if you begin to believe this, then you will no longer call yourself (or others),
“too broken”, “too far gone”, “reckless”, “hopeless”... or whatever.

But maybe someday you will be able to identify yourself with the dream that our Restorer is dreaming for you.

And, as you grow to know this Restorer’s love for you, and you begin to trust Him more, then maybe you will be able to rest rather than fight your soul’s restoration process.

I am fighting to choose to press in and believe that underneath all the layers of rust and loss is a deep and beautiful layer of hope. It just needs the Restorer’s thoughtful and loving hand… and sometimes this kind of heart work also needs time.

Hang in there friends, He is not finished with you yet.

There is always hope. We are all restorable

If these words resonated with your season, then I'd love to hear from you. You can send me an

email or find me on facebook and instagram .

Let me know how you are doing in your season.

AND, if you would love a weekend filled with soul rest and restoration, then I would love for you to join me at the Restorable Retreat !

Registration is open until February 5th. Click here for more info.

Thanks so much for journeying with me here, Jen

How to have hope

jen@layeredphotography.com (Jen Mininger) — Tue, 08 Dec 2020 13:51:11 GMT

a gift to whom it may concern...

Have you ever felt so compelled and excited about a gift that you wanted to give, but then talked yourself out of it? I have.

Well, a week ago we lost a friend who I’m pretty sure never talked himself out of a gift that he felt compelled to give. He was a giver, a good friend, a reliable source of passionate care, and just last week, we hugged his wife, his children and his much loved friends as we shook our heads in disbelief that we won’t be giving or receiving with this friend anymore.

This man and his family loved our family so well.

They used to give entire days to babysit..or maybe we should call it “entertain” our kids. They even once invited us to visit on their family vacation. One time, our friend visited an empty NFL stadium to prop up handmade pictures all around so that our 11 year old son could get a virtual tour. And I remember how Him and his daughter took “Flat Stanley” to the Grand Canyon with them for one of our kids’ school projects. I will forever cherish the recipe book that he hand delivered for our daughter. He not only bought her this book, but he chose to go the extra mile to pick out a recipe and supply the pan and every ingredient for it. He would surprise us with soft pretzels and New Jersey bagels, but I think my personal favorite was when he stood in my foyer not holding back the tears in his eyes as he prayed for my family. This man, KNEW how to be a good friend.

So, our family drove a couple of hours to be with his hurting family. Just to be with them. We had nothing else to offer, other than our presence… but it turns out, that our presence was a gift. Our simple act of “showing up” was used to make this shocked, grieving and newly widowed friend feel like God loves her.

Friend, I am compelled.

I am compelled to be like these friends of ours. I want to be a good friend too. I want to love over the top. To not question or doubt my gifts and then ultimately talk myself out of the nudges inside of me to be a good friend.

So, today, I am not sensing that God is nudging me to surprise someone with bagels, or recipe books. I don’t sense an Him urging me to babysit for a day or provide raspberry sorbet for a mom who just needs a little time to herself.

Rather… I (once again) feel the nudge to just do my next right thing for a friend. Funny thing is, I’m not even sure who that friend is that I am called to give to today. So, I offer my gift to God, as a step of trust that He will deliver my gift to the recipient who needs it today.

My gift?
My act of friendship kind of love?

It is words that I have already written about hope. Words that I felt God nudge me to write down maybe a month or so ago. Words that I have questioned if there was any value to them.
These words, a potential gift for a friend, that I have held onto and talked myself out of offering.

But, today, I want to be like our friend who is now at home with Jesus.

I want to give without question my offering.. I just want to GIVE it. I want to be a good friend. I want to trust that what God placed inside of me, might be used for someone else’s good today.

So, to whom it may concern,...

Here are some words that I wrote down for you ...

May you feel God’s love as you receive this little gift of hope...

The sun rises… as well as anxious thoughts.

Because, sometimes, life is just hard.

Circumstances rock what once was thought to be stable.

Like a child innocently playing at a beautiful water's edge, the waves come and knock her over. Again.

Tossed and thrown by the waves, with no anchor to hold her in one safe place.

Safety begins to feel like an illusion.

HOPE ANCHORS THE SOUL .

Hope for a changed circumstance or an improved situation? Maybe.
I mean, that’d be nice. So, it is asked for.

The desire to have that thing changed is poured out into a prayer, and then another prayer. Actually, a whole lot of soul spilling out onto a Father’s lap so that He will surely know what is longed for.

But, maybe that thing won’t change. Maybe, like Paul who repeatedly begged to have his thing taken away from him, we beg too. But what if God pours back, “ My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in your weakness”.

Ok, God, I hear you.

And, somedays that is all that is needed.
An imagination of a supernatural power forming inside of me. A power that can only come out of a deep, abiding dependency.

Hope, then, anchors the soul.

Then another day passes and the hope that once was, turns back into despair. Discouragement rises.

NOW , where might hope come from??!!

I pour my heart out as a lament. Though my feelings are not exactly telling the truth. The truth is, these feelings are real.

Like the sad soul in Lamentations, I repeat his words with some edits of my own:

“I am the woman who has seen affliction… it feels like God has has driven and brought me into darkness without any light;

though I call and cry for help, it feels as though God shuts out my prayer;

my soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is;

so I say, “My endurance has died; and so has my hope from the Lord.”
( Lamentations 3 )

These raw words are read, and comfort comes.
Atleast, I am reminded that I am not alone.

So, I too pour out my raw self without holding back and without pretending to sound somewhat put together. The feelings I express might not always be the truth of my reality, but the reality is, is that the feelings are true. And true feelings are worthy of being cared for.

Just after the lamenter spills out all kinds of heavy, he somehow is able to have a mental shift.

The lamenter then says the word, “but”. He says, “But, this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:”

And then, I’m like, “HOPE?”
He has hope? How can there be such a change of mind? He was just saying such awful things about his life and his view of God in his life, and suddenly he shares that he has hope? How? Where did that come from?

What did the lamenter “call to mind” that gave him hope?

He says , “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.”

The lamenter recalled God’s faithfulness.

He had to tell his mind to remember that God’s mercies never come to an end, and they will come to him fresh and new every morning.

At some point in his past, he must have experienced God’s steadfast, unending love, so he told himself to call THOSE memories to his mind.

Hope comes from a remembering, a recalling of God’s goodness.

And, since we are forgetful people, God urges us to “remember” by meeting together regularly to encourage each other, and remind each other of stories of God’s kindness. He also helps us recall His love as we pass the cup and the bread and we quietly remember HIM. His death. His sacrifice. His love for me, and my story.

The greatest gift of all time, is something that we forget. We forget how this gift empowers us to give and forgive. We forget that His perfection is so that we don’t have to be the perfect… and neither do those that are part of our lives.

So, we practice remembering by reflecting from past circumstances by ourselves, and with our friends . Because, the reality is, today is not our first hard day, so we “call to mind” how God helped us in the past. We see His provision, and we remember His care. We realize that the sorrow didn’t actually drown us. Our heart is still beating. Healthy choices have been made. We were desperately weak and helpless before. It was too big, and too hard before, and God’s strength was made perfect through that time of weakness.

The words from Psalm 40 feel like they could be my own, “ He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me…; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth”

It's a hope song.

He was good to me before, and He will be good to me again.

So, I rise.

I move forward into my day with the memories of His past faithfulness attached to me like a long train flowing freely from a dress.
Like a fresh gust of wind lifts the flowing train, memories of His faithfulness lift my spirit. I am propelled into a new day, a new mercy, and a new hope.

The remembrances and I move forward. Breath once again fills my lungs. The anxious thoughts take a break, and hope grows.

And hope... it anchors my soul. It is firm, secure and steadfast. The security and trust that comes from such a strong anchor, breathes freedom into my lungs, and I can actually believe that no matter what comes my way, I am safe. That hope-anchor… it keep me grounded, and makes me feel secure. I need not fear for the future, because this God of all hope is anchoring me.

And friend, I pray that this gift of remembering God’s faithfulness will bring a life-giving, soul- anchoring hope into your day, and when it does, may you share it with a friend, so that they too will be inspired to recall God’s faithfulness in their own story.

( Click here to LISTEN TO THE RECORDING OF THESE WORDS )

FREEDOM photos

jen@layeredphotography.com (Jen Mininger) — Fri, 25 Sep 2020 13:03:25 GMT

You know how I say at the end of each podcast, “receive from it before you walk away from it”? (listen to podcast)

Well, this is me practicing… doing that little thing of “receiving before I walk away”. I have been attempting to pause and reflect before I move so quickly onto the next thing. It helps me.

So, if you’ve been reading along here for the last several of months, then you know that the last several blog posts were created to share with you treasures that I discovered from planning and being at the Restorable Retreat. I wanted to extend to you what I received.

I also wanted to give you all an opportunity to sort of “be” at the retreat without actually being there.

This time of reflecting has been so good for me, and I have been hearing from so many of you how it has been just what you needed to receive as well. And, I am thankful... so thankful.

Now here I am again.

May you get to sit back, relax, and take some deep breaths like Rhonda talked about in episode 1 2.

May you receive here while I tell you all about the last morning of the retreat and the powerful experience that we had there.

May this space here feel like a soft place for you to land, even if just for a moment… and may these gifts linger for you as you take time to receive from it before you walk away from it.

And, may you receive these words like a much needed hug.... I think you will.

It was now Sunday morning at the Restorable retreat. And, I don’t know, maybe it was because I was tired, or maybe it is just that doubting and anxious thoughts can sort of be a “go to” for me. But early that Sunday morning I was having thoughts of “God, You did so much already in just like 36 hours. We could be done now. We might be too tired to receive anymore from You. Maybe what we received is enough for us to process and maybe, God, we should just enjoy our big breakfast together, chill out and just chat until we head home.”

Those were my first of the morning thoughts, BUT, I knew that He had more for us, for at least one of us, anyway. And, I knew that I had to keep moving forward with what He laid on my heart several months before.
HE led me to plan this retreat, and I needed to keep believing that He would be faithful to complete it!

So, I prayed a prayer that I read from Psalm 125:4,5 “And now, God, do it again - bring rains to our drought stricken lives, so those who planted their crops in DESPAIR will SHOUT HURRAHS at the harvest. So those who went off with HEAVY HEARTS WILL COME HOME LAUGHING, WITH ARMLOADS OF BLESSINGS . Amen.”

And once again I walked down those steps while God turned my doubts and concerns into expectation and confidence.

We sat in that bed and breakfast living room one last time, facing the beginning of our last moments together.

I began our conversation with something like, “so, yesterday we walked around an old junkyard and captured your hurting thing that sometimes leaves you feeling low on hope. We were naming our hard stuff and acknowledging the fact that we DO have brokenness stirring inside of us … but on this Sunday morning we needed to remember that “broken” is not our identity.

“Broken” is NOT the only part of us!

Meagan then led us to discuss the paradox of our identity. She shared from the Bible how it is true that we are:

Broken…AND whole and complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10 – you are complete through union with Christ).

Broken…AND restorable, never too far gone, never lost (Luke 15:11-32 - prodigal son story).

Broken…AND worthy of healing (John 5:1-15 - healing the man by the pool, crippled for 38 years).

Broken…AND filled with purpose (Ephesians 2:10 - God’s got stuff for you to do!)

Broken…AND beloved (Song of Solomon 6:3, Colossians 3:12 – God calls you HIS beloved!)

Broken…AND blameless in Christ (Colossians 1:22 – He has reconciled you by Christ to present you holy, flawless)

Broken…AND chosen (Ephesians 1:4 – He chose us in Him before the creation of the world)

Broken…AND made in His image (Genesis 1 – this truth has never changed over the millennia – we are not less like Him now, we are just also more affected by brokenness)

Broken…AND made NEW! (2 Corinthians 5:17 – if anyone is in Christ…the old has gone, the new is here!)

She shared how she could keep going because the Bible is FULL of the paradox of our brokenness AND our belovedness.

We sat together hearing those words… some of us believing those words were true, while some of us couldn’t quite wrap our minds around all of it. It’s not always a simple thing to believe that you are worthy or whole when you are feeling your broken thing.

The broken thing that we each privately named and captured in a junkyard the previous day.

How in the world do you move from the hard thing to hope?

Well, that was exactly what this restorable retreat was all about!

We were given space to privately and safely name our impossibly broken thing. We did this on Friday night and then we captured it in a junk yard on Saturday.

But, those junkyard pictures of our brokenness weren’t the only pictures that my friends would receive. We had one more mini photo shoot to surrender to…. Because while seeing, capturing and naming our hard thing is a valuable part of our journey towards hope, it's not the only view of hope . What we needed to also see was a view of us stepping towards that hope.

We needed to engage and capture a view of what FREEDOM might look and feel like .

But, before I go on here… let me ask you...

What might freedom look like for you? What if I took a picture of you posing with freedom in your heart?

I hope that as you're imagining yourself looking like “freedom”, that you aren't picturing an arrogant stance. I believe that arrogance, or a need to prove your freedom to someone is actually still a feeling of bondage. Freedom is freedom. Freedom is not something that you have to prove, rather it is a gift that you can receive. Oftentimes though, it is a gift that you have to choose to believe is available for you.

So, maybe it would be more helpful to acknowledge the things that block us from walking with freedom. Is it past hurts, failures, disappointments? Do you lack freedom due to fear? How about lack of forgiveness? Or, could your lack of freedom come from lies that you believe about yourselves or even lies that you believe about someone else? When you imagine yourself as that broken down junked car, do you believe that the Mechanic, The Restorer can heal all of you? What about the broken car sitting next to you? Do you believe The Restorer looks at him or her with the same fierce love and hope that He looks at you?

These are the kinds of questions that Meagan and I asked on that Sunday morning in a living room with other women. Does God want us to live life stuck in our crap…. stuck in our broken down junk yard posture and beliefs?

Absolutely NOT!

It is “for freedom that Christ set us free” Gal. 5:1 . God created us beautifully and with purpose and meaning. Jesus came not only so that we can have “life”, but so that we can have an “abundant life” ( John 10:10 ).

Each woman received a black sharpie marker and a white piece of card stock paper with their name beautifully written on it. The next instructions were simple, but for some it felt impossible.

We spread out around that old farm house for a short time. We needed some space to be alone with God, ourselves and that bold white paper with OUR personal name on it.

Some of us quickly wrote down truths about that girl on their paper. Truths like, “I am healable, I am restorable, I am cute, and I am redeemed.” .

But, then some of us sat quietly with our paper, marker and our nearly paralyzed hand.

It can be a hard thing to write certain truths that you feel God whispering in your ear. Truths like, “I am beautiful” or “I am valuable”. Some of us don’t actually believe that we are “made whole”. We don’t know that we are truly “lovable” and “likable”.

But, with some time, and some help, all of us were able to write healthy truths on our own pieces of card stock paper.

I grabbed my camera and we all grabbed our papers and stepped back out into the cold fresh air. The sun was shining brightly and while it was in fact cold, it was invigorating (or idk, maybe that was just me!!)

One by one each woman took their turn to stand in front of my Daddy’s old Ford pick up truck. Each of us would hold up our paper and begin reading out loud the truths that we wrote down about ourelves.

It felt scary for many, thrilling for some, and awkward for most of us… at first.

But then, it also felt life giving, and kind of energizing.

As each woman read her truths, I would take pictures of their hearts as it shined through their eyes.

The rest of the women stood behind me watching their brave friend declare what is sometimes hard to believe. We listened and we cheered in agreement as their beautiful and hopeful truths were spoken.

We each took the time that we needed to speak the truths that God had been whispering to us all along. And after reading the hopeful words out loud in the beautiful yard of a bed and breakfast, I urged them to think for a second of their broken part that was captured at the junk yard the day before. I asked some of them what their posture felt or looked like yesterday as they remembered their aching story. Some were sort of slumped over. Some had an edge of resentment in their eyes. Some were weary. Most were a bit timid about looking into the camera with a very personal pain in their eyes, for fear that the camera’s lens might further affirm what they don’t like to believe is so hard in their lives.

After taking a second to remember yesterday’s posture, I then asked them another question.

As each woman got to stand there surrounded by a bright morning sun and new friends, I asked each of them what their posture, stance or walk might look like if they lived a life believing what they just wrote down and spoke to us.

Friend... I'm so sorry, but I can’t fully describe here, and even the pictures can’t fully demonstrate some of the freedom that we witnessed that morning. And because of privacy, I did not share all of the moving photos of each woman. But, I’m gonna attempt here to describe some of it to you.

But, before I do… may you consider asking yourself, “what would I look like if freedom was inside of me? How would my life be different if I believed certain TRUTHS about who God says that I am?”

Just take a second here… think about it.

Picture it.

Picture yourself looking like your heart is free… looking like your hard thing doesn’t control you anymore.

Did you visualize something? If you did… it might be a good idea to take some time to write it down. Write down the beautiful thing that is ACTUALLY true about you. Write down how believing it would affect your life.

You ready?
Here are just a few of the stories from what I got to see on this precious Sunday morning…

We stood together out on that lawn as we watched one of our friends stand with her arms close by her side, almost hidden behind her bold white paper. It was so risky and awkward to stand alone with others watching you. To stand there and declare with your voice, things like, “I am WHOLE”, and “I am loved”. How can one say that, when they struggle to believe it is actually true.

But, this woman, she did it anyway. She did it because God said it is true. She did it because God led her to this place, and she did it because she wanted to live like those words were true. And after tears shed and friends cheered, she gave her paper over and took a long deep breath. Her stiff arms began to relax down to her side and she looked up into the sky, as if to look for strength, and as she did, she would begin to choose freedom. With tears still filling her eyelids her face began to lift and a timid yet thrilling smile began to grow on her face. A smile filled with hope and belief that God does love her and not only does He want to restore her, but in this moment, she is believing that He will…. And it was beginning to feel so good, like an invigorating freedom.

I didn’t know what my sweet and soft spoken friend was going to do next, but I sat there with my camera shooting, not wanting her to miss out on getting to look back and see these photos so that she could remind herself of the work God is doing inside of her.

As my camera clicked, I watched her begin to slowly take steps out into the open, in front of all of us. One foot in front of the other. Step by step, and then she began to close her eyes and open her hands to the sky. I’m guessing that she didn’t know what she was going to do next, she was just taking baby steps towards believing truths and walking in freedom. And as she walked, her arms began to raise, as did her smile. She looked so beautiful there in the sunlight… a picture of radiant freedom! I could barely hold it together… because of her steps of faith, my joy for her and my belief in God was growing in that moment.

Another woman stepped up to the truck and felt the vulnerability of stating how she is “more than her mistakes”, she is “seated with Christ” , she is “redeemed”, “forgiven” and “held”. Smiles broke through her face, and tears fell from her eyes as she stated these truths that sometimes felt so hard to believe. She handed her paper over and began to consider what life would look like if she truly lived like she believed these things. What would freedom feel like?

And then, I whispered something in her ear.

I don’t know if I whispered this more for my sake, or for hers. Maybe, it was just for me, I don’t know.

I asked her how it might feel if she were to demonstrate her freedom by dancing like a beautiful ballerina (because, apparently she was quite the ballerina when she was younger… and something told me, that she still is).

She agreed to my invitation to dance, and I took pictures of this beautiful flowing dancer. She looked so free, as her arms swung wide and the wind blew her sweater.

I was covered in goosebumps as I watched and admired that picture of freedom.

Another dear friend began to declare her truths and then I asked her as she stood there with paper in hand…

“what would a picture of brokenness look like for you?”.

Her thoughtful answer was, “on my knees, praying”.

And then I asked her, “What would a picture of freedom look like for you?”

and without hesitation she answered, “on my knees, praying”.

So I took a picture of her beautifully, broken, freedom posture…

Another took her turn, holding her simple white paper, timid and curious, but ready and confident to state what God says is true about her.

Other then her name, her paper had just one word on it. “Matters.” She just wrote “matters”.

So her paper read, “Sharon matters”. That simple. No show. No performance. No good girl behavior. She mattered just as she is, just as God made her. No works required, no need for approval. She mattered. She heard from God just what He wanted her to hear… she wrote it down, and then she spoke it to us. And I believe that she spoke something that we all wanted to hear. We all needed to hear that WE MATTER, no questions asked, we matter.

I could easily and happily tell you eight more powerful stories from what I got to witness as each woman declared her true identity and felt freedom. Each story impacted me and drew me to the One who was drawing them. Isn’t it crazy how being honest, broken and vulnerable with another can actually draw both of you towards hope?

Well, then, speaking of vulnerability, I was the last one to go. I handed my camera to my friend Julie so that she could capture my heart.

I sat on the edge of my Daddy’s old truck bed, because it felt too raw to just stand alone. I held my paper, looked at it, read some of the words quietly in my head and then made some awkward sarcastic remarks…. I was stalling.

I was questioning my authenticity, I was questioning if I believed some of those truths on my own “Jen” paper. But, the truth is, I don’t always fully believe that I am “ok”, “healable”, “valuable” or “accepted”.

But, just because I don’t believe it, does that make it not true?

So, I spoke one of them, out loud, and my friends cheered in agreeance. Then, I spoke another one a little more boldly. Again, my retreat friends smiled and supported me. Then a friend spoke a kind comment about my body… I laughed, because how do I accept that kind of truth?

I continued to speak what I believed God was prompting me to consider believing. Tears began to form in my eyes, and my voice began to shake. This vulnerable thing meant something to me. Stepping towards believing this stuff actually felt so freeing.

When I chose to confidently agree with God over my worth, I began to feel liberated, and ok with me. It was fun! Fun is good, and freedom is so nice.

BUT, the question begs…”HOW do I live this way day by day?”

We are such forgetful people aren't’ we?

Did you know that the Bible repeats itself alot? For example, Rick Warren says that the Bible says “fear not” more than 365 times.

I don’t know how often the Bible instructs us to “remember”, but its alot. Like, when the Israelites were going through such hard stuff, God told them to remember the good stuff. In Lamentations 3:21, it says that as we recall God’s faithfulness our hope increases And, did you know that the whole point of the last supper or “communion” is for the purpose of remembering that Jesus died so that we can live?

We are forgetful, so we do things like remembering times when God helped us through past hard things, and by doing communion to protect us from forgetting the world’s most impactful and significant gift!!

Taking time at the retreat to write down and speak truths about who God says I am might be forgotten. Actually, I’m sure I will forget these truths. I have had days and moments since that impactful retreat where I have forgotten what God says about me. So, I am doing things to continue to walk towards believing it more deeply. I visit my freedom photos and words spoken on that day. I remember how I felt when I declared such good things about who God made me to be. I battle the lies that want to interfere with these truths and ask God to help my heart and mind agree with Him more and more each day so that I might, more often, walk in the freedom that He wants for me and walk with hope for my future.

If you have a minute, why don’t you grab a piece of paper and write down some truths that God believes about you. Then, if you feel so bold, send me an email so that you can safely tell someone what is true about you, and it may be something that you have a hard time believing, but that’s ok... write it down anyway. And as you do, will you imagine what life would feel like if you lived like you believed that truth? I wonder what your picture would look like if you were captured walking in freedom.

I am not gonna sit here and let you think that this stuff that we did at the retreat was easy… it is actually most often difficult. Like a wall we can’t climb over, and then we can convince ourselves that it is even pointless.

We can feel afraid, that when we consider acknowledging the hard stuff, that it will overpower us and consume us even more… but I am learning that is not the case. Rather, acknowledging it, and bringing light to that dark thing seems to have a way of causing it to lose some power in our lives.

So many of us have bondage in our hearts rather than freedom. Bondage. Like a prison. And we just want to be free. It’s sort of an oxymoron, we want freedom, but we hold onto our prisons. We don’t let ourselves out of that seemingly “safe” place because we think our walls will protect us. And while I do believe that walls have their place and do create protection, I THINK that sometimes we build walls that were never intended to be built. We do this for many legitimate reasons, but ultimately we often do this because deep down we are afraid.

But what if freedom can be bigger than our fear?

You see, something that I have been learning is that there is power in “naming” it… putting words to the thing that is so hard for you. The thing that you would rather try to avoid and deny. The thing that keeps rearing its ugly head. The thing that feels so dark, and the thing that you would rather keep hidden in the dark. But, Ephesians 5:13 says that “ all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light.“

Like I said, I am LEARNING .. slowly... about the power of exposing things to the Light.

And, one thing that I am learning is that darkness can’t exist in the light.

So, my retreat friends and I took baby steps of bringing our hard thing to the light by naming them quietly and safely. For some, this felt dangerous.. And, then even tempting to believe that that hard thing is WHO we are.

But, we are NOT our hard thing. Our identity is not our brokenness, but rather, our identity can be something shiny and beautiful that God creates from our brokenness. …. And discovering that beauty can be such a beautiful and new found freedom!

Friends... the Restorable Retreat was truly more than I could think or imagine... it was great! It was powerful!

And, as I have spent the last six months pausing and reflecting about all that God did that precious weekend, I have been strongly compelled to agree that He is going to DO IT AGAIN!

So I pray...

And now, GOD, do it again — bring rains to our drought-stricken lives So those who planted their crops in despair will shout hurrahs at the harvest, So those who went off with heavy hearts will come home laughing, with armloads of blessing.
Psalms 126:4-6

And...I pray that if YOU will benefit from this precious time, that God will show YOU the way to come and receive with us at the Restorable Retreat 2021

Friend, if you are even CONSIDERING this upcoming retreat on February 26 - 28, 2021 , then I strongly suggest that you sign up for my email newsletter.

It is there, with my email subscribers, that I will give the very first announcement when registration opens!!! It is a small and intimate retreat, so space is limited to about 17 women...so be sure to secure your cozy bed and place at our table!

Click here to sign up for the email newsletter!

In need of a friend

jen@layeredphotography.com (Jen Mininger) — Thu, 13 Aug 2020 11:28:24 GMT

Hey friend, I’ve got a question for you.

Do you ever find yourself pulling away from people and resisting your need to connect with others?

I know I do…. But why? Right?

One of the reasons is because we think that we are the only one who struggles with this stuff. We feel alone in our awkwardness.

So how about we just begin our discussion here today, agreeing that none of us are the exception? All of us struggle at times and to varying degrees with connecting with other humans… am I right?

Well, no matter your friendship issues today, I hope that this is a safe place for you to rest for a moment, and I pray that you will receive encouragement and discover hope underneath of your social hiccups!

Because, guess what… the reality is, is that we NEED people. We just do. In the very very beginning of the Bible.. The beginning of all things created. God looked at the first man that He created and saw something missing.

You see this first man named Adam was in a perfect environment. No sin, no bad things, no wrong choices, no poor health, no awkwardness, no bad memories, nothing hard to deal with, no financial strain, no relationship issues, good food available all the time...and if all that wasn’t good enough, Adam got to personally hang out with God. He took actual walks with God in his perfect world. How much better can it get than that?

But, God looked at Adam and felt compassion for him. God said, “It is not good for man to be alone”. But, he wasn’t really alone right, he had God, and God is enough. But, God was so kind to give man more than Himself for a relationship. God values relationships so much that He wanted to give this man someone similar to him, so He created a woman. Another person for Adam to relate to, chat with, share life with.

God said, “it's not good for man to be alone”.

And I am reminded of that compassion as I look back on the Restorable project and see how God so kindly surrounded me with men and women to love and support me.

If you have been joining me here over the last 5-ish months, then you know, I am in a series (a series that has taken WAY longer than I ever expected, due to covid-19 life) that I call “Reflections from the Restorable Retreat”. A series where I have been reflecting on treasures that I discovered by doing something WAY out of my comfort zone.

This time of reflecting has been so good for me. It really has been a sweet space of gratitude. It’s been sort of a gentle pause to look back and remember something very good. And, I am thankful to hear that so many of you have joined me here and have received with me in this space..

Do you know that being surrounded by your love and support through this Restorable project meant so much to me? Probably, more than you know. Your presence and words of encouragement have been truly powerful, and impactful for ME to continue on in this thing.

So, as you take time again with me here today, I hope you will consider sharing what encouraged you with a friend? Doing the small thing of sending a podcast or blog recommendation to someone, could possibly be just the thing that is used to remind them that they are thought of and cared for.

Because today’s reflection is gonna be all about the power of community and how I’ve learned to value the gift of friendship!

If you listened to episode 11 or read the blog “Broken Yet Beneficial”, then you heard how I got to lead 11 women from the Restorable Retreat to name their broken thing and look for visuals of hope at a junkyard. Our experience was so moving and powerful for each of us, and I shared how God so kindly showed me my own broken places, and how He uses me EVEN WHILE I am still in the process of being restored!

That Saturday morning at the junkyard truly was an experience that touched our hearts and we were all thankful for it, but it was tiring! Emotional stuff/heart work can leave us feeling a bit exhausted sometimes. So, we came back from the junkyard ready for someone to care for us and offer us rest and nurturing. And THAT was exactly what we received (and more)!

If you listened to episode 1 2 from my reflections from Restorable, then you heard how our tired and weary bodies entered that old stone home ready to be warmly greeted with a smell that was soon to be our beautiful and tasty lunch made by Rhonda Larson from Beautiful Healing Journey . Rhonda did an amazing job of graciously sharing her wisdom and heart with us at the retreat. She fed us both food and advice that we hungrily welcomed. It was so good that I actually had Rhonda as a guest on Hope Layer on Episode 12.

Well, after she left, we all sort of soaked in some much needed downtime. Some of us chose to get a nap. Some chose to casually chat with a new friend, while others took time to quietly consider their own path towards hope and healing. This welcomed time sort of lingered until we were ready to come back to the table and do a bit of creative therapy.

Aimee Weaver of Aimee Weaver Designs had us all set up to paint signs that would be visual reminders of hope to hang in our homes. Aimee made our signs from wood that had an original purpose for old barn walls and mushroom houses. It was a tangible and visual reminder that even old wood can be restored into something beautiful and purposeful.

This time painting and casually chatting at the table was so peaceful, and I don’t even think it was socially awkward for any of us. Rather it was sort of cathartic, if ya know what I mean. As we sat around that long table with paintbrushes in our hands we continued to meet multiple needs. A need to create and a need to connect

What a full and wonderful day we were having! With an emotional field trip behind us, a meaningful lunch, a nurturing wellness education, not to mention some rest and creativity all in one day. We sure were ready to sit comfortably together for a loving dinner made by my friend Julie. The smell of roasted root vegetables, stuffed chicken, Julie’s fresh baked artisan breads and desserts of all kinds welcomed us back into the dining room that Saturday evening. Once again we enjoyed the freedom of soaking in the gift of being fed and the gift of chatter from new friendships forming. It felt so nice!

We sat around that table with our named broken thing in our hearts, and at the same time we were able to sense God’s care for us. I think that there was some sort of peace that we were not alone, and that we can be ok with our not ok.

The unique battle inside each of our hearts was clearly named and faced, and we knew that this sort of break away from it all wouldn’t fix or change things... but we also knew that God was going to be with us when we packed up to leave the next day.

The quiet question that lingered for some of us was, “how?”. How do we leave this safe and nurturing space and go back to our hard stuff?

I don’t know about you, but that is a question that I have often asked.

“HOW, GOD? This hard thing is too hard.”

And as I have struggled with that question, I have found a really great story that has given me some direction.

So, I shared this story with my retreat friends on Saturday night.

The story is actually about a King who was about to face a very intimidating battle. Like a physical battle, a battle with swords and weapons and stuff. But, what was unique about this battle was that his enemy was something like three times the size of his army, so you can imagine that he was also facing the battle of fear.

This King was informed that three countries were combining to join forces to defeat his country, AND that they were already on their way to seek and destroy him and his people.

It makes sense that this man in charge was overcome with feelings of fear and desperation. So, with humility and vulnerability he reached out to God and said,

"we are powerless before this great multitude who are coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are on You.”

Essentially this guy said to God, “look at this God, it's obvious that this is way too big of a problem for me, I can’t do it, I NEED your help!”

The ladies and I paused a bit that Saturday night and considered our own “too big problems”. We thought of our battle that we felt too small to fight, and we acknowledged that that thing leaves us feeling hopeless, fearful and defeated at times…

Probably something like this King Jehosaphat felt.

So, God responded to the King and said, ‘Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God’s. You need not fight in this battle; station yourselves, stand and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf.”

And if you read this whole story in the Bible, in 2 Chronicles chapter 20 , you will see that God gave King Jehosaphat and his men very clear direction, and very clear hope. It’s almost like this guy was off the hook. He didn’t have to figure out a plan to win this battle… and sometimes I just want to be off the hook too. I look at my too big battle and I try to figure out a plan to get through it and maybe even conquer it, but it’s just too big and I don’t know how. Oh to hear God say to me, “you need not fight in this battle, station yourself, Jen, and stand and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf”.

So, the King ordered the men to move forward together. But they weren’t to march like a typical army, rather they were to GO IN FAITH that God was in fact going to win this battle for them, and their job was actually just to sing to God while marching.

God was leading them from a literal valley up to a mountain so they could get a good view of HOW HE was gonna fight and win this battle for them.

And as they began to move and worship, God began to set ambushes against their enemy. And as King Jehosaphat’s men approached a higher place that overlooked the desert valley, they could SEE that God completely won this too huge battle FOR THEM.

This story gets so cool and I would love to keep going into it right now...but instead I’ll just tell you a highlight that I love. You see the valley that held this battle was once called “the Valley of weeping”...but after this battle was won by God and after they got to collect the plunder from the enemy for three whole days, they renamed this place and called it “The Valley of Blessing”.

Friend, I don’t know about you, but the things that I name my “valley of weeping”, the thing that I hate and is too big for me to even fight, the thing that defeats me and knocks me over time and time again.. That thing… I can’t even IMAGINE re-naming that thing and calling it a “blessing”.

But, what if that thing, is something that God can and will restore if I follow His lead? What if I can begin to see the blessing and feel hope by reaching out to God for help, growing to trust Him more, and by singing and acknowledging truths about who He is while I am in the thick of my too hard thing? What if worshiping is HOW I fight my battles? What if gathering with other friends to name the hard thing while also boldly declaring that God is bigger than that thing is how we will win?

So, together, the eleven of us sat with our “too big battles” on our hearts that Saturday night.

Together we acknowledged that we didn’t know how God was going to help us, but we knew that He could.

And Together, we worshipped.

Guys, I have to say that something shifts inside of me when I choose to worship God by myself. I gain a fresh perspective. I begin to feel lifted as I sing things that are true. And sometimes I can even go from despair to hope, just from acknowledging who God is and trusting that He is who He says He is. But, this doesn’t only happen on my own, because something really powerful happens when I do this outloud with other people.

So, this Saturday evening at the retreat was “planned” because of what God showed me in 2 Chronicles. I knew that He would have something good for us, but I didn’t know all the details of what that goodness would look like. When it came to it, God ended up taking my plan for our time together and He propelled it into something more powerful and meaningful than I was even imagining that He would do.

You see, throughout our Saturday there at the retreat, God kept compelling my friend Terry to allow her too big battle to be used to show us hope because of the victory in her life. And that through her sharing that she would continue to discover more healing in her own story. She talked about it with Meagan and myself earlier in the day, and she full on wrestled with God over it. So, we prayed for her, and then we watched God use Terry as she shared through words and song her story of battle, hopelessness, defeat and ultimate victory in her battle.

It was a powerful evening surrounded by authentic women, and I feel so grateful for each of the memories imprinted in my heart and mind from it.

But, none of this … I mean none of this powerful evening, or whole weekend of sweet togetherness would have or even could have happened if I didn’t first take my fears to God.

None of this, if I didn’t first recognize what HE COULD DO WITH SOMETHING TOO BIG FOR ME.

AND. I truly believe that none of this would have happened if I didn’t first admit MY NEED to be surrounded by some good friends!

I’ve probably said it so many times, but I really struggled with the tension of feeling like God wanted me to create a restorable retreat. I truly couldn’t imagine how it would be possible for me to pull off, so I kept assuming that I shouldn’t do it. It was too big for me to do. And I made up a thousand legitimate excuses of why I not to. Except, I know now that God kept putting a fire inside of me to do this too big thing. So, back in July of 2019 I sent out a unique email to my email subscribers. I’ll read parts of it to ya..

I do this email and blog thing to encourage you. I desire to support you, to inspire you, to offer you hope, comfort and encouragement and to possibly invite you to some day do your own Layered Photography project with me. I believe that God has compelled me to do this out of the overflow of the comfort that I have received from Him through the creative outlets that He has placed inside of me.

BUT, Today...I am asking for YOUR support...

You know about the Restorable project that I am working on, right?

BUT... I can’t do this. Or atleast, I can’t do this alone. I need help!!

I recently began asking God if I should start a team for prayer support. I kept asking and asking if this was a good idea or not…I know, it sounds like an obvious “yes”...like, why would God say “no” to me seeking prayer support?! Right?!! ...but…. I wasn’t sure.

Then, God, in His kindness, gave me confirmation one morning as I was reading the book of Daniel from the Bible. And basically the short version of this true story is that the King had a weird dream that he wanted interpreted, and since none of his wise men could tell him what the dream was, he ordered that ALL the wise men would be killed. That included Daniel.

But, Daniel knew that GOD WAS CAPABLE of telling and interpreting the king’s dream and he sensed in his heart that God might want to do this dream telling and interpreting thing through him.

So, you know what Daniel did??? HE GOT PRAYER SUPPORT!! He asked for his friends to PRAY!
(check it out... Daniel chapter 2 )

While sitting on my couch reading this story, I was like, “ok, God, I believe that you have a message to share through Restorable, and I believe that You want me to share it in various ways to friends and to people who I don’t even know yet”.... But I CANNOT do this...I am just a vessel… a vessel that is afraid, a vessel that gets distracted, a vessel that can move in certain directions without God’s leading.

Friends, I believe that God has began a good work in me...and I do believe that He is faithful to complete this work...BUT...I believe that He wants me to have a team to support this project with prayer.

So, here I am, sending an email to my email subscribers…. giving you all a little update...but also inviting you to join the “Restorable Prayer Team”.

So, that was the email that I sent about a year ago now. It was an email that gave me such encouraging responses, and within days I was surrounded by a team of authentic supporters and pray-ers. I felt helped, I felt less alone, I felt so grateful! THIS was a shift.. A game changer. I knew now that I NEEDED to do this retreat, and that, with the help from God, the prayer team, my family, friends and counselor, I COULD DO THIS.

And as you see now, Restorable went from being a quiet seed in my heart to three years later inviting women to cozy up together for a weekend of sharing our hearts together, and the funny thing is, I was never really huge into women’s retreats. I was actually totally content with missing out on them. For whatever reason, I just didn’t have a pull to go.

Something obviously changed, because here I was together, with a community of broken women without all the answers. We came together longing for restoration and discovering hope. We came together because I pursued this thing, despite all my lack of connecting tendencies.

We came together because I was surrounded by a community of powerful supporters. Eighteen people were now united to be called the Restorable Prayer Team. My husband and kids were on board with me doing this “too big” thing. My dear counselor cheered me on and affirmed what God can do. Family and friends became the life line through this whole project.

Even though I had willing supporters, I still sometimes found it so hard to send a text or email to them asking for prayer. I would have arguments in my head over whether or not I was being a bother to them. I felt annoying, petty, lengthy, and selfish. Why would they want to take the time to read my email, and will they actually pray? Was it worth it to take the time to try to explain myself to them… would they really understand?

Time and time again I would be battling through the planning and receiving from Restorable. I would be tempted to scale back and lay low, but then someone would reach out to me, or many would begin praying after they heard my plea for prayer support… and I felt lifted, I felt able to continue to move forward and trust God into an unknown, too big thing!

I have often said, “if God was the powerful force behind and in front of this project, then I am pretty sure my community of supporters was right there with Him through launching this restorable project, and honestly, through the ongoing process of restoring my soul.

And I guess all this begs the question. Can you relate?

I mean, what about you? Are you facing a “too big” battle?

Do you need to be reminded that it is not good for you to be alone. Do you need to reach out for support right now?

My guess is, is that you are not the only one in need in your community, and maybe that is one of your reasons that you don’t reach out. You don’t want to burden someone else with your problems. Well, you can listen to episode 11 to hear how God uses people even in their broken state..and how it ends up being a good thing for everyone!

So, will you consider today, reaching out and sharing your need with a friend? And, maybe you can also reach out and send a friend a simple encouragement so that they are reminded that they are not alone… it just might be the thing that you didn’t know would be needed.

Also, may I remind you, that sometimes we need someone to talk to who is outside of our typical community. We need a professional who can sort of see the forest through the trees for us. We need someone who can hold hope for us. I once had a mentor lovingly tell me that she was holding hope for me… those were powerful words that I leaned on. If you are in a season where you could use a listening ear and a gentle guide, then contact my friend Meagan at Take Heart Counseling. She too is surrounded by a team of counselors on her equine assisted therapy farm. They are trained and ready to care for you and guide you to hope and healing. If you are considering if this might be a path for you, then Meagan is offering $25 off your first appointment when you email her at Meagan@takeheartcounseling and mention the $25 discount from the Hope Layer Podcast.
(learn more at www.takeheartcounseling.com )

Above all, we have a constant friend available. He is Jesus. He is God who chose to allow His only son to become flesh and blood and feel all the hard things that we feel as humans.

Have you ever been able to connect with the God who made You? Have you ever been able to honestly tell Him what is too big for you? Have you ever taken time to truly acknowledge who He says He is… do you believe Him?

And have you ever sung words about Him?

Listen, I’m gonna leave links in this show’s notes of some songs that help me worship, and some songs that we sang together at the Restorable Retreat.

And as we grow together I hope that we will discover a special layer of hope that is only found by connecting with other humans

Here are some songs to get ya started :

Quiet
Waymaker
Even If (song & testimony)
This is How I fight my battles
HOME
Rattle
See a Victory

Hope for wholeness

jen@layeredphotography.com (Jen Mininger) — Tue, 07 Jul 2020 13:08:46 GMT

Reflections from the Restorable Retreat.

With Dr. Rhonda Larson

The following is for you visual learners (like me!). It is a typed up version of a conversation that I had with my friend and practitioner, Rhonda Larson. If you are prefer to listen to this conversation then you can head to "Hope Layer" podcast, or click this https://hopelayerpodcast.libsyn.com/12-restoration-is-rhonda

But, before you do, I think it would be a great idea to scroll through and see some of the pictures that were described in our discussion.

May you feel comforted, nurtured, inspired and hugged right now!

Once again, I am sitting in my home with another one of my dear friends, and I just KNOW that she will be a wealth of encouragement to you all today. Rhonda, I am so glad you are here to do this talk with me.

Rhonda - Thank you Jen, I feel so honored to be here.

Jen - So, I’ve gotta let everyone know how you and I became friends. When I first met you, I knew you as “Dr. Rhonda”, that is what we all called you at home here. Rhonda, would you mind sharing your credentials and some of your history with us, now that I threw the word “doctor” in here?

Rhonda - I started out as a nurse. My heart was always to help people. Helping people by giving medication to cover up symptoms and never addressing the real root of the problem led me to alternative medicine. I started my journey learning herbal medicine and that gave me such a hunger to learn more, so I went on to become a naturopath. From there I began to specialize in a couple of things. One of the things was cancer therapies for people who have cancer, autoimmune diseases, and chronic degenerative diseases. I went to Gersen to learn the Gersen therapy for people. I also went through Dr. Kelly’s program. He was another doctor who helped people through all kinds of stages of cancer.

I loved what I was doing, but I saw so many people, (actually almost everybody) with serious health issues, like cancer and autoimmune, they had some very deep underlying emotional hurts and wounds. So, I became certified in several emotional release therapies to go along with physical healing because that is always a part of our healing. We can never separate our physical, emotional and spiritual healing, that is how God made us. All of the parts of our heart, our spirit, and our body are all intertwined. So, I really address the spirit, the hear t and the soul of somebody. I see that person as a whole person, not just what is ailing them, or what their symptoms are, because alot of times it goes much deeper than that.

My latest credential was becoming certified in functional medicine. That has alot of naturopathy background to it but with more modern tests like blood tests and lab testing. So, when someone comes to me who needs specific testing done, then that is something that I can offer and then read the results and go over that with them. I can offer a little more fine tuning for what they need. I can then discern if their need is herbal medicine, homeopathy, supplementation, detoxification, diet changes, or maybe we need to address their heart. It just depends on the person, so I combine all the therapies as each individual needs.

Jen - So homeopathy…

Rhonda - Yes, it's like with like. I’ll give a quick example of a remedy. Apis is for bee stings. So the homeopath is a very minute form of bee venom that helps with the issue of getting stung by a bee. It's like with like. Kind of like a vaccination in a way. You are giving that same issue for whatever you have been exposed to. It sometimes helps to cure or relieve the symptoms that you are having.

Jen - yes, we have apis in our house and I like to use it for other bug bites too.

Rhonda - You can! I have also used it for people with swellings like you might get with a bee sting. So if you have tissues that are swollen and painful or stinging, then you can use it for that as well.

Jen - I love learning this stuff. It really is so cool.

When I first met Rhonda I was really comforted to learn of her past, her experience and her credentials. Those things helped me have more confidence in trusting her to care for my family, and trust was something that I needed because back when our daughter, Karis, was 6 years old she came down with some very serious health scares that had our ER doctors and primary care physicians were sort of baffled over for several months. They didn’t know what was the root cause of her digressing health. They didn’t know how to help her, and in a moment of momma desperation, I scheduled an appointment with Dr. Rhonda.

Rhonda tenderly walked with me, mom to mom and doctor to mom. She saw the fear in my heavy heart and took her job very seriously to get Karis’ body to heal and rebuild. I won’t describe here all that Karis experienced in her very difficult 6 months or so, but I will tell you that she is a healthy and thriving 14 year old, and to this day I still feel so thankful and relieved that Rhonda was the one to care for her and build her health! And, honestly, Rhonda was the one to care for me as well in the midst of this, because I was a mom caring for my little girl.

Then, just over a year ago, I asked her to help me out again… this time not for Karis, because this time I was the one who needed a Doctor. I needed someone who would genuinely listen to me, care for me and guide me to wellness. I needed someone that I could trust to make hard health decisions with me and for me… and after much prayer, I knew God was leading me to make an appointment with Rhonda.

So, in short, Rhonda is not only a dear friend of mine, but she is also a constant health inspiration to me on social media, her blog and her email newsletters… AND.. she is my healthcare practitioner who oversees my labs, my progress with my cancer journey, and my protocol to get well. I feel like I might say it over and over again today… but, I am SO thankful for her. And since, many of you are currently curious about her, Rhonda why don’t you let everyone know all those details..

Rhonda - First of all, thank you so much!

My website is www.beautifulhealingjourney.co m , and you can find me on facebook ( https://www.facebook.com/Beautiful-Healing-Journey-146360549454681/ ) and instagram ( https://www.instagram.com/beautifulhealingjourney/ ).

I also have a newsletter that you can subscribe to if you go to my website and scroll to the bottom you can sign up for the newsletters by filling in your email address. Of course all of my contact information is on my website if anyone wants to ask me questions or schedule an appointment.

Jen - AND, If you are listening ( or reading) hear today and you are in a place where you would like to take your wellness more seriously and you are considering asking Rhonda to guide you, then you can get $25 off your first appointment just for being a Hope Layer listener or for reading my blog here! Just be sure to use the link, www.beautifulhealingjourney.com/hopelayer . This is a gift to you to see if Rhonda would be a good resource for you.

So, before we go on here, I want to make sure everyone understands why we are having a conversation with Rhonda on Hope Layer.…

First of all, as you may know, I have been reflecting on and sharing treasures with you all here that I have discovered from a season of walking through my Restorable project and launching the first ever Restorable Retreat. And, I can’t deny that Rhonda was such a special treasure that both myself and each of the ladies on the retreat received from. She was a significant part of the retreat and I just can’t get it out of my head that I want to welcome all Hope Layer listeners to experience the treasures that were received from Rhonda serving us with her gifts, heart, experience and education. I want you to receive even just a small piece of the goodness from the retreat, even if you weren’t able to go.

And so, if you listened to episode 11, then you heard how I got to take eleven beautifully broken women to a junkyard while we were at this retreat.. You heard how precious it was for each of us and what God so kindly showed me through it. Together we acknowledged our hard and broken places, and we chose to want hope, to want restoration where we feel despair. Together, in that junk yard and at that retreat, we were naming our hard things and giving them over to the One who knows the beauty that can come from our ashes.

If you missed it, then head to my blog to read it and see the pictures at https://www.jenminingerphotography.com/i-m-broken-yet-beneficial or if you prefer to listen to the episode on the Hope Layer podast then head to https://hopelayerpodcast.libsyn.com/you-may-be-broken-but-you-are-still-beneficial-maybe-even-more-s o

It is truly a perspective from my heart and my experience there. Because I too am broken yet beneficial!

After our time at the junkyard we slipped our cold and tired bodies into two vehicles and drove back to the bed and breakfast where Rhonda was waiting in the warm house ready to welcome us with a whole lotta love and a delicious and nutritious homemade meal.

We arrived back at the bed and breakfast probably an hour or so late for lunch. We were tired, emotionally exhausted, contemplative, grateful, hopeful… and hungry.

And when we stepped into that old stone home we smelled our delicious lunch filling the air, and heard music playing from Rhonda’s phone. Rhonda, do you remember what you were listening to?!

Rhonda - Yes, it was Billie Holiday. She is one of my favorites to listen to while cooking food. I don’t know, there is just something about the 40’s music!

Jen -

Well, I have to say, I tried it out. I had some of her songs playing while I was making food a time or two! It was kinda fun! :)

But, anyway... I can hardly even begin to describe what happened next. As we put away our coats and freshened up for a second, we collapsed like a ton of bricks on those old white chairs. Once again we were facing our new/old friends as we gathered around the long farmhouse table.

Rhonda had everything set up so beautifully with cloth napkins held by napkin rings, and gifts handmade by Rhonda that she would teach us how to use later. My friend Trish from Flourish Flowers created two gorgeous floral centerpieces to add to the smell and beauty in the room.

It all just looked and felt like a HUG, it was so inviting.

As we settled into our chairs, we began sipping her homemade sweet herbal tea from tall wine glasses and truly welcomed the instructions to just sit and relax while she and Julie served us our meal.

Rhonda, Could you please share with us what was in that delicious tea of yours?

Rhonda - Yes, I made a rose tea infusion from dried organic rose petals (because fresh roses weren’t in season in February). Roses are very calming and healing to the heart.

I also put hibiscus in it because it adds to the beautiful color of the tea. But hibiscus is also very medicinal, it has lots of vitamin C and is also very healing like the rose is. I then added a little bit of stevia to sweeten it.

Jen - That's interesting that you used stevia, because I sometimes have a bit of an aftertaste with stevia, but I didn’t at all this time. Did you use the actual herbal leaf, or the dry powder?

Rhonda - I used the dry green stevia. Just like the green stevia leaf that maybe you would get from your garden. You could just dry it up and make it into a powder.

Jen - Well, it was a really good tea, Rhonda! I just might make that sometime!

So, Rhonda started us off with a gorgeous salad that was filled with SO many different healthy and tasty ingredients and was topped with her homemade salad dressing and optional feta cheese with homemade pesto on the side.… rhonda..this was so so good! Could you please tell us here, what in the world was in your salad dressing and maybe some of your salad ingredients??

Rhonda - So for the dressing … I typically start by filling a mason jar a third of the way with Bragg’s apple cider vinegar , and then add olive oil until the jar is now filled to about ¾ full with the liquid. Next I add about 3 - 4 Tablespoons of coconut aminos. This gives it a little sweetness. I will also then add a little bit of turmeric powder, salt and pepper, and the a dried herb concoction. You can do Italian seasonings or whatever blend you like. Fresh minced garlic is always yummy. Then you just shake it up! You can also make a Dijon dressing by adding some Dijon mustard in there.

Jen - What about your pesto, Rhonda? I remember that you had a separate plate with feta, knowing that some would not want to eat dairy, and then you had this pretty green pesto drizzled around it.

Rhonda - I believe it was a cilantro/basil pesto.

Jen - I’ve come to love cilantro! My dad used to say that it tasted like soap, but I really like it! It's an either love it or hate it kind of herb, isn’t it?

Rhonda - yes, it is actually genetic.

Jen - Well, I just love it, and you have a recipe on your website for a cilantro/mint pesto, right?

Rhonda - And then the salad was some mixed organic greens, carrots, celery, tomatoes, bell pepper, cucumbers, capers and some fresh basil.

Jen - It was so good, and then once our salad plates were cleared, then next came in the most delicious soup and gluten free flatbread.

Women all around the table kept saying, will she give us her recipe for this bread? For this soup? For her….everything?!! Rhonda, these recipes are on your website, right?

Rhonda - Yes, the bread one was made with Tigernut flour which is a gluten free grain. It is a very simple recipe. But, if you don’t have tigernut then you can swap it out for any gluten free flour. I also made herbed butter for those who wanted to put it on their flatbread. ( https://beautifulhealingjourney.com/recipes/tigernut-flatbread-and-herbed-butte r )

The clock once again became non-existent as we slowly tasted each delicious bite and felt the love that was poured into making this food JUST FOR US. We felt sooo cared for in this moment. I still can’t even describe what was given to us as we were served there…

BUT, then...it got even more amazing as she brought in our dessert plates. You guys, it was THE MOST delicious chocolate dessert I have ever sunk my teeth into… for real! I love chocolate, and I love rich desserts! And, if delicious wasn’t enough.. Would you believe that it was made with ingredients that you don’t have to feel guilty eating?! This dessert sincerely felt like a nurturing to me that I can’t describe!

OK… now that we have everyone hungry for delicious and healthy food, and they are all actually reading your blog and following you on social!!! Let me see if I can real them back in…

Because that was only the beginning of what Rhonda was able to give to us at the retreat.

After taking in all that deliciousness, we went over to the living room and sunk into the couches with our restorable journals. We just knew that Rhonda was going to be a wealth of information and we just might want to take some good notes, so we were ready for her. Over the next, I don’t know… hour?.. Rhonda shared with us, with such understanding and gentleness, how stress and trauma affects our bodies. She gave us practical tools on ways that we can come alongside all that hard emotional stuff and help ourselves out. Then, of course, she answered questions of all kinds. We asked all the questions… from sleep, to our teenage daughters, to CBD oil, hormone health… we just asked her a TON of questions!

Basically, Rhonda and her food were an amazing HUG for our needy souls and stomachs. We came in as women who needed to be helped and nurtured… and she gave us that and more.

And as I have been reflecting on the treasures that I received, I keep coming back to this meal and this discussion with Rhonda and all the ladies. It was one of my favorite treasures of the weekend…. One that I can barely describe… and one that I want to extend to you all listening here.

So, what Rhonda is doing for Hope Layer listeners is giving you some of her heart, wealth of information and resources, just like she did at the retreat. And while you won’t be able to taste the food that she made, I sure do hope you will try some of her recipes from her website. Rhonda I’m sure you would suggest that they make the food with love and soak in all the delicious flavors and nutrition in each bite.

So, Rhonda, similar to how we started at the retreat. Could you please share with us some of your knowledge on how stress/trauma/grief, or even a hard day have an effect on the body and some practical tips/tools on how we can walk through these hard times?

Rhonda - Yes, stress does have a huge impact on our physical body, our emotional and spiritual body. We will always have stress even in a season of abundance and joy. And actually our body needs a little bit of stress on a daily basis. But, it's that overwhelming traumatic stress on a daily basis that is really overwhelming to our immune system and to our body overall.

We have two branches of our nervous system. We have the parasympathetic and the sympathetic.

Our sympathetic is our gas pedal, our “Go!”. It is when we get overstimulated, and alot of us are living in that all the time. Especially with our phones on us all the time, we are not getting down time as much as we did years ago. Even the wifi that is all around, that is stimulating our sympathetic nervous system too, truly things that we can’t even see are effecting us.

Our parasympathetic system is our rest, digest… our brake pedal. That is what we want to try to exercise more. We want to try to get into that calm/peaceful part of our nervous system. That is where healing starts and takes place.

Jen - I find it interesting that you said that we all need a little bit of stress, but today we are emphasizing that we have too much and need the brake pedal more. We need more peace, and we need to choose rest.

Rhonda - yes, we are good at adding stress, but maybe need to learn how to activate the parasympathetic part of our nervous system. There are many ways, and even free ways that we can do that. I wrote several articles on my blog. Many include the benefits that are available to us in nature.

Also, deep breathing and how that benefits our nervous system. Ya know, alot of us do more shallow breathing when we are undergoing stress. So taking deep breaths and maybe counting while we are taking deep breaths will sometimes help us get away from that moment when we are in that heightened state of stress.

I also teach people the benefits of alternate nostril breathing. That is when you are taking inhalations through one nostril and then exhaling through the other nostril. That is very very calming. It activates the parasympathetic nervous system, it helps to balance the brain. It can even help with brain focus.

Jen - Yes, my counselor encouraged me a while back to be aware that when we go through stressful or even traumatic moments, that we tend to start breathing more shallowly. When we breathe this way, then we are allowing less oxygen to our brain. Less oxygen to the brain means less ability to think clearly. Makes sense! So, I can choose to focus on deep breathing and take a break from the traumatic thoughts, and in that some “breath” I am also giving my brain fuel to process whatever that hard thing is that I am facing. So, Rhonda, you would agree with that, wouldn’t you?

Rhonda - Oh yes. When you are not properly oxygenated then your brain will not be rational. Plus it is good for your immune system. When we have a healthy oxygenated body then not only is our immune system being helped, but also our nervous system.

Another easy thing that people can do at home is oiling themselves. Traditionally ayurvedic practices use sesame oil, but you can use coconut oil or other oils. You just basically oil your body. You can do this right before your shower. You are supposed to let it sink into your skin for a little bit before your shower, but sometimes when I am in a hurry I just oil myself in the shower. Basically though, just oil everything. Oil your legs, toes, your ears hand.. Especially be sure to oil inside your ears and nose as their are alot of nerve endings there and the oil helps to calm it. Depending on my clients body type, I will suggest different oils for them. For instance, if they have a hot constitution then I will tell them to use coconut oil. Coconut oil is very cooling. Or if someone has lymphatic congestion, then I will suggest they use cleaver oil or violet oil. Castor oil is also wonderful, it is very detoxifying. I have many clients doing castor oil packs over specific parts of their body, like the liver, intestinal, chest or back areas. Castor oil helps with inflammation. It helps the lymph to flow freely. You can also infuse different herbs into castor oil too, like cleaver and violet. Alot of times I will use olive oil as the carrier because it is very shelf stable, and more neutral for either a hot or cold constitution. But, if someone has a very hot constitution then I will use coconut oil, which becomes more like a salve because it is a thicker oil.

Jen - How does someone know if they are hot constitution or cold constitution?

Rhonda - Someone with a hot constitution tends to get hot easily. They are sometimes red in the face, and can be quick tempered. People with hot constitutions tend to have a medium build. People with a cold constitution are more often thinner build, they get cool easily, can get pale, their pulse alot of times will be more thready and weak. Someone that is hot blooded will have a pulse that is more bounding and full, and their tongue will be red. A person that is cooler will have a pale tongue. So, there are different ways that you can see, and even different tests that you can take to determine your body type. Determining these things can be really helpful to know what might be most helpful for you.

So, another way to help your body is prayer, and quiet time. Even if it is just for five minutes, sometimes when we are stressed it is not possible at the time, but setting time aside each day can be so beneficial. If you can increase that to five minutes twice a day, and then 10 minutes. Just taking a break to pray, rest, concentrate on breathing would be helpful. There are so many things that we can do, that are basically free, but we have to take the time to do them.

Jen - I love this, and there are such fabulous resources in the Bible that speak to the value of pouring your heart out to God. Taking five seconds or five hours to tell God what is really going on deep down inside. The book of Psalms is loaded with examples of how great people of faith took time to pour out some hard stuff in their heart. Their are also examples of how bitterness, and a build up of hard emotions have an impact on the body.

But, its not just the heavy, weighted prayer. It is also the kind of prayer that just expresses to God all the things that you are so thankful for. In Philippians 4 verse 6 it starts out saying “be anxious for nothing”, and I’ve taken that wrong so many times, when I’ve sort of beat myself up thinking "I’m so bad at this christian thing because I’m anxious again". You see, I don’t think I did a great job of listening to the rest of the verse when it says, “ BUT, in everything with prayer and thanksgiving …”. Everything pour my heart out to God. Everything can connect with thanksgiving as I “let my requests be made known unto Him”. And then the cool thing that comes from that, is “a peace that passes understanding”. This peace will “guard your heart and soul in Christ Jesus”.

I tend to subconsciously act in a way that my anxious thoughts or my fears will guard me and protect me, but that is actually the opposite of where I get my protection from. It is the opposite of what will heal my heart. What is healing for my heart and my soul is the peace that comes from pouring my heart out and letting my requests be made known unto Him, with thanksgiving.

That being said, Rhonda, I think you would agree that gratitude is a huge part of walking through hard times.

Rhonda - It totally is. Even when we smile it changes our whole constitution. Waking up first thing in the morning, even before you get out of bed, ask yourself, “what are three things that I am grateful for?”.

The Bible even says that laughter is good medicine. ( https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs+17%3A22&version=NIV ). There are so many people that I see that I tell them that part of their protocol is to find something that makes them laugh. Life gets so serious and can be so painful, and we forget to laugh. And this is not to make light of a hard situation, but laughter stimulates the immune system. It changes our body chemistry. That verse is so powerful when we believe it and realize what laughter can do. There are people who have had laughter therapy who were given six weeks to live, because they were dying of cancer, and laughter was a huge part in them getting well.

So, whatever it is, “I love Lucy”, a comedian online, or hanging out with a friend who makes you laugh.

There are truly so many things that you can do. Even just slowing down.

I think that covid-19 has been bitter/sweet. It has caused alot of us to slow down and do some things that maybe we didn’t have time to do before. Slowing down and noticing what is really important that we otherwise don’t see when we are too busy.

Jen - Rhonda this is such good stuff!

At the retreat when we sat around the living room, our conversation was a bit somber, as we were very serious about wanting to get help. But we also had moments of lightness and fun. I remember that one of the ladies made up a song about tapping our thymus! But first Rhonda, can you share with Hope Layer listeners what thymus tapping is?

Rhonda - Your thymus is near your neck, near your clavicle bone, under your adam’s apple area. Tapping that area with your fingers a couple of times a day helps to activate our immune system. Sometimes our thymus gland can get lazy, just like our body can get stagnant. People that have an overactive immune system, if they have an autoimmune issue can also benefit from doing this. It is such a simple way to help wake up your immune system.

Jen -(to hear the short little diddy that was made up at the retreat, you’ll need to listen to episode 12 as I sing it there!

https://hopelayerpodcast.libsyn.com/12-restoration-is-rhonda )

Rhonda - also, when you are tapping your thymus, try saying something healing. Something that is affirming and true. You can say gratitudes about your body or soul. Our words have energy and are healing. Our body truly listens to what we say. That is another thing that I teach people, and it is a daily journey for all of us… what we say to ourselves. So, even if you are doing the oiling, or deep breathing, or whatever, you can speak and visualize healthy truths about yourself.

Jen - If you are listening today, and some of this is fuzzy, I feel an urge to remind you of some of the things that we all say like, “I have a stress headache”, or “I have a nervous stomach”.

Emotions affect our body , so I encourage myself and remind myself (because we all need reminders) that my emotion is affecting my body, and that emotion sort of made a “domino” fall down. Just like real dominoes, my body’s “domino” can make another part fall down. And if I don’t come alongside of the Restorer and help pick up that body/emotional domino then more dominoes will fall.

So, this conversation today is so that I can express to you a treasure that I received on the Restorable Retreat. I wanted to share it with those who listen and read along with me here, and for those who wanted to come to the retreat, but couldn’t.

We want to nurture someone who needs nurturing today. We want to share a picture of hope for someone who might be in a hard spot and is in need of someone to hold hope for them. The hope is, is that God loves you, He is real, He has not given up on you. Restoration is real, and we can come along side of the Restorer and sort of join in on the restoration process.

Friends, I have received so much comfort from God throughout my restoration process, and He has graciously given my Rhonda to help me along the way in my own healing journey. So, today may you be comforted with the comfort that we have received!

You may feel broken... but you are still so beneficial

jen@layeredphotography.com (Jen Mininger) — Mon, 01 Jun 2020 14:21:18 GMT

Question... Have you ever felt a quiet excitement about doing something, but then you stopped yourself from pursuing it because you felt you weren't a strong enough person for it? Or, maybe you thought you could possibly do it someday, but you just needed to “get your act together” first.

Worse yet… you've compared yourself to someone else that you thought had much better qualities than you, and it would be better if you just got out of their talented way.

How about, have you ever looked at someone else who did something valuable and you thought, “well, that person probably has it “all together”. You assume that he or she is amazing, talented, and strong… but not you, you’re not anything special. He or she doesn’t struggle like you do. Your thoughts have continued to spiral and you are left feeling less than, and inadequate.

Friends, I have thought all of that stuff too. Let me tell ya.. I am such a work in progress kinda girl.

I do not have it “all together”. I have so much to continue to learn. I struggle with the same negative thought patterns over and over again, I hold back, play small, make excuses, and …

AND…

I am a “work in progress”. Like, I am not where I used to be, and I can be thankful for that, right?

Acknowledging progress feels good. Its an opportunity to be honest and to not get stuck in discouragement. I believe it is a good practice to look back and remember where we were and the FACT that God has helped us move forward and make some progress! Remembering how He helped us gives us hope that He will be faithful to continue to help us through our next “impossible” task.

A "work in progress”.

I don’t know if today’s discussion is gonna be more about the “progress” part of that little statement, or the “work” part of it. Aaand.... Suddenly, I can hear my Daddy say, “you’re a piece of work”!

“Work”..

I've got a lot of work yet to be done on me. Like, I am still so much the broken one, and I know it! Yet, there I was leading a retreat for other broken women.

How can the broken lead the broken anyway?

It doesn’t seem humanly possible.

Doubts of my adequacy and competency rose up inside of me while preparing for the Restorable Retreat… and even while I was at the retreat. In fact, I remember texting Korey shortly before all the women arrived. I just quickly told him that I would like prayer because I suddenly felt like the “little girl” in the building. I felt ill-equipped to lead these precious women when I was, in fact, the one who needed the restorable content the most.

I named my ill-equipped feeling. I reached out for prayer. I prayed myself. And I was thankful that God helped me to let go of the doubt that would for sure hinder me from loving these women. Those doubts were just a tool that the enemy wanted to use to get me to NOT do this great work.

So, after this quick acknowledgement of my wrestling thoughts, I was able to walk down those two flights of stairs in the old stone bed and breakfast. My insecurities sort of melted away for a time as I began to as I began hugging and greeting other broken and doubting women.

We lingered around for a bit as the women arrived that Friday evening. We snacked from the beautiful spread on the long farmhouse table, got ourselves a little bit more settled in for our weekend away together.

Our first session began as we had hoped and planned that it would. It went the way that God led us to lead it… and I was thankful… again. We spent quiet time together naming our hard thing. Many of us used our restorable journals to safely and quietly describe our broken spot. During this sort of somber evening, we took time to look at the thing that keeps defeating us and knocking us over time and time again. The "thing" that likely brought us to the Restorable Retreat.

We then ended that Friday evening with my friend, Terry Boch, singing beautifully from her own broken heart….( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zA4pj3TiJLc ) the night ended quietly for most of us as we laid our tired heads down on clean beds.

As we woke up the next morning and meandered our way down the stairs, we were greeted with a delicious breakfast made by my dear childhood friend, Julie.

Together, we gathered around the long farmhouse table in wooden chairs of all different styles, painted white. We prayed together and filled our plates with a variety of delicious breakfast foods.

As we lingered there, we eventually began introductions. With basic instructions, we shared our names, what state we call “home”, one random and sort of light fact about ourselves, and then we shared something hard that we were currently facing. This hard thing could be anything on the scale of 1 to 10 of hard things since this was a safe place with no pressure to divulge all of our hearts. We needed this space so we could feel safely heard and known regarding our deepest heart’s ache, or our common daily struggles. This was a place for no judgement over what was shared.

The watching of a clock was not on our radar as we lingered over our cooling cups of coffee, muffin crumbs and last slices of quiche. This time was so sweet, so good. I loved this breakfast! I loved my time hearing from such a diverse group of women who were all united in the fact that we are truly a piece of work… in progress.

I honestly think we could have sat there for many more hours, sharing our hearts and nibbling on good food... but we had a full day ahead of us and a morning field trip to take!

We all left the table with full bellies and hearts of gratitude. It was a warm, cozy and comfortable environment, but now we needed to bundle up because it was COLD outside.

As we all dispersed to grab our boots and coats, I suddenly was invaded with thoughts of insecurity... again. This time, in part, because of the chilly weather. Were the women going to hate going outside after sitting at a cozy breakfast together? Was the cold damp air going to make something that was intended to be meaningful into a bad and rushed experience? I felt nervous.

Insecurity could have multiplied here and became the loudest voice inside of me, but thankfully I was able to dismiss it and REMEMBER the One who had led me to this very moment. After all, He was the One who allowed the weather to be what it was. So, I put on an extra layer of pants, slipped on my cute new finger-less gloves for camera shooting (thank you Ginny!!), and we piled, all 12 of us into two vehicles like a bunch of curious, new/old friends ready to adventure and explore together. Terry drove one vehicle, while I drove the other.

Everyone seemed content, and it seemed to me that all were at peace with this coming unknown.

Personally, I felt an unsettled stirring inside of me, a growing awareness that time was going to be very tight and I had to lead them all into a new and different environment.

My desire for this junkyard visit was to give each woman space to identify a vehicle that resembled their hard thing. My hope was that their tangible visual, and whole experience there might help them further name their hard thing and feel heard. I wanted to take pictures of them among the broken so that they could have further reflection later on to see what God wanted them to see and know.

As I was driving, I thought that it would be great if even just one or two women would find something that resonated with their heart and that I could capture it for them. Then, I thought that we might use what little time we had left to discuss some of my observations from walking among the broken things and imagining what the “Mechanic” would think of each of these broken ones.

I had great big desires for each of these women, but my insecurity or possibly, my lack of faith left me with low expectations. I had all my thoughts and ideas, but truthfully, I just knew that my plans had to be held very loosely, because the reality was, was that I actually had NO IDEA how this was going to go. I just hoped that it would be a helpful experience for at least some of the women.

I remember parking my van as we pulled up and saying something sarcastic about how weird it was that I drove a bunch of women to a junkyard! But time was ticking and God brought us this far with a gift for us to discover, I just had to lay my insecurities down and see what HE might have for us there.

So I got out of my van and meandered my way through a skinny dirt isle between junked vehicles and stepped into the tiny building that was considered the “junkyard office”. Inside this office was a bunch of stuff that seemed to be scattered EVERYWHERE and a desk covered with old dirtied keys and paperwork. Behind the desk was a sweet old woman whose head was covered in white fluffy hair. I reminded her of our previous phone call and of the 12 women coming for the purpose of taking pictures. I was relieved that she remembered me.

As I began writing out a check for our visit, I heard a song playing on an old radio in the background. The old familiar words were sung, “This is my story, this is my song. Praising my Savior all the day long...”. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDeiy9-t2GE

I turned to that gentle woman and said, “oh my, this is such a GOOD song”. She sweetly smiled and said, “yes it is”.

It was an old familiar hymn owning a story with joy because they had hope for their future. A story declaring assurance that Jesus was theirs. This song was not written declaring their struggles as their story, but declaring that HOPE was their story. A song of perspective… a song of hope.

This song was God reminding me that He was right there with me… with us. Bringing 12 women to a junkyard was not my idea, and it was not silly. I could have assurance that this little trip was in fact God’s idea and I could trust Him. I didn’t have to be awkward, apologetic or sarcastic, I just had to trust that God was bringing us here, together.

Now, with tears in my eyes and a deep awareness of His kind presence, I stepped out of that office with excitement, confidence and expectation. I gathered the women and together we walked into that junkyard with our storied pasts. We walked with God’s hopeful story of the future that He has planned for us.

We meandered through tight dirt alleys between piled up old pieces of abandoned junked cars and arrived at the back yard where we would receive time to see if God had something personal to show us.

I assured the women that there was no pressure, and they didn’t need to awkwardly force anything. They could just receive this time as a gift to be open and observe what God might want to show them. And, IF God showed them a broken down car that resembled the broken thing in their heart, they could just let me know and I would gladly take pictures of them with their visual.

Each of the ladies began to walk away to meander around and take in the sights. Within a few very short moments, a dear friend came hustling over to me. Her eyes were a little extra moist and there was a giddy smile on her face as she began to lead me to her broken thing. While climbing over other broken things to get there, she told me that she “didn’t come for this”. She didn’t plan on looking or finding something to visualize her broken thing. BUT.. there it was! It was like God placed this old red truck with a heart carved out of the door right there, FOR HER. I simply asked her, “why THIS truck?”. As she answered tears continued to pile up in her eyes, and her smile looked like something of a child on Christmas morning. I snapped several pictures of her authentic heart and this gift from God. I then came close to her to hug her because I love her and I was drawn to her authentic moment that God was stirring in her. I agreed with her that God gave her this gift for her recovering heart, and then I told her that I was going to walk away from her to leave her with our kind Gift Giver…. Jesus. I turned around and walked away from my tear-filled, smiling face friend, and left her with the One who loves her so well.

I began to find my way back to the aisle of cars, only to catch up with another woman who “found her car”.

As she ran her hands over that old solid exterior, she shared with me the significance of how this car was so obviously helping her see and name her brokenness. This visual was also being used to offer her a fresh perspective of the truth of her reality. What seemed miraculous, to me, was that God was giving her a deeper understanding of reality from her difficult childhood memories... all from a heap of junk, in a junk yard.

She felt heartache looking at this car, and she felt hope… I took her picture, prayed with her, hugged her, and then left her to be with the One who knows her painful past and her hopeful story.

I turned around and walked a little further and found another sweet friend who shared with me her reluctance to even look for a car to identify with.

... but then, there it was...

Just as cute and sweet as she was… and... just as run down and hurting as her heart was feeling.

Tears began to come as she shared how this car felt surprisingly personal and validating to her. I took her picture, prayed with her, hugged my dear hurting friend and then left her to be with the One who knows her tired soul.

As I walked away I found more women ready and waiting to show me their cars and trucks and share why they felt so personally drawn to their broken visual. I heard powerful feeling words and listened to validating moments. I saw tears fall as authentic eyes looked at me, hoping for restoration. I captured their hearts, I captured them with their broken thing. I hugged each of them, and then I turned and walked away to leave them with the God of all comfort, and to go see if more hearts needed to be heard and captured.

Friends, this happened eleven times! Not just one or two of us experienced something personally valuable here in this 20 acre junkyard, but all twelve of us were given a visual to show us the condition of our heart and story. We were offered, by God, an opportunity to feel heard and understood.

It was twelve moments for twelve women to feel personally seen, loved and validated in our broken places.

This. Was. Crazy… to me. Supernatural. What I thought might be embarrassing and weird to share with people that I took myself to a junkyard back in February, 2017… turned out to be a powerful form of therapy for more than just me. This was NOT my idea.. This was God’s personal hug to each of us.

Oh, how I would love to take you along with me to hear and see each woman’s heart, story and broken down vehicle. I would love to tell you observations that we made.

But, maybe you are curious about the broken thing that I chose. Did I even choose one? Did I get to participate in this supernatural activity? Well, here is my story from this meaningful morning.

Shortly after we arrived, my friend Meagan told me that she would be happy to make sure that pictures were taken of me too. She said that if I find a broken down car or truck that I identified with, then I could let her know. I would be able to cry with Meagan if I needed and she could capture my heart with my own personal visual. I said “yes” to her offer, then went on my way to capture other women’s hearts.

In my meandering around and taking pictures of broken cars and broken women, I did see a truck that I truly identified with. I took a picture of that truck as it did captivate me. I wanted to remember it, and consider what God was showing me from that sight of brokenness. But I didn’t have Meagan take a picture of me with it. I just didn’t feel drawn to it at that moment.

Instead of getting pictures with that truck, I chose to live the lesson that the visual was showing me.

You see, this truck was an old Ford flatbed hauler. It was a car carrier, I suppose. On the back of it was an old car, or maybe two cars smashed on top of each other. Then on top of those wrecked cars was a bed to an old pick up truck and who knows what else was dumped on that hauler.

Looking at this heap of a mess, I wondered, did this truck carry more than it was intended to carry? The creator of that truck probably had a weight limit. How many times did it exceed its weight capacity? How often did it attempt to manage more than it was ever created for? I looked at the cab of that truck and saw that it had come to its end. It hauled, and helped and carried until it could go no more. Now, the hauler lies stuck in a junkyard. Not able to thrive and be used for its original purpose. It was stuck between and under other broken things. It was now useless.

When I first saw the old burned out thing, I knew my brokenness resonated with it. I have a tendency to carry more than what was intended for me to carry. It’s not good. It doesn’t “help” anyone in the end when I am sitting slumped over, grouchy, tired, resistant, defeated… or even, resentful. Sure, some of it is the choices that others have made, but some of it is my own choice to carry more than I was created for.

While it is true that we are to “bear one another’s burdens”, we were not meant to carry them like only God can. When someone else's “burden” comes to me, I can care for it and even carry it as God compels me to… but if I am choosing to carry more than He compels me to, then I am running a high chance that I will end up breaking down and in the end unable to help anyone. Unable to even thrive, myself. As I run myself ragged, I end up offering less quality care, less sincerity, less help…. And I begin to feel less alive.

I think I do this for lots of reasons. At times, my motivation is truly because I care. Being compassionate and empathetic is a deep part of my true self. I really love and care for others. It is a strength of mine... it can also have a back sided weakness. Sometimes I think I over carry out of obligation. I feel like I “have” to. By some human standards, I feel like I am supposed to, and if I don't then maybe I will be a letting someone down. Sometimes it is because I think I will be liked better. Other times, I think I over-carry because it makes me feel good, like my carrying makes me more valuable of a person. Then, quite possibly I do more than what is intended for me because I am not trusting God to do what truly only He can do. Do I actually think He can’t do it without me, or something ridiculous like that?!

When I carry more than what I am called to carry I run the risk of interfering with an opportunity for a loved one to lean on the One who knows best. I could even be creating a relationship that becomes unhealthfully dependent on "needing" me to be their helper and carry-er. That is not good. That may actually be robbing them of discovering a strength that they already have from God… a strength that is so much better than I could offer.

But on this day.. In this mess of a junkyard. I was living free to love and carry other’s burdens, but in a fresh new way. In a way that was still sincerely interested, loving and caring, BUT without feeling like I needed to be the one to rescue them in their moment. After all, it would be silly to step in and rescue them when God was obviously already part of their moment and loving them so well right then and there. Would I possibly be interfering with their sweet moment with God?

So, when that first woman had tears and a sincere story next to her gift of a truck, I, of course, wanted to stay with her. I would have loved to linger with her, hug her, and listen to her. Possibly, for hours. I wanted to ask her questions and give her space to let it all out. None of those desires of mine were bad, in fact, I believe that it is a good friend who takes time to do that… BUT… THAT was NOT what God was calling me to do at that moment, on this particular day. Rather, He was like, “I got this Jen, I know her story and her heart. I brought her here, I gave her this visual… and I will remain with her while you walk away and go do something else for Me”.

Friends, walking away was NOT natural for me, BUT I was able to supernaturally TRUST the “Mechanic”, the One who ultimately knows how to restore. I am a tool that He chooses to use to partner with Him… and this time, He chose to use my tool in another way. This trust was so free-ing for me. It was new, different and fresh.. I didn’t feel run-down carrying more than I was intended to in that moment. I felt lite, purposeful, dependent on the Mechanic, and grateful to GET to be PART of His restoring “project”.

I was clearly being used by God to help women in their broken state. I was able to listen, to hold, to creatively capture their hearts and their stories. And possibly, most important, I was able to leave them in the hands that could actually carry hold them so well. I was even able to get to all eleven women.

It was really cool to get to be used by God in such a powerful experience! BUT, truth be told, friends… I am still so broken. I too am mangled, defeated, discouraged, and tired. I am filled with confusion, false beliefs, fear and anxious thoughts.

HOW is it that I can be used to lead eleven other women? How can this broken one that can’t “carry” anymore be a tool used to bring restoration to other's aching souls?

Honestly, it is such a mystery. A mystery that I think Paul the apostle was talking about when he shared that he too struggled with a weakness that God was not going to take away. He acknowledged his weakness before God. He was broken, humble and honest with God... and THAT, I believe, is where he found his strength and ability to be used while being so weak. When we are honest about our inadequacies and we humble ourselves with God, we are acknowledging our need for Him, and turning towards depending on Him rather than trying to muster up something within ourselves that is fractured and will not be reliable. God’s response to Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9 is “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”.

So, there I was, in all of my brokenness. So very aware of my brokenness and so very aware of my need for God to be my strength. I was being used for something bigger than I could know or understand, something way more than I could possibly carry.

So, when I got a chance, I told Meagan that I didn’t want a picture with my broken down car carrier that day. I wanted a picture of ME, in all my brokenness and in all His glory. I wanted a picture of broken me in a broken environment loving and serving other broken ones. A picture of broken me feeling fully alive… not run down and defeated… but thriving, even in my broken state, even in a broken environment...even with other broken ones!

I am not on the other side of the restoration process… I am actually in the THICK of being restored, and I find it so amazing, so creative and so life giving that one of the ways that God chooses to restore me is by teaching me how to love others in a healthier way. He is showing me that I am valuable and helpful, but I am NOT called to carry others in my own strength.

I was NO different than all these other women. I wasn't leading this retreat because I "had it all together".

My broken down truck was like theirs. It was in rough shape and it told a difficult and personal story. Our visuals were not on the other side of restoration process.

I think that one of the gifts that God wanted me to receive from this Restorable Retreat was that He can use me even while still in my broken state. He can even use me while living in the proverbial junkyard, while being broken and surrounded by other broken ones, broken things. But, He wants to use me in a way that I am intended to be used. I am a tool, not the “Mechanic”. I am dependent on the “Mechanic’s” strength and guidance. I have permission to be one of the broken among other broken ones, and let God be God. What a gift that I don’t need to be fully restored to be enriched by being used.

This junkyard trip with eleven beautifully broken women was a precious experience.

Together, we acknowledged our hard and broken places, and we chose to want hope, to want restoration where we feel despair.

We were naming our hard things and giving them over to the One who knows the beauty that can come from our ashes. Because of this, we were already not where we used to be, and together we could feel that we are a hopeful “work in progress”.

I hope that you too can honestly acknowledge your brokenness, and also look back and see that you are not where you used to be. God is loving you through this. He is with you, helping you, maturing you, and strengthening you. You are a “work in progress” because of His love and His faithfulness to you.

I hope that you feel encouraged that you don’t have to have it all together to be used for something bigger and greater than yourself. God can do something so creative and way outside of your wildest imagination to bring hope and healing to others, even by using broken you. We are a useful tool for the “Mechanic’s” restoration work! He is so merciful and I know this is absolutely true… therefore I have hope.

“I remember my affliction and my wandering…

yet this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.

They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness”

Lamentations 3:19 - 22

If you just felt drawn into our experience here while reading about it...

If you possibly related to some of the pictures or pieces of stories felt....

If you want to continue to experience the retreat with us...

Then you can listen to the podcast that we heard together just after our little junk yard trip.

I pre-recorded a podcast for us retreat ladies to listen to while we drove back to the bed and breakfast. It is was a quiet and reflective drive as we all sat listening to words that resonated with our hearts.

https://hopelayerpodcast.libsyn.com/what-if-your-hard-thing-doesnt-change ,

or if you prefer to head to your preferred podcast listener, then listen to Episode #9, "What if your hard thing doesn't change".

Pursuing "balance" OR Accepting the variety of seasons... which is better? * Part 1 of "Reflections from the Restorable Retreat"

jen@layeredphotography.com (Jen Mininger) — Fri, 15 May 2020 12:43:32 GMT

Pursuing "balance" VS Accepting various seasons....
Part 1 of "Reflections from the Restorable Retreat"

My husband once encouraged me with these simple words, he said; "I think that 'balance' might be something that we visit as the pendulum swings back and forth".

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I breathed a sigh of relief from those gentle words that were spoken to me probably a decade or so ago now…. And, I find myself still leaning into that grace, today.

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I mean, what if, instead of striving for daily "balance" we were more so created for seasons and rhythms.

Certainly, some seasons are more full and intense, while other times are more quiet and restful.

So, what if, instead of killing myself over how I’m not doing it all just "right", maybe I could learn to receive grace and some sort of acceptance in my here and now. Could this grace help me accept my seasons for what they are? Would I be able to roll with the intense seasons better? Could I enjoy the slow seasons more fully?

It would be nice to not fight each season, thinking that I need to constantly adjust to achieve some sort of “correct” balance. What if I could just learn to be in the here and now, and observe life lessons to receive wisdom for my future various seasons?

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After all, maybe neither kind of season is wrong or right... or better... or worse. They're just different, and maybe we actually need both. Plus, I really like the variety that seasons offer anyway.

I recently enjoyed a very full season of intensity and pouring out. It was a time of digging deep to work on what I called “The Restorable project”. This was an unusual season for me to spend so much time typing, strategizing, planning and coordinating for something other than my family. For hours upon hours, week after week I would pour into this project, while also trying to meet my deepest desire of remaining present with my family each evening. It was an intense season of hustle, one that I didn’t know that I would have during these years with 4 teenagers and a ten year old. Honestly, I never imagined that I would be called to juggle in this way at all. I would have been hard on myself for not doing the “balance” thing good enough. Nonetheless, there I was doing life in a different way… for me… for a season.... and it was good.

And now, as the Restorable Retreat has ended and the planning, preparing, and pouring out has settled down, I have chosen to let overall intensity settle down too. It is now a season to breathe a little slower so that I may listen well, and hustle less! It’s a season to enjoy longer lunches out in the sun, & slower moments with my family. I am enjoying the extra space to be more creative in the kitchen again. I like making food for my family as a loving and creative act rather than just something on my daily to-do list. It feels right… for right now. I have less on my proverbial plate, and that is ok. I planned to have this space, because constant fullness is just not sustainable... well, at least not for me, it isn’t!!

So, why is it so tempting to stay in the intense? To continue with the momentum. To find security in the fullness, the busy, the productive, the achieving? Busy-ness can so easily become our normal, our only rhythm… but God did not create us to stay in the “go, go, go”. I know this, because He created rest. So, anyway on Sunday, March 1st, I drove away from that retreat with an awareness that my next right step was to rest and relish in how God answered so many longing prayers. In this season, I am being careful to not fill in the gaps of my time with the next pursuit, but rather let my quiet curiosity of “what’s next” be brought to the One who knows. He will show me, in His time.

Interestingly enough, just a couple of weeks into this planned pause, our world was hit with a pandemic that has created a culture of slow, for so many of us. The coronavirus. A time where, unless you are sort of on the front lines of this battle, then you are forced into a season where you can’t go go go quite as much. So, needless to say this “corona-cation” has sort of confirmed my slow season, and even extended it.

For the most part, I really am ok with it. I think, in part because I like to be at home, and I do enjoy my kids! But, also because I kind of have this tension inside of me, a bit of a concern I guess. I sort of feel like our world, and our culture, or maybe just myself… we are just kind of, full. We are full of stimulation, full of opportunities, we are full of alot of GOOD things… but in the end, I wonder, are we just full? Kind of like, bloated? We love the feelings associated with accomplishing, doing, and achieving. We love to dream, to start new things, and be inspired.. And I think we should. But do we take enough time to pause, to savor and digest any of that good stuff when we so quickly bite into the next good thing?

This concern is part of what has led me to do a simple practice that I recommend to my listeners at the end of each Hope Layer Podcast episode. It is a lite encouragement to “write down one thing that you received before the noise of this life chokes it out. A quiet moment to take it to heart and receive from it before you walk away from it”. I really value these little moments, but, this time because of my recent full season, I am taking more than just a 5 minute pause to reflect and take note. I planned for a month of rest. A season for listening and receiving treasures from what God had just done in me, through me, and around me. That planned month has now turned into two, it just wasn’t time yet. So, for 2 months now I have been writing things down as I reflect on all that the recent full season had to offer.

When entering this restful pause, I kind of felt that gratitude was going to be a big part of it. Probably because I feel so thankful for so many things that I experienced from planning and enjoying the restorable project, and I don’t want to quickly move on and forget these treasures. So, I decided to purchase Ann Voskamp’s book, “One Thousand Gifts”. I wanted it to be a tool to help me be intentional about giving thanks throughout this rest season. If you never read her book… it is a book written by a woman who discovered gifts from journaling 1,000 things that she was thankful for, and I sure do recommend it!

I picked up this book to encourage me towards gratitude while intentionally choosing rest, and I found it very cool when I discovered some of her thoughts on rest in it. I think that “rest” is part of her gratitude book because of her choosing to PAUSE throughout her day to note what she feels thankful for. She is soaking in her gratitude feelings before rushing onto the next thing. Here is an observation she makes from another author. Voskamp quotes Mark Buchanan from his book, “The rest of God, restoring your soul by restoring your sabbath”. He says, “Being in a hurry. Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I’ve ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing… Through all that haste I thought I was making up time. It turns out I was throwing it away”.

Ann goes on to say, “haste makes waste”.

That is affirming for me to hear right now. So good. I don’t want to miss a thousand things because I rushed too quickly onto the next thing.

So, what I have decided to do with these gratitudes and observations that I am noting, is to share some of the treasures that I have found, right here with you all. I want to extend to you some of the hidden treasures that were found from believing that God was truly up to something good when He laid this “too big” project on my heart and propelled me into a uncharacteristically full season.

And today, I’m gonna start with the most basic, yet most complex gift.

Trust.

Well, I suppose I am also sharing the ideas of rest and seasons too.. But trust is under all of it, and trust was what led me to my recent full season, and trust is what is allowing me to have a rest season right now.

As you might know, I wrestled for almost a year with this idea of turning Restorable into a weekend retreat. It wasn’t until about 6 months before the actual retreat, that I finally gave in. I surrendered. I decided that this idea was in fact, not my own. This was God’s idea, and since I know that God is real, that He loves me and has been my source of strength and help… well... then I could trust it. I could trust Him.

That turn towards trust, towards faith and even obedience was something that I was slowly building up to, and I sure do continue to struggle with it and grow into it. But, there was a day when a significant turn towards trust happened inside of me in early October 2019. It was the day that I wrote the deposit check for booking a whole beautiful bed and breakfast for two nights in late February. I wrote the check not having any idea if I was going to be there alone for a weekend, or if God was going to fill the old stone home with other women. I had no idea if that deposit money that was intended to be used for photography needs was going to be refunded. And crazy as it might sound (to me), in that moment, it finally didn’t matter. I just knew that I was supposed to commit to an unknown.

Writing that check actually ended up feeling like freedom. I ended the wrestling over whether or not I should commit and discovered how this could further open my heart up to trust. This was supernatural. Not normal. Not Jen’s typical, but it felt good.

I felt this unfamiliar freedom throughout the coming months of working on this project. I was doing something hard, vulnerable and out of my ordinary. It was bigger than me and I could only do this with prayer support and constant reminders that “He who began this good work in me, would be faithful to complete it”... almost daily those words would ring in my ears. Daily I would feel reminders that this thing, this retreat was His… His… and I could trust Him. Those words and the words prayed to God by a precious prayer team truly became the power source that kept me going. I was able to keep digging deep to discover what God wanted me to see in my restorable soul.

One of the things that I remember saying in the last week before the retreat, and even while on the retreat was that I had peace. I felt peace. I felt ok…. and I felt freedom! In all human (Jen) standards I should have had nausea, headaches and sleepless nights… but instead I had a supernatural ability to trust the One who had led me and would continue to lead me.

He kept leading me one small lit step at a time, and I am so glad that I was able to trust Him. That trust gave me the opportunity to experience this retreat and this whole restorable project, and it ended up to be SO good. It was rich and full of treasures that I didn’t know He would have for me and eleven other women.

Together we stepped into an unknown. Together we let God lead us, and together we were loved.

But, it all had to begin with what felt like a risky step of faith… a believing that God was, in fact, desiring to use what He gave me. It was a choice to stop wrestling over whether or not I was going to like what God had for me in this “too big” thing. And it was from that one “yes”, that so many lessons and sweet gifts would come.

So, I am sharing this with you here, because I know that I am not alone. There are others who are questioning God’s direction for their current season or possibly their next season. I mean, of course there are… we are in the middle of a global pandemic! So many of us are in a season of “not normal”. Our lives have literally taken a sudden massive shift outside of our control and we aren’t sure what or when the next shift will be, so of course we will have moments of questioning God’s leading and purpose in our lives.

Or maybe you too have felt a quiet nudge inside of you. A nudge that God might be dreaming bigger things for you then you are willing to admit? Could He possibly be dreaming something beautiful for you in the thick of something hard? Could He maybe be wanting to create beauty from your ashes and purpose out of your pain? Maybe you are scared of unknown results? You know that God is real and you say that He is good, but you too find it hard to live like you believe that. Do you think that He will sustain you, or abandon you? Do you trust Him?

Is it possible that this season is pulling you out of an intense season and into a season for rest and reflection… is that good for you, or does it feel unsettling? Or maybe, you're in a season that is sort of amping up the intensity and you don’t know how you will ever be able to continue at this full steam ahead pace? Can you trust Him as your seasons shift and change?

Whatever your season is looking like right now, I hope that I can encourage you from my corner of the world. I hope that I can extend gifts to you from my own time of soaking in and savoring the treasures that God has just given to me from my season of intensity. I want to receive from it before I walk away from it. I want to discover more, because it was so rich. And, of course, I do have a curiosity as to what is next, but I am leaning towards trusting that I will discover that in due time… because there is “time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens” (Ecc. 3:1). I have to remind myself that I am not missing out, nor am I missing what good next thing He might have for me. Friends, the previous season was so good. And now, this season of rest is also good, because there is time for that too!

As I am slowly emerging out of my “rest” season now and sharing my discoveries here with you, I hope that you too will discover treasures for your own life from my choice to say “yes” to the Restorable Retreat. I hope that you will not only get to hear some of the things that I learned through this process, but also get to hear some of the goodness from some of the women who joined me at the retreat. I want you to get to imagine being on the retreat, eating the delicious food and walking through the junkyard with us. I want to invite you to imagine that you were there too, and in so doing, that you might also gain something for your restorable heart from our time away together.

Friend, my hope is that together we will learn to trust the One who created seasons for us. That we will embrace the full seasons and discover treasures in them. That we will begin to know more deeply how our full seasons can be filled with treasures, purpose and meaning and how they can be so fruitful. But ALSO the seasons of rest, as they too have treasures, purpose, meaning and that rest also brings fruit! And I hope that as we grow to trust God, that we will continue to discover a grace that opens up a deep and beautiful layer of hope for our varied seasons.

As always...if reading is something that is hard for you to commit your time to, then you can listen to me read these posts for you on The Hope Layer Podcast. You can subscribe on Itunes, spotify, stitcher...or wherever you like to listen to podcasts. OR... look above here and click the button that simply says "Podcast"! :)

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Hope and beauty for the one who feels like a "lemon"... Transcript from an interview with Tonya Nagle on The Hope Layer Podcast episode #8

Wed, 19 Feb 2020 19:29:11 GMT

No matter your past or your struggle, you can have hope.
Soak in this authentic talk with Tonya Nagle.
R ead the transcript from our discussion here or head to The "Hope Layer" podcast and listen to episode #8

You know, I’m all about authenticity over here, right?

Well, let me just say that doing this podcast can be really fun at times, but sometimes it is just grueling hard work. For example..back in December I spent days pouring over content, writing and recording a whole podcast and blog… only, to delete it.

It wasn’t right, it didn’t feel authentic or validating. I was annoyed, defeated and felt like throwing in the towel (again). So, I told God about it, asked my prayer team to pray about it, and literally as I was praying about it my friend Tonya called me, and then I told her about it.

I told Tonya about my heart for the car that feels like a “lemon”...

WAIT… maybe you don’t know what a “lemon vehicle” is??... OK well here is what Wikipedia says about a “lemon”...

“In US English, a lemon is a vehicle (often new) that turns out to have several manufacturing defects affecting its safety, value or utility. Any vehicle with such severe issues may be termed a lemon and, by extension, so may any product with flaws too great or severe to serve its purpose.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org › wiki › Lemon_(automobile)

And do you know what happens to a car once it is considered a “lemon”? Well… the owner can reject it and the manufacturer can REPLACE the lemon with a new and better vehicle.

Now, if I re-worded that Wikipedia definition and put in the word “person” in place of “vehicle”...it would go something like this....

“According to human standard, a lemon is a person that turns out to have several issues, faults, weaknesses, and hurts affecting its SAFETY, VALUE OR its ability to be USEFUL. Any human with such issues may be termed a “lemon” with flaws too great to have purpose for this life.”

In this Restorable project, the “lemon” represents the person with the spot in their heart or their life that they have tried to fix, tried to improve, tried to overlook, tried and tried to deal with their issue or weakness or fault, only to feel they hit a wall… again. The lemon is often left feeling tired… maybe even tired of having hope for that struggling spot.

Ya know, when I was walking around in that junkyard, I saw alot of vehicles that were obviously “too far gone”. Which is why I did an interview with Marie Monville on LINK EPISODE 6, because from the outside we could look at her story and think that it could be a “total loss”.

But then as I continued to walk around the junkyard, I saw some vehicles that didn’t look totaled. From the outside they looked, “ok”, but they were there for a reason. Maybe they were there because they were declared a “lemon”. Maybe that thing inside of them was continually holding them back, and they were sent to the junkyard.

Anyway, I was sharing all this with Tonya over the phone, and as I shared my struggle, I could sense her leaning into this conversation. You see, SHE can relate! Though, I doubt she would ever put herself in a box labeled “lemon vehicle”, she sure could relate to how her feelings related to this analogy.

So, a little something that Tonya didn’t know was that I had already been praying for probably over a month about whether or not I should interview Tonya for this “lemon” episode. I felt a nudge that she was the girl for this job, BUT, I didn’t pursue her for it… instead, I worked hard at doing it myself because I was too insecure and unsure about asking.

Isn’t it a good thing that God had her call me RIGHT when I felt defeated about it, and right when I remembered that I needed HIM to do this whole podcast/blog thing? Isn’t it good that she chose to listen to my struggle, like a good friend? AND...isn’t it good that I finally invited her to be a guest on the Hope Layer Podcast?

Friend, she said “yes!”... actually she said, “I am TOTALLY up for the lemon conversation!! … I am SO on board with this and I will make whatever work!! … I’ve never heard of the ‘lemon perspective’ but it is right on and I wanna be used right where I am… fully, completely in full blown, unsexy lemon status (not lemonade yet!).

So, as it turns out, it was God’s idea to invite her to do this talk with me… if only, I would have trusted that a couple of months ago, and saved myself alot of unnecessary hustling!! But, that is a whole other conversation!

BECAUSE...today, I am sitting here at my table with my dear friend, Tonya Nagle!!

Hey Tonya, do you remember why we originally became friends??

TONYA-

I remember the first time we met because our daughters were friends, right? We met at school.

JEN-

Yes, we connected because our daughters wanted to hang out, so we ended up having a little lunch date. You came over with all of your kids, and all of my kids were there. That is when you and I became buddies, and I was like, “sure, my daughter can hang out at your house, but I think I should too, because we became friends, and I am so thankful for that!f

TONYA -

Well, I remember the first time I met you and Karis and Eden were hanging out with each other, and I thought, “Oh, I bet I would like to be her friend”.

JEN -

Yes, we were destined to be friends!!

So, you are a momma and a wife and I think it would be helpful if others know a bit about that home life of yours that you do so passionately.

TONYA-

We have four kids that we love to pieces. They are ages 17 down to 10 years old. They are the biggest joys of my life. And Adam and I have been married almost 21 years in March. It is one very hard love story, and I love him with all my heart. I am so thankful for what God is redeeming in all those relationships.

JEN -

Now, before we get into Tonya’s heavy “lemon” stuff… I gotta tell you that this girl has a way of lighting up the room. She has a contagious joy that makes you want to laugh and be silly right along with her...and man, am I ever thankful for friends like her!

She is a creative genius. She could totally be a professional singer, she makes up weird songs, she probably has multiple nicknames for their dog “Nora”... and if you want some good doses of goofy laughter mixed in with heavy authenticity then you should definitely consider following her on social media… she’s got two thing going…

Ya know what… Could you tell everyone a bit about your current business journey?

https://www.instagram.com/so_fly_earrings/ https://www.instagram.com/beauty_lies_ahead/

TONYA-

“So Fly” is my little leather jewelry business that God just kind of started, I think three or four years ago now. It has just been fun. I never knew I wanted to make earrings for people, and I never knew how much I would love seeing them shine from ear to ear in something that makes them feel beautiful. So that’s been a fun little side hustle!

My little “Beauty Lies Ahead” page, was something that God birthed in my heart to talk about the heart and art of home, but not from a perfection stand point. It is more from a gritty day to day. Discovering what is the beauty that God is creating here that maybe isn’t fully developed or here yet? It is not the complete picture. It is the beauty that lies ahead that He is doing now, here today. It is the gentle weaving of doing life and letting Him build something beautiful that isn’t fully actualized yet.

That is how I see “home”. It is authentic and it is hopeful. It doesn’t always feel beautiful or completely complete...today.

JEN -

Can you share why you resonate with this whole lemon idea?

TONYA -

Well, I did love what you were saying on the phone that day. I related to it, but never heard it put that way. Knowing your restorable project, and knowing that you had visited the junk yard… I listened and I was like, “Yes, a lemon!”.. Then I was like, “Oh my word, I feel like a lemon”. There are people out there who feel like “lemons”.

During our phone conversation, I had no idea that you might have me in mind for that. I was just thinking that we need to encourage the person who feels like they have been relegated to that lemon status. Nobody wants to be a lemon. It is a special tough thing feeling like a lemon.

JEN-

Yes, to feel like you're behind the eight ball and you can’t get that thing right. From the outside you might look ok, and not because you're faking it, but your functional. Meanwhile, your insides are just this constant like black cloud that nags at you cause you feel like you can’t get it “right”. This thing won’t change inside of you.

May I ask why you felt like the “lemon”?

TONYA -

So, I will be 45 years old in a month, and I never went to counseling until I was 36. That was way too long to wait, but it was sort of out of necessity though. My husband and I had moved around alot. We were in the ministry, and didn’t make alot of money. At one point we lived in such a rural area that the closest counselor lived a full 2 hours away. So, really, I went to counseling as soon as I could.

But, what I did learn is that your 30’s is typically when your childhood trauma tends to surface. It has something to do with emotional and psychological development. If you have alot of trauma or maybe acute trauma from childhood, it can tend to sort of sit dormant. Also, because of the trauma, you are in a bit of a fog. It's kind of like getting too much electricity and everything just sort of shorts out. That is kind of what our heart and mind can do. It is too much. We can’t sort through it, and so it has a way of sort of landing on your head and you just all the sudden short out and you don’t know why. That is part of the “lemon” status. It takes lemon-like things to get you to that point. So that is kind of what had happened to me.

I remember by the time I had my fourth baby… well, before I had kids, I would say I was in a bit of an emotional fog. I didn’t know what I thought or felt about alot of things. I didn’t even know that I didn’t know. So, with each child I felt like my heart, mind and psyche even was awakening to what it is like to fully live and fully feel. By the time I had my fourth baby, I was thawing out! It really feels like frostbite. Your mind and emotions are waking up to how you really feel, and to what has happened to you...and it throbs! Feeling again actually hurts terribly. I started crying all the time and I didn’t know why. But, it was at that moment or during that season that I started to acknowledge that this traumatic life that I had for the first 18 years, literally, was now in me and following me around, sort of. I realized that this wasn’t something that I could just close the book on and have a chapter of. This wasn’t something that I could jump on another road and have another journey. This was my journey and this was me and there was no easy fix. There was no changing it. It was what it was!

I learned in counseling and alot of reading about trauma, that a classic response is to want to package it up, put a lid on it, set it in a corner and not think about it anymore. It is so painful. Because if you try to look at it, tear it apart and examine it, it can actually shipwreck your ability to live day to day. It is so hard there aren’t adequate words for it. There isn’t a good description for it. I defies explanation. Nothing could be validating enough. There are no words that do it justice. There is no jumping into another story. There is no forgetting it and putting it behind.

Then, with each consecutive baby that I had, and the longer that I was married, the more I realized that those first 18 years were deeply affecting me day to day, and it wasn’t anything that I readily understood, and it wasn’t anything that I could make go away. I was squarely in the middle of what Beth Moore talks about… a pit. You can get thrown into a pit… (the pit is suffering, it is the thing that you can’t get out of on your own) … you can jump in the pit by accident, or you can slip in. I had been thrown in and I could not get out. And that is the lemon status. Here I am in a pit. A bit of a wreck below the surface and I can’t do anything about it. I can’t fix it.

JEN-

So we can understand you, and so we can understand how you got to this point of saying, “this is my life, these are my insides”. Can you share a little bit of your backstory with us?

TONYA-

Yes, but to be honest, it has taken me this long to be able to talk about it, without bawling my whole way through it. But, what I can say, is that as a kid I always knew something was wrong. I knew that something wasn’t right. I was afraid, I was jittery and nervous alot of the time. There was alot of heavy physical contact coming my way… head to toe.

I was being physically abused. I was being emotionally abused. I was being psychologically abused as a child, from as little as I can remember. This all registered with me through sheer confusion. I always just thought, “what’s wrong?”. I always tried to run away…. Always, always, from as young back as I have memory of, trying to figure out a way out. If I packed my lunch box full of apples and I walked as far as I could in one day, could I get far enough, could I make it? Would I find another family? I also would feel guilty wishing that one or both of my parents would pass away. I thought that that would solve all my problems, but I felt bad about that. I felt terrible about wanting that, but I realized later as an adult, that that was my way of trying to cope. Like, if I could just get this taken care of then I would be able to survive.

JEN-

Do you think it was a way of looking for hope? Like, “life could be better if ____” . Almost like a fantasy, right?

TONYA -

Yes, and also a way of trying to make sense of it. I couldn’t make sense of it, but if I could just get rid of it, then I would be ok.

I also never had the strength to talk about it. Because what I know now, that I didn’t know back then, was that people that don’t come from abuse places, don’t understand why kids can’t talk about it. Well, you can’t talk about it, because for one thing it is your norm. You have nothing else to compare it to. Also, you are already unsafe, and if you talk about it, you risk taking what is almost unbearable now, and making it fully unbearable and then you can’t live your day to day life.

Abuse, by its definition overrides what you think and feel. So, if that is constantly being overridden, then you don’t have the tools to stand up and say, “this hurts, this isn’t right, and I think this is affecting me really poorly”. It is not that won’t be well received, its that that won’t even be an option. That is something that isn’t even in your universe. Your universe is all about how do I dodge, how do I survive, how do I try to keep my sanity. How do I get that together and get out of here. That is all you can think about.

JEN-

Especially as a child. You need to find ways to survive. And I wonder if God in His kindness and His grace doesn’t allow some of this stuff to come out in our 30’s. When we are more equipped to go reality... right?

TONYA-

Absolutely, it is a bit of a mercy that those things are kind of layered in, and you start peeling them back. It is gracious, because God gives you what you are able to process. I couldn’t process what was really going on, so God gave it to me in doses. Now, there is alot of pain with that though. There is alot of confusion. I spent so many years with, when a situation said “jump”, I tried to jump higher, and soon I realized that I will never be able to jump high enough. That was exhausting and confusing. Then, there was a grief left when I finally realized at about 19 years old. It was the last time that I was literally punched in my home. I was home on spring break from college. I had decided to call a friend that I had been told that I could not contact because she had left our church when our church split. But, I was homeschooled and was really excited about college and I got this rare surge of courage while home on spring break. I thought to myself, “I am 19 years old, and I am going to call my friend”... so I did. While I was still on the phone with her, I was being punched and told to get off the phone.

Something in me, at that point peeled back another layer and I realized that I could not “jump” anymore to help this not happen. That is when I began the ability to name it. I snuck out of the house, contacted a family member who was a christian counselor, and for the first time told someone what was happening and that I couldn’t make it work in my home, and I didn’t know why. I didn’t know if it was me or them, but that was the first truthful conversation that I had. Everything was so buried and so confused, and I thought for sure that it was me, and that I was wrong, and if I talk then I will blow it apart. Everyone will hate me, and I couldn’t possibly take that risk.

JEN-

So, it was too risky, too much might blow up if you shared. Besides, with all the confusion and pain, articulating your situation, or putting things into words, seemed like a hurdle that you couldn’t manage to do. So, you had years of a sort of “stuckness”.

TONYA-

So at 19 when I snuck out of the house to talk to this family member who was a christian counselor… when I did that, it was such a good start, but I sure did have alot to uncover. It took another decade or two to really unpack what was happening and the dynamics I was dealing with.

I finally realized that I needed to put a little distance because they never answered the phone when I called. They didn’t put an effort towards the relationship, yet still continuing to throw mud, to distort, to be abusive in other ways. I finally realized that I was never going to heal if I didn’t get a little safety for my soul. After much prayer and scripture reading, I felt like God was giving me the green light to put some distance there so that I could heal.

I was 28 years old when I put some distance between myself and that unsafe person. It was probably the best thing that I could have done. It enabled me to heal as best I could. I devoured every parenting book that I could, I devoured every marriage book that I could.. But it never made up for the relational loss of never experiencing a positive attachment, nor a positive relational experience my entire life.

My one parent who was totally unsafe to me my whole life, and I knew that they were. You could almost say that if this one person was a tornado and if I was running from them in a field, then my other parent would have been the rain. I didn’t fully unpack until my 40’s that the other parent had been nicely standing by letting things happen. They had been just as destructive, just as disorientating and I didn’t fully realize it. They were the rain, and when you are running from a tornado you don’t even think about the rain until you get inside and you’re safe, but you’re soaking wet. Then you look outside and see that there is lightning too. So my safe-ish parent who really wasn’t ever safe, who didn’t take care of me, didn’t provide for me… I felt like an orphan by the time I got out of college.

This all made sense to me last year when my safe-ish parent ended up going to jail. I finally realized that I was stuck in a scenario where I was never going to be seen and heard accurately, never going to be loved for who I really was. I was never going to have the truth told to me or about me. This all had such a profound impact on me, because what that does to you is create such a break of attachment. You have trouble attaching to your husband. When you have been lied to your whole life, and then now have a fight with your husband where at one point he says one thing and then later in the fight he says another and it doesn’t add up to me, then I am thrown into a tailspin. Also, when my children were small and they would lie to me, I would have all this backlog in my head of what they could be, and I would want to deal fairly with them, but I almost didn’t know how. I almost didn’t know what typical childlike behavior looks like. I was treated with such suspicion and fault finding, and really projection and distortion that I almost didn’t know how to read average childlike behavior.

If life is a dance then I was way to weighed down to tippy toe through it. I needed to be able to. You gotta be deft as a parent and in relationships. You gotta discern when someone is just venting or when they are actually mad at you. You have to be able to know when your child is strong willed and stuck, and they just need a nap, or they are getting sick, or if they need some discipline because there is an issue there that they need help with. That is hard!

I realized that I did not have that relational equity in my soul to draw from to be able to navigate the very nuanced, everyday situations that were foreign to me.

I unpacked a whole other layer of “lemon-hood”, where your limping looks like a wound that you have refused to tend to and you are gangrenous. There is something outside of you that keeps digging and won’t allow it to heal, and yet you look responsible. That was a whole other side to it, which I feel like I am through that now. God in His faithfulness has pulled back those layers and showed me what part is me, because I am not perfect either. I still have junk that I’ve got to take care of. I have a sin nature and I am certainly at fault sometimes. But, at the same time, He has shown me that this is part of the complicated journey that I came from. I need a little grace from others, and I can give a little grace to others for not understanding.

JEN-

And, we can give grace to others when we acknowledge that we don’t know their story. We don’t know why they have this “tick” or this struggle…

TONYA-

Part of my healing journey was the Lord showing me how both my parents got to be where they are. Now I don’t see them as one dimensional perpetrators if you will. I see them as hurting people who were hurting me. I also see that they had alot of hard things that they also didn’t know how to dance through. Now, where their personal responsibility comes and where they just did the best that they could and it was what it was. Whether they couldn’t be helped or wouldn’t be helped, I have no idea where that line is. But, I have grace for how they got there. The struggle was really pretty darn hard for them too. They are people too. Even my dad in jail right now, is not as simple as the man who did what he did to get convicted. He is not that simple and easy to define. There was a big part of him that was a good dad. There was a big part of my mom that really wanted to be a good mom. That is all true, as well as the tangled mess that I got caught up in.

JEN-

A book in the Bible called Ecclesiastes, in chapter 7 verse 18 of the Message paraphrase, it says “It's best to stay in touch with both sides of an issue”. Or in NASB; “It is good that you grasp one thing and also not let go of the other”. To some degree, you didn’t have the ability to do that as a child, but some of the maturity that you have now as an almost 45 year old woman, to be able to look at both sides of the matter. To be able to look at the “ouch, this side is painful and wrong”, and “hey they are a real person with real hurts”. You are able to do that because you are looking at the whole truth. You aren’t stuffing, nagating, and ignoring the hard, nasty and ugly stuff, and you are not throwing them under the bus either. To be able to do that, helps you. It is a gift for you for some of those moments when functioning seems a little bit harder than other days.

TONYA -

I honestly can’t even take credit for it. In the same way that Jesus told stories in order to help people see the truth because maybe if He just said it out right to people then maybe they couldn’t really see it. In the same way, I think those stories protected the people that maybe couldn’t hear the truth, or understand, or possibly weren’t ready for it. In the same way, I felt like He gradually let me see this, and in that way, I could handle it. In that way I could hold both.

I am ready and willing to let God work. If He says, “I know that it doesn’t seem like it Tonya, but today, in the light of not seeing anything really hopeful, I want you to call on me.”. I am ready for all of that, because I feel like that is how God writes stories.

JEN-

“But today”. You said, “but today”. “Today, God”. I think there is so much power in “but today”. If I close my eyes and see all the heaviness, but today. This is how we can function, with the “but today”. Tomorrow has enough worries of its own.

In Psalms 119 it says, “Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path”. And from my experience, that little lamp is lit by pressing into God, getting to know Him, having a relationship with Him. And His lamp typically only lights one step at a time. I really think that is how you become a survivor not a victim. It is by God lighting your one step at a time, because we don’t know how to do alot of these hard things. We don’t know how to do life with dysfunction inside of us, or how to deal with the gangrenous thing… BUT… I do know the baby step that God is lighting in front of me. I can say, “God, give me today. Tell me how to do, today”.

Tonya, since you have done alot of hard heart and soul work, I am guessing that God has given you some pretty precious nuggets. What are some nuggets that maybe you can share today.

TONYA-

Absolutely, that is the beautiful part. I will say that we all want that we all want that pipeline, we want that IV, just download into my veins! … but, it wasn’t like that. It is a journey, a meandering one sometimes. I remember in Bible college someone shared with me “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him” from Job 13:15. I knew that is what I had to do. I could see that bad things happen to good people. I might not have deserved this, but I was going to try to trust God. There were times in my life that it was more of a white knuckling. It is kind of like those labor pains that we are trying not to fight, but we are. But I am muddling and I am making it through. There were alot of years like that too, but we are trying. Just like labor.. We almost can’t hardly not fight labor pains…. The cringing of our toes! Remember that, did you have that?!! Hahaha!!

JEN-

I don’t know!! Was I even aware of my toes at that point?!! Hahaha

TONYA-

You just do, when you're in pain!

Anyway, God gave me good counselors, though I probably went too late. I didn’t go until I was headlong into PTSD type emotional symptoms. I was told that that was normal, that in your 30’s childhood trauma tends to really come out because your kind of at that point of psychological development that you can actually handle what has happened. You can handle the weight of it. That certainly happened to me. I had about a whole decade where I just cried all the time. I think the friends that I made in that era probably thought I was an emotional wreck… but that hadn’t been me the first 30 years. The Lord gave me precious nuggets all along the way, but it came in the form of a long lingering journey that probably looked like long hard labor. On many days I had to learn to just hold it. I had to trust that God was doing something good that I just could not see.

JEN-

By “hold it”, do you sort of mean, “let it”?

TONYA-

Yes, I let it, now. It took a long time. I had to parse apart what was my sin problem and what wasn’t, and I had some things to face. I was not a perfect person, nor wife, and I had to ask, “what is my part?”. I had to brutally look at that, and also brutally look at what wasn’t mine to own.

If I don’t name it, then I can’t grieve it, and it is kind of invalidating.

JEN-

Right, and also, if you can’t name it, then you can’t forgive it. You had to name it.

TONYA-

Yes, I had to name it. This also gave me grace for others. If I don’t name the hard stuff in me, then I can’t give you grace either.

JEN-

Wouldn’t you say that taking lack of forgiveness out of the equation makes the weight a little lighter?

So, you had to face your junk and the junk that had been dumped on you.

TONYA-

Yes, had to face it, had to name it. I had to become comfortable with that “lemon status”, or whatever that was, whatever I was calling it.... I had to accept that I was going to be misunderstood. I still have a responsibility to guard my heart to what God is trying to do. I needed to become comfortable with accepting that I might be in a “lemon” situation. I became comfortable with more labor pains, of being mis-understood. …

Thankfully God has had me on this journey long enough, and I am able to embrace my “lemon” status. I don’t hate it because I see that I am still a good “car”. I still have a purpose here, I don’t like it, but I still have one. I get to trust God and follow Him. I can trust that He is doing something bigger right now that I can’t see, and that is ok.

That happened all the time in the Bible. All those Old Testament prophets, that were doing something much bigger than them. It is part of the journey. We can’t expect to always have an answer and a neat and tidy ending. It is just not reality and it is ok. It is not a reflection on us or what God is doing. So that was another nugget…

One nugget was learning to be comfortable with the labor. Another nugget was letting God give me those truths little by little. And then the nugget of getting comfortable with the “lemon” status that had been placed on me that I didn’t want, but I didn’t need to fight. I don’t need to hate and become bitter toward it.

JEN-

Is that surrender?

TONYA-

Very much! Also, just really clinging to the goodness of God. I love the new praise song, “The goodness of God that chases me”. It is so so good!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvSuGyJQ6oM

So, I can do the next right thing. I can still make good choices.

I just got done reading the story of Elisha and Elijah with my daughter. Those of us who follow Christ might remember that he was a prophet, he was providing bad news to bad people who didn’t want to hear it. So, he was fine for awhile, but after some time he got really tired of it. This one time he delivered bad news to a very evil king and queen and the queen threatened his life. So the prophet Elijah ran away… wait, was it Elijah or Elisha??? … I always get those two mixed up!! (hahaha) Anyway, whichever one it was, he gave up and wanted to die. Then God sent food and rest. Although He didn’t change that he was still God’s prophet. Basically, God was saying, “I know that this isn’t fun, and I know you hate it, but you are still the one that I want to deliver this message… to do this thing.”

So, anyways!! We just need to cling to the goodness of God when He is asking us to face scary people that might kill us if we follow Him and do what He asks. But, He is asking us nonetheless.

JEN-

Whoever it was, Elijah or Elisha…God was so gentle with him when he was saying, “I am at my capacity! I can’t do this! I’m done! When we reach our moment where we are talking to God, or ourselves or the dog, or whatever… and we are saying, “I can’t do this!” Isn’t it so nice that His character would do what He did. He gives nourishment while we are sulking or whatever. He is not saying, “oh, just stop sulking!”. Rather, He is saying, “do you need some nourishment while you are down here?” Now, Elijah had to choose to receive that food.

TONYA-

I think He was really gracious. God was pretty gracious to Job too. By the end of the book of Job, God kind of put him in his spot and basically said, “now remember, Job, I am still God”. I think God does both. I think He does what He did with Elijah (or Elisha?!!), and says, “here is some food and you need a nap”. Maybe the next day God had the conversation with him and said, “but I’m still God and I’m going to ask you to do this”.

So, there is this book called, “When God Weeps” by Joni Eareckson Tada( https://www.amazon.com/When-Weeps-Joni-Eareckson-Tada/dp/0310238358 ). I thought, who better to tell me hard things, then Joni Eareckson Tada, I can take it from her. She has been an almost lifetime quadriplegic. And, tidbit, this was also written by a local pastor here named, Steve Estes. This book became my textbook for suffering. I do highly recommend the book, but if you are not in the place where you can handle then that is OK, don’t read it. But, if you feel like a “lemon” then maybe this book is for you. I want to read a verse that was in this book. Psalm 103:8-10 “The Lord is compassionate and gracious. Slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will He harbor His anger forever. He does not treat us as our sins deserve, or repay us according to our iniquities.”. So, I just feel like we need to hold onto both. He is compassionate and gracious. He does not give us everything we deserve, but He sometimes does hold our feet to the fire, but that is ok, because He is God. But in the middle of “lemonhood”, if we can cling to the fact that He is good.

I think in our christian culture, we sometimes give this impression that everything will have a happy ending. I don’t believe it always does. Now, in eternity..yes, absolutely, everything will be redeemed, and… there are parts of my story here that are redeemed and continue to be redeemed. But, I don’t believe that all of it will be ok. There are parts of me that are broken that will not be fully restored until heaven. It is possible that they are redeemed as much as possible while here. And, they are more beautiful than they would be if God had not touched me. God might not fix it all at the moment. He might not pull back all the layers, but He will give me what I need for that day. I only have today, and I am doing what God has put into my lap today. I am hopefully living as redemptive as I can with that, while also knowing that I am still only human. I am still going to run off to the wilderness and need a meal and a nap once in awhile, and God has got that!

JEN-

Something you keep saying is, “and that’s ok”. I wonder why we are “ok”, because of something that I read in 2 Timothy 4:17. It talks about how everyone was against someone (Paul or Timothy) “but the Lord stood with him and strengthened him”. That is why he is ok.

We don’t always feel that, see that, or intellectually know that, but Tonya, you are able to look back right now in a hindsight place. You see the “both/and”. You see both sides of a matter, and you see that you can be “ok”.

My guess is that many of the people that chose to listen today because they resonate with some of this brokenness. Maybe someone feels despair in certain areas. Or maybe they feel like they look at others and think that others have an edge that they don’t have. They are sick of feeling like there is some kind of “lemon” thing about them. They are sick of that thing beating them down and discouraging them. They feel defeated.

Maybe someone is listening and they need hope. This podcast is called “hope layer” because as we have had to let God un-peel layers you have discovered hope. You have even been able to sit here and say, “It can be ok”. But it came out of un-peeling those layers and going deeper and harder and harder until you actually saw the deep and beautiful layer of hope underneath.

BUT...through my own wrestling, and through your wrestling, we've found it helpful to get to know God… the “God of hope” (Romans 15:13), the “God who restores” (Psalm 23:3) , “The God who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion” (Psalm 103:4), The God “who gives and takes away”(Job 1:21)... He is the God who we KNOW could EASILY fix that thing… but maybe He hasn’t…

So, we are left to give up, be angry or maybe be curious…

In our curiosity we can ask if that hard spot is there for a reason? Is that wound, that set back, that “handi-cap”, that hurdle, that thorn there for a purpose?

While that “defect” leaves you feeling like you have less purpose, and less ability to function...could it be that your “defect” is actually there to give you a greater purpose?

I hear ya, or maybe some of you… you might be thinking, “well that's ANNOYING! Maybe I don’t want that greater purpose, I just want this hard thing to go away!!”... and then rises up your other “defect”...right?!! Ugh!

This way of thinking isn’t easy and this hard thing in your life is so defeating, AND.. I know that it is true that God sees us. He saw you Tonya, as that little girl. He saw you as the 19 year old, the 28 year old and the almost 45 year old. And, He sees the person who is listening. He cares, and He wants to be the strength in your weak thing. He wants to make you run like you’ve never run before.

That weak “defect” of yours doesn’t freak God out. It doesn’t overwhelm Him or discourage Him. He is NOT the insurance company or the car owner that says…”not worth it” and deems us a “lemon”.

Rather...He wants us to thrive. And MAYBE HE will have us thrive by healing that broken spot, or there is a chance that He wants you to feel how He can cause us to operate with such a special functionality even WITH our limp.

You’re not too far gone.

You’re defect doesn’t hinder God or discourage Him.

The God of hope has life and purpose for you even WITH your broken parts.

Hang in there...tell Him what it is that is STILL defeating you. Tell him how you are sick of it knocking you down.

Going back to the junkyard, I wonder what the mechanic would do. Maybe He walked around and saw the things that were too far gone. Possibly, like me, he saw the things that may have been there because they were a “lemon”.

For the analogy purpose..I assume that He would be happy to see that Lemon...He would want to buy it with His own money. He would want to take it to His home. He WOULD see hope. His feet would be digging into the mud, and his hands would be on the hood of that lemon. I imagine the mechanic would be smiling and saying, “you are so beautiful! You are such a good car. Yes, I see those hard things that have you struggling, and believing that there is less hope for you. But, you are such a good car, and you are going to be ok, WITH my help.

So, there was this woman who, like Tonya, had her own reasons to have a struggle. With this woman, we don’t know what all her reasons were. But, she couldn’t figure out how to thrive. She had 5 husbands, and was somewhat rejected by parts of her society. My guess is that she had some sort of powerlessness in her journey, she was defeated, she probably didn’t have a high value for herself..

And likely she was just doing her best to get by, until one day while doing a typical task of fetching water from the town’s well, she met another man.

This man, was Jesus.

It appears that a short conversation started between Jesus and this woman while they were by the town’s well. Jesus took the opportunity to kindly let her know that HE could give her SO MUCH more than just water from this well.. If SHE KNEW WHO HE WAS...THEN she would be asking HIM for “LIVING WATER”. The kind of “water” that would give her an overflowing life inside of her soul. Something that she likely didn’t even know that she was longing for.

Jesus said to her, in John 4:10.. ““If you knew the generosity of God and who I am, you would be asking me for a drink, and I would give you fresh, living water.”

She was the broken woman..the “lemon”...the “outcast”...the “struggling to get by”... she was misunderstood and in a cycle of unhealthy lifestyle stuff. And HE was the generous One. He was the ONE who could give her a new life from her brokenness… and in that moment, that day, HE did! He changed her trajectory.

The woman left Jesus and the well with such an eagerness to tell her village about her discovery, that she actually forgot her jar!

I guess well water wasn’t so important at that moment. She discovered that her greater need was the living water that Jesus gave her.

It's kind of a beautiful story, right? AND MAYBE that is going to be your story too! It IS POSSIBLE! Talk to this abundant and generous God, tell Him your struggles. Let Him know your desires, and GET TO KNOW HIM. He said that if she knew Him, then she would know what to ask for.

But...maybe this WON’T be your beautiful story… maybe instead you're gonna be like a guy who talked about his “thorn in the flesh”. His “thorn” was some sort of struggle or tormentor that constantly picked at him. He had something in his life that probably made him think things like, “if I didn’t have this, then my life would be easier”. He asked God more than once to take it away.

God’s answer wasn’t what Paul was asking for though. God said to him, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Well, if you're anything like me, that is not the answer you are hoping for. But, Paul was eventually able to accept this. Kind of like what I am hearing from Tonya today, there is some acceptance. She is able to have a posture of surrender to this hard thing. Paul was able to eventually say, “Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” He surrendered it, he knew the God that he was giving His request to, and he trusted HIM.

I’ve gotta read this to you from John 4:7-10 from a paraphrase called “The Message”. Paul says,

“Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it’s all you need.

My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.”

Wow….

Listen, regardless, Paul’s response from God, or the woman at the well’s response from God. God was and is abundant. He was and is generous. He heard their hard stuff, He knew it, and I believe that He validated it. The validation happened because of how His strength had to become so supernatural. He gave this woman MORE than she asked for AND...HE sustained Paul DAILY… EVERY SINGLE DAY. He abundantly gave to Paul so HE could live a life full of purpose and thrive EVEN with HIS thorn.

And, friends, as I sit here with a friend I want to communicate that we cannot do this stuff alone. We need friends. We need community. Sometimes we need professional help. Also, this book “When God Weeps” sounds like a helpful resource. Tonya brought along another book here.

TONYA-

Yes, this book is called, “The Body Keeps The Score. The brain, mind and body, in the healing of trauma.” By Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

If “When God Weeps” is about the spiritual part of suffering, then “The Body Keeps the Score” is about the physical part. That is a very valid part of it. I had a stroke at the age of 41. There was no good reason. I had every possible test done and they could not figure out why my body had just suddenly stroked. This happened before I read “The Body Keeps the Score”, but ironically a perfect stranger gave this book to my husband, so we decided that it was time to read it. My husband read it before I did and he was so moved by it that he went to Bessel van der Kolk’s conference in Boston. Adam went to a whole entire conference on just trauma because he has seen first hand its deep effect on me. You can’t fake it with the people that you live with. When there was no physical reason for me to have a stroke, we read this book and realized that there was a very strong correlation to what I was saying my whole life. Alot of people, early on wanted to say that I was lying or exaggerating, but then my body told the truth. I just think that that is another good reason to always pull back the layers and let God give us His truth. He will give us truth in our body and our spirit, because He made both. So, yes, I highly recommend this book, because if nothing else “lemonhood” will disorient you into thinking that you are abnormal. That there is something wrong with you, when there is actually nothing wrong with you.

JEN-

Very cool. I did not read that book, and I didn’t ask Tonya to bring it, but I think I want to get it and read it. What you just described speaks to something that I am personally passionate about and that is taking care of our bodies the best we can, and the best we know how. I believe it is important to understand that when you are undergoing stress, or peeling back layers of difficult stuff that it is so valuable to take care of your body during that time.

This is also an area that I find helpful to have someone walk alongside me. I can’t navigate this on my own. I don’t know how to, nor am I educated to. I see a professional holistic practitioner and she is supporting the Hope Layer podcast because she is passionate about what I am doing. She also believes that it is heart, body, mind and soul to get well and to understand why we are not well. So, if you are needing help trying to figure some of this stuff out, then go to www.beautifulhealingjourney.com/hopelayer . Use that link and Dr. Rhonda will give you $25 off your first visit with her. I can’t highly recommend her enough, I see her myself.

We also talked about community earlier, and I have the privilege of saying this as I sit here with my friend. If you are feeling like that “thorn in the flesh” person, or like that woman at the well who was just seeking to figure out the right question to even ask. Then, walk in community, don’t do this life alone. I recommend my friend Meagan who I have so much respect for and have learned so much from. Meagan is a professional therapist who is supporting Hope Layer. So, if you are seeking professional counseling and need someone safe to talk to, then email Meagan@takeheartcounseling.com and just mention the “Hope Layer” podcast in your email. When you schedule your first appointment she will give you a $25 discount. This is great because you want to find out she is a right fit for you.

It is not a surprise that my friend Tonya and I kept on talking and talking, because our little coffee dates go long too… and I really love it! It is so good to have you Tonya as my friend. Thank you so much for believing in what God has placed inside of me. And thank you for doing your personal hard work to be where you are today. You inspire me and I know that you inspire others as well.

Thank you so much for all of you who joined Tonya and I here… we sure do hope that you discover the deep and beautiful layer of hope in your own story!

What about him? What about her? Is EVERYONE actually restorable?

Wed, 22 Jan 2020 02:48:05 GMT

We’ve been talking alot about our brokenness here in the thick of my restorable project…

Alot about acknowledging the places inside of us that we don’t feel much hope for.. But what about someone else’s brokenness?

What about that person, or that people group, or maybe the personality type .. or just men or women in general… what about the one that you roll your eyes at and think things like, “well, they are just too far gone”.. Or you say, “they will just never change”.

I wrestle with those thoughts too.

Like a car that we relied on, that began to let us down. It began to disappoint you… it left you on the side of the road one too many times. You lost hope in it ever being reliable... and, so...it came time to let it go, and send it to the junkyard.

Sure, we don’t physically drag anyone to a junkyard, but mentally and emotionally, we kind of do. We take them there in our mind.

At some point we decided that we were tired of that person, we couldn’t bear to feel disappointed by them anymore. We begin to believe that he/she will never change, and we lose hope for that person. And like a car that we can’t rely on anymore, we kind of declared it “a total loss”... or maybe “a lemon”.

And now, in our minds, that person or people group can just sit in the proverbial junkyard. Hopeless... lifeless… broken… irreparable

Who is it?! Who have you lost hope in? Who do you put up walls towards? Who do you roll your eyes at?

Maybe, you don’t even know why, but some types of people just grate against you. You subconsciously write them off before you even give them a chance to get close to you… a pastors, a policemen, someone who dresses differently than you, hairdressers, the seemingly successful,the uneducated, counselors, teenagers, athletes, professors, the homeless, the wealthy, the “pharisees”, the drug addicts, quitters, workaholics, type A personalities, men, women….

Maybe it is someone who has hurt you one too many times.

Maybe someone has let you down and now you are afraid that anyone like them will do the same.

Possibly, your story is similar to Marie’s story https://www.jenminingerphotography.com/mariemonville

Like Marie has experienced, someone that you have trusted has cut you so deeply and personally, and left you with wounds that don’t seem possible for healing. It wasn’t your fault that you ended up with such deep wounds… it was someone else’s choices… and possibly, you are left feeling like you can’t trust anyone EVER AGAIN.
It is too risky to trust.

Who is it?

Will you imagine a junk yard with me? Will you picture an old rusted out, broken down car sitting in this junkyard?

Can that visual...that seemingly hopeless piece of junk that you're imagining… can it represent the one who has broken down on you?

Will you picture with me weeds and ivy growing up and around it and sort of trapping it there. It sits in the line up of other broken things… other hopeless ones. After all, it belongs there, right? You can’t trust it to be reliable and do its job well.

Now, will you picture with me a mechanic who took a visit to this junk yard?

The mechanic walks around and gets himself entrenched in this sea of brokenness. He looks out and sees all the wrecks, the no-goods, the disappointments….

He turns a corner and then he sees the one that you are picturing… the one that you can’t seem to have hope for.

He stops. He smiles at it, like some “crazy” love struck one.

He begins to talk to it.

He says, “YOU! You are the one I want! Oh! Just look at you! You are so beautiful… and boy, do I know it, because I made you!

As He walks around that car that I lost hope in, he notices its dents and dings and says, “ it looks like you’ve had some rough patches. I’m guessing someone must’ve been pretty frustrated with you…”

The mechanic noticed some heavy issues with the motor and says, “I can tell that you’ve probably let others down a time or two. It was probably quite a challenge for you to be relied on with such deep issues. It probably felt like a heavy weight to carry.”

The mechanic places his hands on the front of the car and leans in to whisper…”It’s ok…it's going to be ok. You really are a great car. But you're gonna need my help, aren’t you? I want to welcome you into my garage…my home! I’m gonna get you outta here and park you right next to my shiny, cleaned up, purpose filled, reliable car… because THAT is where you belong too. You are such a good car.”

You just wait and see… as YOU REST in my garage, I’m going to gently begin the process of restoring you. I am going to bring you back to life …a new life… a better life! You are not just going to survive… you are going to thrive!”

The mechanic began the process of pulling this old car out to be restored. But somehow…the car becomes reluctant about being fixed. The car trusted the mechanic as he spent time with HIM. But negative thoughts would come to the broken car… thoughts like, “but no one else will ever trust me. No one will look at me like this mechanic does. No one will believe me when I am restored. Will the mechanic be enough for me?”

The mechanic turns back again and asks the broken one… “are you thinking about the other cars? That is understandable, but guess what… those other cars live with me too. They too were pulled from the junkyard, just like you. They are also learning to trust me… just like you are! And as you BOTH learn of MY love…you will not let each other down quite as much…or quite as hard.”

The broken one relaxes again and looks at the mechanic….then hears him say, “so, don’t resist my help…. I know it won’t be easy, but I love you and you can trust me, just follow my lead. I will help you each step of the way”

In my imagination… in my little analogy here… the mechanic would take the time to encourage the broken one. He would love the broken one who has disappointed another. He would say, “with me, you're gonna run better than ever… you're gonna be able to manage the detours, the bumpy roads, and flat tires that come down your path. With me, you will be able to give your passenger rides filled with confidence and hope…but it HAS to be WITH ME. And your passenger HAS to remember that the mechanic is the ONE he actually needs to rely on. He also needs to look to the mechanic to know that HE will keep both of you running.

Remember...what I am talking about today, applies to how you and I can sometimes view humanity.

That broken down car, represents the person or the people group that you struggle to believe that there is hope for.

And the mechanic represents, God… the Creator of all, the ONE and only ONE who love unconditionally. The One who sees our beauty beyond our brokenness. The ONE who can and does restore.

What I am talking about is how God views humanity..

We’ll stick with the car analogy…

Did you notice something that the mechanic first did? He noticed the dents and dings in the junked car. To restore a broken down car, a mechanic would first have to acknowledge what needs repair.

God, our restorer sure does not ignore our broken parts. He is a restorer, a redeemer, and instead of pretending like our brokenness isn’t there, He acknowledges our brokenness and our shortcomings. And you know what, you don’t have to ignore what has hurt you and let you down. If you are walking through some deep wounds because you have been betrayed, abandoned, abused, let down or disappointed, then please know that you too can acknowledge those hard things. You don’t have to ignore them or minimize them. Actually, it is helpful to acknowledge them, it is part of your restoration and part of the others’ restoration. And remember, being restored is not an easy process. So, acknowledging what is hurting you, might not feel too good. Hang in there… tell God (and some safe people) what has left you with your heavy weight. God cares for your deep wounds... and He cares for the one who has wounded you.

He wants to restore you! We don’t know what the other side... the restored side of this might look like, but I promise you that the Restorer can be trusted.

AND... He can be trusted to help the one who you’ve lost hope in.

This post was about someone else’s brokenness, and I think that loving and trusting such a broken one could come, but only because of the “Mechanic’s” example, of first loving it, Himself.

You know, even when that broken one spends time being restored by the mechanic, we might still look at this fixed up car and just see the old version…the one that was unreliable and really couldn’t be trusted. We can begin to live with the heavy weight of skepticism and doubt. We think that our walls will protect us. But my fears can’t protect me! And that heavy weight is robbing me of living in my own freedom.

I don’t want to live that way… I need to focus on the ONE WHO RESTORED the broken…HE is where my hope has to come from. I need HIS help to show me where to put my true trust and my true hope. I need HIM to show me how to forgive and love again. I need the freedom that forgiveness offers.

Maybe you also struggle to have hope for someone else’s brokenness and you aren’t feeling bad about it either. In some ways, maybe you even feel a bit entitled to your critical thoughts and protective barriers. But you can probably admit that you aren’t agreeing with God, their Creator.

So, what do you do now? You don’t want this inside of you.

You know the unhealth can grow and ultimately it mostly hurts yourself. This bitterness, this hardness, this hopelessness doesn’t feel good, and it begins to affect more than just this one broken thing. It affects your joy and your freedom! Oh, would you look at that...I have come full circle… Once again, I am the one who needs restoration.

You following me?

.... we realize that it is ALSO about my brokenness.

So, what do we do with that?!!

I think that we first admit where we are at. We are honest with God about our heart’s condition. We can even say, “I don’t feel like it, and I don’t know how to get well, but God, will YOU help me get there.” We can say that we recognize that the way we are viewing this person or this people group is NOT how God views them, and we can ask God to move us towards agreeing with HIM, their creator, their restorer.

I’ve prayed prayers like this… actually, I’ve prayed prayers like this LOTS of times. It is not easy to enter into this kind of prayer...BUT, I can tell you that refreshment can follow. Like one who is parched in a desert and longing for some refreshment…. So refreshment comes from being honest about our heart with God. Acts 3:19, it says to “ repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord;”.

There is hope for them… and there is hope for you… because there is a “Mechanic”... God is real, and He is all about Restoring our souls!

Psalm 23:3 “He restores my soul”... so if He is restoring me… than I can at least have compassion for someone else who needs His restoration.

Now, I’m gonna pause a second here… I just feel a need to clarify something. I am NOT here to say that there are not going to be times when you need to distance yourself from a toxic relationship. Maybe God is calling you to consider healthy boundaries. Boundaries can sometimes even help the one who is continuing to let you down. So, there is most definitely a place to consider boundaries and distancing yourself from certain relationships. You are not wrong for considering who you can trust for your safety and wellness… and this is a very real, deep and painful topic. It really is way more than I can dive into here. But, if you resonate with what I just said, then don’t make this decision to have boundaries alone. Seriously...don’t walk that path alone. Seek help… I suggest a professional counselor. My friend Meagan of www.takeheartcounseling.com , is an excellent source for this kind of help. So, if you need to talk to someone about relational boundaries and hope for healing your brokenness.. Then email Meagan@takeheartcounseling.com and mention “Hope Layer Podcast” in your email, so that you can receive a $25 discount off of your first session.

And, may I encourage you to get to know this “Mechanic”…. This “Restorer”… this ONE who wants to lavishly care for you and the one who you see as too far gone. This ONE who can be deeply and truly trusted… Pour your heart out to Him. Tell Him all of those hard and hurting parts of your heart… and tell Him that you want Him to make Himself more real to you. And as you do … I believe that I can confidently say… that your hope WILL grow!

Friend...if all this restorable talk has been something that seems to be what your heart is needing, then maybe you want to get away for a weekend with me. I will be hosting a Restorable Retreat from February 28th through March 1st, 2020. It will be an intimate weekend with a small group of women at a beautiful bed and breakfast in Lancaster County, PA. Joining me will be my friend Meagan Good who is a professional therapist, and also my friend Terry Boch who is a singer/songwriter. Terry has written some truly heartfelt music from her own brokenness...and her stories of restoration. If you are interested in joining us, then please sign up soon, as I have already begun to send out special emails to nurture and prepare the hearts of each woman attending.

This retreat is intended to be a valuable investment into your hopeful story… My desire is for each of you to leave the retreat with your hearts and hands full of rich treasures to springboard you back into your full life . And, I am so excited to receive and grow towards hope and freedom right along with you. Head to https://www.jenminingerphotography.com/retreats for more info and to purchase your ticket!

And friend.. I hope that you take care of yourself today. If your heart is heavy from your own brokenness, or from the weight of someone else’s choices, then allow yourself to receive grace for this hard season. You don’t have to walk through this hard thing perfectly. But, you can care for yourself in ways that will help you through it.

Take a walk, take a nap, take a bath, do some deep breathing… eat something that is actually nourishing, and helpful for your mind and body. Find something creative to do for an outlet.

The restoring process is hard and can be long, but you are not alone. If you need someone to encourage you and guide you towards ways of taking care of yourself better.... then head to www.beautifulhealingjourney.com/hopelayer where you can reach out to my dear friend and naturopathic practitioner, Dr. Rhonda. She is such a gift to me. She has is guiding me towards better health and wholeness, and I just know that she can be a gentle and gracious gift to you as well. Plus, if you use the link then you will get $25 off your first session with her.

Taking care of your body, mind and spirit is all so valuable, especially if you are in a season of stress and feeling your brokenness.

Remember the visual of the Mechanic placing his loving hands on the broken one’s hood? He was like one who was crazy love struck. His eyes were filled with sincere compassion as He saw beauty in the broken one and at the same time, He saw their brokenness. I hope that picture sinks into your mind as you feel despair for yourself or maybe for those times when you feel disgust or angst when looking to another broken one.

God, looks to us with such a deep love that we can’t even fathom… and at the same time He sees our brokenness, our poor choices and our struggles...and His love remains just as fierce. Do you know that love?

And if this talk has comforted you in anyway, then I would love it if you could help me extend this hope and comfort to others. Do you know that when you subscribe to a podcast on itunes, and then give it a star rating and a review...that you are helping it get into more hearts and hands? I don’t know how all that works...but I’ve been told that it does. So, I would love it if you did that for those searching for true hope.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id1488376525

You can also share it on facebook and instagram and tag me at Jen Mininger Photography so that together we can get this visual of hope to someone who might need it today.

New Paragraph

A "total loss" .. an interview with Marie Monville for Restorable

Thu, 09 Jan 2020 01:31:16 GMT

You know when a car insurance company sends out an adjuster to look at the car that just experienced wreckage… he evaluates it, makes up his calculations ...and then determines that the cost to fix it is more than what the car is actually worth.. Then he declares IT “totaled”.. Or a “total loss”

Well, today, we are looking at the kind of car where the adjuster would show up and not even need to make calculations… because this wreck was so horrific and it's just a no-brainer… this car is no doubt “totaled”. The tow truck is called and the car is sent to rot in the junkyard..

If you will.. Just imagine with me, a car casually driving down the road. It is minding its own business, doing life as usual. It drives safe, staying in its own lane, obeying all the laws. This car gets regular oil changes and tune-ups. It’s running well as it cruises down the road ... until... one day… out of nowhere… a tractor trailer crosses the line and BAM. The car is hit head on. You know what I’m gonna say, right? This car is suddenly, now, determined to be a “total loss”.

This car did not even slightly contribute to this crash and burn...rather… it clearly happened to it. It happened at no fault of its own… and now the tow truck comes, and off to the junk yard it goes.

Friend… did something happen to you?

Sometimes our brokenness is in the junkyards of life because of our own choices or our own weaknesses.

SOMETIMES… we are there because of choices that someone else made. You are hurt… your are struggling… maybe you feel alone, confused, or like your going out of your mind with some of your thoughts…

Today, I want to welcome you into my home with someone who likely can relate to many of your thoughts and feelings.

As we sit together here at my table, the wood stove is blazing in the living room to keep us warm, and the sun is out today after a few days of rain, snow and clouds…

Its gonna be a good talk... and I hope you’ll be encouraged by it.

THE FOLLOWING IS A TRANSCRIPT FROM AN INTERVIEW WITH MARIE MONVILLE...IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO LISTEN TO IT THEN HEAD TO THE "HOPE LAYER" PODCAST EPISODE #6...but FIRST, I SUGGEST THAT YOU SCROLL DOWN HERE. TAKE A MOMENT TO SEE PICTURES OF A REAL WOMAN WITH REAL HURTS,
AND REAL HOPE...

REDEMPTION IS REAL FRIENDS!

MARIE, AND THE AFTERMATH OF THE AMISH SCHOOLHOUSE SHOOTING IS RESTORABLE,
and IF THAT IS TRUE,
THEN THAT MUST MEAN THAT THERE IS HOPE FOR YOUR STORY...
WE ARE ALL RESTORABLE!!!!

The woman sitting here with me is one that I can relate to on some levels. We were both married very young and as young women, we would both say that we only dreamed of being a wife and a mom.

That was her ideal.. and she was living it.

But she has had to learn to surrender certain ideals, and then discover a new kind of beauty that God would have for her.

This precious soul knows heartache, trauma and tragedy...and she KNOWS where her strength comes from. She resonates with my restorable project because she has had her eyes and heart wide open to see what being restored can look like and feel like.

Like most of us, she lives a full life wearing many hats. Her titles run from wife, mom, adoptive mom, friend, daughter, speaker, author… and then some other less shiny titles… like, widow, “shooter’s wife” and the wife of the Amish schoolhouse shooting.

God?... He calls her, “his own”, “beloved”, “daughter”...

And today… we will call her by her name.. “Marie Monville”!

Alright, Marie, what do you think… did I introduce you accurately?

Marie - I think you summed it all up quite well.

Well, before we move on today, I want people to know that your not all brokenness and redemption … there is more to you than that. So, would you please share with us a few things that you're into right now, maybe some hobbies, or maybe a little “day in the life” sort of preview.

Marie - I have six kids, five at home, so I would say that most of the time, my hobbies would be... well, I would try to say that I do something really exciting outside of being a wife and a mom, but I think most of my time is invested in my kids, and I love that. I love them, and I love the relationship that we’ve had and continue to walk out, as some of them are transitioning into adults. But, in those rare moments when I have some quiet time on my own, I love to write, to sit at my piano, and occasionally I still like to bake. I LOVED to bake when I was younger, and sometimes my kids remember the things that I haven’t made in a really long time. And then I ask them, well, lets do them together! Let me teach you how to bake it, and you can do the dishes!!

It seems like free time happens less and less in this stage of life...but I think I enjoy life more and more, or I relish it for what it is. I know that God is the author of my day. So, I really try to just roll with it, whatever it looks like. Certainly there are days when I plan all kinds of fun things that maybe don’t quite work out, but I know that He is the author of that too.

I love being a wife and a mom, and the things that He has allowed me to do. I love speaking and writing and being able to give hope to people, and that is probably more of a hobby than anything else. Just the opportunity to care for people, whether in my home or maybe it’s someone I just meant.

Jen - You just mentioned the word “control” and it reminded me of something you said on the phone to me. So, Marie quoted a movie that she watched…

Marie - yes, so, I would love to think that I am in control, I know that I am not in control. My mom used to say that I would have my ducks alphabetized, height wise, and color coded...my husband knows that I want all the details. So a few years ago we were watching “Kung Fu Panda”, and they were talking about “the illusion of control”. And I thought, that is exactly what it is. All of my trying to be in control is just an illusion . I am not really in control of anything, except the way I respond to my life. So, I have tried to lay down a bit of my “illusion of control” and roll with it. I am definitely much better at it in this season then maybe 10 or 20 years ago. It’s hard.

Jen - So, one of the things Marie was doing today, was volunteering at one of her son’s elementary schools, and she was texting and praying for another kid who is doing exams today at college….and basically, right now, every day is different!

How about a “day in the life” of Marie back 13 years ago, those couple of months before your life changed...what was your normal day like. You were “that car” driving down the road, doing life as usual…

Marie -

Back then, I was a stay at home wife and mom. We had three kids. Abigail was 7, Brice was 5, and Carson was 18 months. I was very much enmeshed in the mom with young kids routine. Two of them went to school, 2nd grade and kindergarten...so, library books and show-and-tell...and all those things that we forget! But, ya know, just being that real “hands on” mom. I played the piano some back then, and I would have said that “I loved to bake”.

I lived next door to my grandparents at that time, and my parents lived down the street, so I probably would have taken something that I baked to them...you know, just that normal Lancaster County, idealic lifestyle.

Jen -

So, you were just a normal doting wife and mom, right? You were doing this life... and I gathered, from reading your book, that it was morning and you were doing the normal thing of sending kids off to school and husband off to work.

Marie -

Yes, we walked the kids to the bus that morning. Charlie kissed the kids and said, “I love you”, and then he had some things to do for work. I led a prayer group for our elementary school, so Carson and I went off to do that.

It was one of those Indian summer kinds of days… the kind where the calendar says “October” but it felt like summer. The windows were open, the breeze was warm. You could hear the sound of harvesting around, as you would picture Lancaster County at that time of year.

Jen -

Isn’t it amazing how we remember interesting details when looking back to hard days. Like 9-11... I was sitting in my blue rocking chair, nursing my first born.
You remember the weather, the windows being open.

So, would you please share from your heart, your experience where that “tractor trailer” came across the line and hit you...and there you were on the side of the road…

Marie -

I think I remember the weather because it was such a stark contrast. The morning started so calm and so beautiful, and nothing eluded to what was coming. I think that that day, my surroundings were the complete opposite of the way I ended up feeling inside. It’s probably, in part, why I remembered it so clearly.

So, it was just before lunch time and I was expecting Charley to be home soon, but instead, he called me, and said, “Marie, I’m not coming home.”. I could tell by the sound of his voice that he meant it. His voice was flat and cold and lifeless. I never heard his voice sound like that before. On one hand I was trying to hear the things he was saying, things that weren’t making any sense. On the other hand, I am having a moment where my life is flashing before my eyes, and I’m thinking “how can this be? What does this mean?”... and all of those things were going on simultaneously.

Jen -

Was it surreal?

Marie -

It was very surreal, and I said to him many times, “please don’t do whatever it is that you are thinking of doing. There has to be another way, there is always another way”.

At the time, I was not thinking that he was going to hurt anyone else, much less children. I was concerned that he was going to harm himself, but what he was saying wasn’t making any sense. So, at the end of the conversation he just said, “please tell my family that I love them, I left a note for you on the dresser”...and then, he hung up.

So, I went to read the note. He was not a writer. He hated writing out my birthday card every year, that just wasn’t his specialty. But, he left me this multiple page letter on my dresser. It didn’t make a whole lot of sense, but I could tell that there was brokenness inside of him.

I was concerned that he had planned to harm himself. I thought that maybe if I would call 911, then maybe something that didn’t make sense to me, would make sense to someone who was trained for this, and maybe they could help me prevent whatever it was that he was going to do. I started talking to the dispatcher and told him my name, where I lived and the particulars of why I was calling. I told him about Charley’s letter and I could tell that he knew something that I didn’t know.. and he wasn’t telling me anything.

Jen -

Did you feel at that moment like maybe you were over-reacting, or were you like, ”I know...this is serious”.

Marie -

I think part of it is my nature, to see a problem and know that I need to do something about it. I think that is part of who I am, but I very much felt like, he is serious and something is going to happen. If there was anything I could do to stop it, I wanted to do that, at all costs. I have never called 911 in my life, but that was my first thought. I didn’t want to ever look back on this and think, “what if I had done something to prevent this”. It is amazing how fast the mind works.

The dispatcher just wasn’t telling me anything, and I could tell by the sound of his voice and the questions he was asking, that there was more to this. So, he just told me to stay at home and keep the phone on in case they needed to contact me...then, he hung up.

So, I went outside, and could hear the sound of police cars racing up the street. and helicopters flying overhead. It’s the kind of thing that you want to convince yourself that it doesn’t go together...you want to convince yourself that it is not part of your reality. Though, I knew in the pit of my stomach that it all had to be the same event.

As I am standing there on my porch, I’m thinking, “God, I just want to pray a prayer that matters, I want to say something that would make a difference”...but I had nothing. There was nothing inside of me. I knew that I was going to be a widow that day. I knew that Charlie wasn’t coming home. I had no idea what it was going to look like, but I knew that that was it for him...and for me, and for this life that we had built. And I am feeling the weight and the emptiness of that, and all I could say was, “God, help.”. In the moment that I said that, I knew that was all I needed to say. It wasn’t about me saying some kind of prayer that mattered. It was simply about the fact that God was already there. God was wherever Charlie was, and He was right there with me. And while all these details were a surprise to me, they were not a surprise to God. He saw this coming, He was there, and I could trust Him. I look back over the landscape of my life, to places in my past where I learned to trust God. It’s not like I grew up with this nature of always trusting the Lord. I could look back to when I lost my first child and had to wrestle through the barrenness of that, and saying face to face to God, “God I don’t trust You. I remember that season of life. I remember the discouragement of thinking how I had been in church all my life, accepted You as my Savior when I was 5, and now stand here as an adult and say, “God, I don’t trust You, I don’t trust this”. And, now seeing how God led me through that loss and taught my heart to trust Him, even with circumstances out of my control, that were not what I wanted. I knew that in the same way that He had met me then, He was meeting me now. The God who had walked me through all of that, was going to walk me through this now, whatever it was.

There were so many things going on inside of me at the same time; the knowing that Charlie was serious, that He was not planning on coming home. Knowing that the dispatcher knew more than I did, which made me feel worse about whatever was going on. The knowing that there was police cars and helicopters flying overhead, and that all of that had to be related. And then, knowing that I could CHOOSE to trust God in that moment.

Jen -

You were probably desperate too, right?

Marie -

Yes, and I always say, when I share my story, that it’s not like I was some “giant of faith”. It’s not like I was like, “yeah, God..bring it on!”... It’s that I was desperate...that is entirely it . I knew I had nothing, but I knew that I could trust the Lord.

Jen -

Do you ever feel like, “don’t misunderstand, don’t give me glory for being some strong chick, cause I'm NOT!!”

Marie -

Yes, because if you would have said to me on October 1st, “Marie, some really terrible things are gonna happen in your life, and all of what you thought was true or reality, is gonna be gone.” I would have said, “Pick someone else. You’ve got the wrong girl. I’m not strong like that. I can’t survive that. There is no way.” I would not have thought that any of that would be capable of surviving.

It wasn’t long until the police were in my driveway and I met them at the door.
I said,
“It’s Charlie isn’t it?, and they said, "yes".
"He’s dead, isn’t he?”, and they said, “yes”.

They came in and they asked me questions and they told me things that you would never want to hear about someone that you love. And to think that this man who so authentically loved his kids could be capable of hurting and killing other people’s children. It was just mind blowing to me...it’s the kind of thing that will never make sense. It’s the kind of thing that you would want to run away from, but there was no running from this, because it was staring me right in the face.

I talked to the police for awhile, and they suggested that I pack up whatever I think I might need for a week, and be prepared to leave your home. I knew the media was coming, and I didn’t know where to go, except that my parents lived down the street, and I knew it was better than here.

The detective left, and they left an officer behind until I was ready to leave. I was carrying things out from bedrooms to the living room, and thinking what am I gonna need for a week. My youngest was napping and my older two were still at school, and as I walked through the living room, I felt like God was asking me to make a choice of what I believed my life to be. I knew I had two choices.. .I could CHOOSE to believe that my life was over and we were going down like the fastest sinking ship…. OR… I could CHOOSE to believe that God is everything that He says He is. He is everything that I have ever read in the pages of His Word. He is everything I have ever heard someone testify that He is to be. He is everything that He had ever spoken to my heart, and that somehow He would come to rescue us.

I knew I was desperate, I knew I had nothing...and I knew I had nothing to lose by trusting Him.

So, I closed my eyes and said , “I know the enemy thinks he won today. I know he thinks he won in the school house, but he has NOT won here. This will not be the day that my kids look back upon and say, 'from Oct. 2, 2006 our lives were over'. Yes, this is a very difficult day, and undoubtedly it will be a very hard season, but I BELIEVE we will be victorious, because of WHO YOU ARE. Whatever You can do with this, do it”. And, I didn’t just mean for me… I meant for the Amish community, for the first-responders, for everyone who had been touched by this.

I know that those circumstances in our lives that look so hard to us, God doesn’t see them that way. It’s all the same to Him, nothing is harder than something else. He is faithful. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. That is true. It is not just some cliche’...it is true. God is the same today, that He was when He wrote the Bible...He is the same when He orchestrated the events and He is orchestrating our lives.

I saw how He taught my heart to trust Him. He blessed me with other children, and I knew that in all of those circumstances, that if He could do that, then He could handle this. I knew that I didn't have to be the one that was responsible to figure it all out, I could simply trust Him. I think that choice changed everything . ..It was TOTALLY God that He asked me to do that. I mean, when in the midst of the craziness of our lives do we stop and think, “I need to make a choice about what I’m going to believe”. I mean, most of the time that just happens along the way. We make our belief as life is unfolding. But, God stopped me from going to that place, where I would make a belief about my life that was wrong based on the circumstances. By saying, “Marie, before you get too far into this, I want you to choose what your going to believe, because that choice is going to set your course. That is going to be where you go. I totally believe that what we are looking for is what we are going to find. And if I chose to believe that day that life was over, I don’t think that God would have changed the things He has done in my life...I just don’t think I would have seen them. I wouldn’t have been able to see them, because I would have already written it off, that life was over.

Again, it’s not like I have made all the right choices, or that I am an amazing person of faith. It’s just that God had been faithful and I could trust Him.

Jen -

Something that I am hearing is, “protection”. And it’s kind of an oxymoron...like, absolute horrific devastation in your home, in your heart, in your children’s lives...AND..IN THE VERY SAME BREATH.. A crazy supernatural protection is happening.

Marie -

Yes, it is one of those days that I can look at and know that it is undoubtedly one of the most difficult days of my life… BUT ALSO… one of the days that I have seen God so clearly. I felt the strength that God gave me to walk through those circumstances. The ability to make a choice about my life. The way that He shielded me from so many other thoughts, emotions, feelings and conversations. I saw Him in a way that day that I hadn’t seen Him, or maybe hadn’t known to look for Him in my life up to that point.

Jen -

That is incredible. God is incredible!!

I sometimes wonder if it is because of the absolute utter weakness in those situations where we are so destitute that it is that supernatural strength that we see. You were able to choose trust.

But what about the lesser things. What about the smaller moments in life when it is a legitimately hard day, but it is not absolute desperate day. Do you sometimes find that your like, “oh! Right! I forgot, I’m supposed to be trusting You, God”?

Marie -

Yeah, I think when we have those big moments when we know that we have something much bigger than us, it’s easier to say to God, “hey, I need You, I can’t do this on my own”, because we know that it is bigger than we are. But, I think (from my experience) that those days when life is sort of chipping at us ..that those days are sometimes the more dangerous ones. Because those are the days when we think we can handle it, or we have had so many of them in a row that we are close to giving up. Instead of saying, “God I can’t do this, I need You to do this, I need Your strength, this is way bigger than me, and we kind of feel like we ought to be able to handle them because they are not those great moments of devastation. They are just all those minor moments of frustration or stress, that are actually so dangerous because they pile up in such a way that we end up with these conversations with ourselves like, “maybe I’m just done, I can’t do this anymore”. We all have those thoughts, but those are the moments where we really need to say, “God, I can’t do this. I need You. Can You show me another way?”. I don’t think that He is not showing us in those moments, rather, I think that we are just not looking for it.

I have learned so much about the love of God from being a parent. There are a million times when my kids are going through something and they are not telling me about it, or asking for my help, or sharing their struggle with me. They feel like they ought to be able to handle it, especially as a young adult. But if they just would have allowed me to shoulder that with them. I think it’s sort of the same way with our relationship with the Lord. We get into these places, and think, “well this isn’t really that big of a deal, I ought to be able to do this!” Yet, those are the places we absolutely need God. It is not necessarily our first thought to reach for Him...because we are trying to do it on our own. And, not from a bad place, right? I mean, it is from a place of responsibility, being an adult, forgetfulness… It comes from a good and understandable place. But, those are the places where we have to reach for the Lord, because those are the things that happen all the time. By allowing Him to be part of the everyday with us, we are building that relationship, that place of trust, so that on our really big days we can reach out with the knowing that God has met me in all these other little places and worked out these things that were no less of a miracle for me. He can totally do this.

Jen -

So, I am guessing that you are someone who would say, “I’m not here to say that my hard is harder than your hard”.

Marie -

Your totally right. Whenever someone comes up to me and says, “hey, I’ve not been what you have been through”. I always stop them right there and say, “pain is not a competition. Pain is pain. I know pain and you know pain and that unites us. And it hurts”. We all know pain, and we all know brokenness. Our circumstances are different but we all know those same things inside.

I don’t look at my difficult things that I am going through today and think, “Marie, you ought to be able to handle this because look at what else you have been through”. It’s not like that, and I’m never thinking that when someone else is sharing with me. Everybody’s journey of brokenness matters.

Jen -

So, when others come to you, and they go on and they share that hard thing with you,... have you ever heard in others, or had moments inside of yourself where you just didn’t feel hope. Have thoughts run through either of your minds like, “this isn’t actually restorable, this might be too far gone”.

Marie -

I think I always feel hope. I think that this is something that I have believed my whole life. I don’t know if this is something that I knew that I believed until everything that happened to me in 2006. I believe in the faithfulness of God, and I always believe that there is a “work-around”. I don’t call it a solution, but I’d say there is always a “work-around”, a way around, and God is going to help you to find it, if you just keep asking Him.

I think that would be the bottom line. Whenever someone is coming to me, and saying, “what do I do now?”. It is understandable in those moments that they might not feel hope, but I see the way that God has restored my life. I see all the broken pieces that He picked up and put back together in such an incredibly beautiful way, and I know that if He did it for me, then that is His heart for everybody.

To me, there is always away around, always a way through. God has got something, it is just allowing Him to show us what it is. Undoubtedly, whenever we are going through a hard time, we kind of have our own perceived solution. We think, here is how I’m gonna work this, or fix this or go through this. Most of the time it is not going to go the way we think. I always say that I’m a good “Hallmark” girl. I love a good story that you can kind of predict in the first five minutes how it’s going to roll. Happy ending, 2 hours or less with commercials. Life typically does not go that way. But, even in the midst of nothing is working out the way I thought, this is not what I thought life was supposed to be…. God, I can trust You. I know that You are going to help me through this. I know that You already see a way around this, or through this. I just have to let You lead me.

Then I come back to that place of wanting to be in control. I can try to be in control. I can try to force my way, that isn’t God’s way. Or, I can say, “Ok, God, for me control is just an illusion. I know that You are in control. I know that You have good things for me, so help my heart to trust You enough to let You lead.”

Jen -

It’s interesting, your conversation has a bit of a theme to it. I am hearing a lot of “work around”, and when Charlie called, you were saying to Him, “There has got to be another way”. … but, little did you know, that God was whispering to YOU, “there is another way”. It was not a message for Charlie, it was a message for Marie. So, that “work around” was a choice that was made in your living room. You were like, “I’m gonna trust You, AND this will be hard.''

So, what was the “work around”…the…I don’t even want to say “plan b”, cause I don’t think that’s right…

Marie -

I don’t think that God is asking us to make all the right choices. I think we put all this pressure on ourselves to get it right. Even in those moments when I was feeling the weight of being a single mom…. Every choice that I made in regards to my kids carried an even more significant weight than it ever did. Even before that… I loved being a mom and I wanted to be the best mom that I could ever be. We had lost two children before I had Abigail, and I think, part of that was coming from that place of loss. I just wanted to be the best mom that I could. So, even in those moments, I felt the weight like…”ok, God, this all matters, it is all significant”… but, I don’t think God wants us to feel that.

The work around…the way around is not resting on our shoulders. I remember another conversation I had that day with the Lord, I knew that I was going to have to tell my kids what had happened. I knew that I was going to have to tell them that they didn’t have a father, and it wasn’t just that they didn’t have a dad…but it was the way he chose to leave. I was saying, “God, You have to fix this. This was not supposed to be their lives. They are not supposed to know pain and brokenness like this. I can’t fix this, but You can.” I felt Him say to me, “Marie, I am not going to fix this, but I am going to redeem it.”.

God took that weight, that self-imposed pressure that I felt to make it all right, or to be the best mom that I could be… He took that off of my shoulders when He said, “I am going to redeem it”. That became the key to me about how I should approach life. How I should allow Him to bring this workaround. That I should simply allow Him to redeem it. It wasn’t about me making all the right choices, or knowing what I was supposed to do next. I had no idea… there is no book for this. It was just simply about, the fact that I could trust God, that He would bring His plan of redemption. I didn’t have to carry the weight of trying to work all this out. I just had to let Him do it. He was just asking me to open my heart and let Him lead. He wasn’t asking me, “Marie, you have to make all these right choices, you have to follow Me exactly. This all rides on you”. That is not what He was saying at all. He was saying, “I am going to redeem it”. So, I just had to leave the door open for His redemption.

Jen -

Do you feel you are at the culmination of redeemed, or do you feel you are in the thick of being redeemed?...

or for the sake of our analogy… Do you feel like you are on the other side, and you are restored?… or do you feel like you are in the thick of being restored?

And then, when you answer that…maybe you can share some of the how or what that looks like for your story.

Marie -

I don’t think I will ever get to the point of thinking I am fully redeemed. As much as I felt God saying that He was going to redeem it, I also felt there was a depth that was more than just this instance. His plan wasn’t just about Charlie’s choice. His plan was about lots of things that I had allowed inside of me. A lot of doubts about myself. A lot of my own insecurities. All of that stuff… He planned to redeem it ALL.

Years ago there was a show called “Extreme Home Makeover”. I loved seeing how they would come in, take somebody’s home and transform it into something so much better than they could have ever envisioned. I kind of feel like that was a little bit about what God’s plan for me was in those moments when He said that He was going to redeem it. It wasn’t about the choices that Charlie had made, but it was about… “Marie, I love you enough that I want to bring redemption inside of you, if you’ll let me.” But that was my choice…it is my choice to how deep I let God go. But I knew that as deep as allow the redemption to go, that is where the healing would be. I wanted as much healing as He would let me , because I wanted to be a good mom. I knew that the things inside of my heart, would be the things that I poured on my kids. So, if I didn’t allow God to do His healing, and I walked around with bitterness and anger, and the weight of sorrow.. and fear, stress and anxiety. If that is what I was allowing inside of me, then that was going to be what I poured onto my children. I wanted to authentically love them…and love them with the kind of love that He poured out on me. That meant that I had to let Him in and let Him work.

There are places that I am aware of that He is still bringing redemption into my life. There are places that I am not even aware of that He is still bringing redemption to in my life. As a mom, I can’t wait to see the redemption that He will bring into my kids’ lives. The ones that were 7, 5 and 18 months… are now 20, 18 and 14, and we are very much in the thick of seeing God write their redemption story.

So, yes.. I have seen some of God’s redemption.

Yes, I am seeing more of it.

And…yes, I believe there is still more to come.

A lot of times people ask me, “Why does God allow bad things to come?” . I don’t have an answer for that better than anyone has ever given. What I know from my own experience is that people make choices. Sometimes we are walking out the aftermath of our own choice, and sometimes we are walking out the aftermath of someone else’s choice.

We have this ability to judge our circumstances like it’s the evidence of God's love. To look at our life, or someone else’s life (especially as we scroll through social media) and say, “well, God… You must love that person more, because their life looks a whole lot better than mine”. But I don’t think that is it. I don’t think that God’s love is proved by our circumstance… I think that God’s love is best seen by the way He comes with us and walks with us. He will come right where I am, whether it is a choice that I made, or a place that I am at because of a choice that someone else has made. It doesn’t matter to Him. He will come, and He will be faithful and He will walk. So, for me, some of those places that I have seen redemption are in that deeper understanding where it is like… “ok, Marie, just because these things happened in your life, doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love you. Just because your life hasn’t gone the way that you planned, doesn’t mean that He doesn’t care about those dreams you have inside.”. It is just that these are the circumstances, and if you will let Him, He will walk it out with you.

Some of the redemption is not based on circumstances, they are based on these deeper truths that He has reset in places where I wasn’t seeing it the right way. He has given me much more self confidence than I have ever had growing up. And that is NOT the thing that you would think that someone would say after walking through these circumstances. He did that immediately. People all around the world wanted me to give an answer for Charlie’s choices. I did not have answers, I had my own unanswerable questions. I could not tell someone something that would make sense. This was just something that did not make sense. So, in that moment for God to come along and give me strength and courage...He reset some of those insecurities that I had about myself. I grew up super shy, very quiet...quite reserved, and people who knew me in high school who now see me are kind of like, “wow, that’s the same person?”. Especially when they come and hear me speaking, and they think about the girl who would have never wanted to be in front of people. I had all of these misconceptions of who I am, and I wouldn’t have ever thought to believe the things that God has shown me now. That I have a voice that matters and I have something to say that is worth hearing. I wouldn’t have ever thought something like that about myself.

Jen -

Yeah, I so resonate with that. That is what you are sharing...that that is a small example of one of the parts of your redemption. To go back to the analogy, there is the car in the junk yard, the pinto or whatever. It was functioning fine, driving in it’s lane. But in that redemption, in that restoration process, the “Mechanic”... God… the Restorer comes in and says, “ok little Pinto you were doing a good job going down the road, but I am going to take you to my garage, I am going to work on you. It is not going to be easy”.

And let’s just say the car could pull itself out of the garage and refuse to be worked on. Insist on staying in its little broken situation. But, you (Marie) chose to stay in the garage, and then came out running like you’ve never run before. You came out with a new kind of function, a new kind of sound and a new kind of look.

So, this shy little girl came out and realized that she had a voice. She didn’t have to be shy or weird about it, or even ashamed of it. THAT is a run like you’ve never run before kind of restoration. A restoration where you said, “I am willing”.

Marie -

Maybe people who don’t know me, look on the outside and make assumptions. They see this wonderful happy family, they see the Christmas cards and everyone looks happy and smiling. They see my amazing husband and our beautiful blended family and they just assume that THAT is the redemption. And, yes… that is part of it. But, I think, if we judge the level of God’s redemption purely based on circumstances, then we missed the whole point. Because it is not about our circumstance. It is easy to think, “well, God must love her. He brought a redemption that looks like “this”.” He changed her circumstance, she has another husband...whatever. But there are lots of circumstances in our lives that are not going to be changed like that. I would never want someone to assume that God’s level of redemption in my life was solely based on circumstance. It is actually all those things that He has done under the surface that have changed me. That have changed everything. Because in so many places we can’t change our circumstances, but what God can change is the way we see it. He can change the way we see the events of our lives, and the way we see ourselves in it. By us changing our perspective, that changes everything.

So, yes, I have a great husband, beautiful kids and a great life..but if there was one hope of redemption that I could share with someone else. It would be to let God go after those places inside of you that only you know about. Let Him go after the brokenness that maybe is not even directly tied to the situation, but still exists inside of you. Give Him access to all that stuff. Those places of redemption are going to enable you to be the person that He has always created you to be. Probably even the person that you’ve always wanted to be, but you wouldn’t have ever had the courage to believe for yourself.

Jen -

So, how do you give God that access?

Marie -

I appreciate you talking about how difficult that is. It’s not like that car who is saying, “sure, you can work on me”. None of it is easy, and it feels like it costs you something. But really, it doesn’t cost us anything. It is just surrender. We put such a high price on surrender without thinking of the beauty that comes after that. Surrender is painful, scary and unknown...but it is the beauty that comes on the other side of the surrender.

I think the place that I learned this first was in the loss of my first daughter. I was saying to the Lord, “God, I don’t trust You, and I can’t believe that I don’t trust You. How do I learn to trust You? I have learned the Bible, sat in church, prayed ...and I am saying that I don’t trust You. How do I figure that out now?”. I felt like He was telling me to hold out my hands and let go of the things that I had been holding tightly to for so long. I think that is what it looks like to give God access. Whatever brokenness it is that we are carrying, whatever place it is that we don’t trust Him. Or a place where we have given up on our dreams because we have been so broken. Whatever the painful thing is...we can hold it in our hands, and hold it out, and then open it up to the Lord, and say, “Ok God, here it is. I will give it to You.”

One of the really amazing things about God is, if we change our minds and take it back and close our hands again. He doesn’t write us off. He says, “ok, come back, open your hands and lets try this again”. So, even for me in that season of life, I know there were days that I did not live with my hands wide open. There were days I held my hands open and days I held them closed. But, all He wants is for us to surrender it to HIm. To give it over to Him. To let Him carry the weight for us. To let Him be the author of our redemption story. And, He is not looking at us, waiting for us to make all those right choices, He is simply asking us to surrender.

He cares about me, He cares about you, He cares about the pain that we are carrying, and He simply wants us to let Him carry it instead. It is not a formula, it is something that you have to work out between you and the Lord. Surrender looks different for each person. Maybe some people are better at surrender than I am. I just know that sometimes it is a struggle, and I don’t think that God is disappointed in that. I think that the more we live in this place of authenticity, a place of saying, “God this is really hard for me, and I don’t even want to open my hands today”. He will meet us there. He will meet us any place we ask Him. There are alot of days where I said, “God, I don’t want what I have in my hands. I don’t want to carry it, and I don’t feel like doing the work of giving it to you…. But I don’t want to live like this. I don’t want this to be the entirety of what I know. So, will You take my crappy attitude. Will You take my feeling bad for myself, my wishing my life would look like somebody else’s...and would You transform that? Will You take THOSE things out of my hands? Because I can’t even give You access to my heart if I”m sitting here saying, I don’t want what my life looks like now, I don’t want to have to do the work of giving it to You right now, and I don’t want to wait for You to write this redemption story. I just want to be different one minute from now.

Jen -

I'm thinking of the person who is saying.. “Right!..but how?”
And what your saying is, it is a constant conversation, of “You show me how”.

I’m thinking of the verse where a father in the New Testament is asking for a big miracle. What he ends up saying is, “help me with my unbelief”. I think it is possibly similar with surrender. We say, “I see and I feel the angst inside of me, and I know there is a better way. I believe You are real. I believe that You are God and You are good, and You are love. I know all that, AND I am still over here with a tight grip. There is this big bridge that I can’t cross. Help me with my unbelief. Help me surrender what I can’t surrender on my own”. (Mark 9:24)

Trouble is inevitable. Hard is inevitable. You are living proof that really unthinkable things are even inevitable.

So, do you feel you are in a season right now of trauma and tragedy?

Marie -

I think we all go through hard days. I think, for me, it is difficult to call anything trauma after the whole Amish schoolhouse shooting and everything that went along with that. But, I will say that I have gone through alot of hard days since then. I lost my dad on Christmas Eve a number of years ago. Walking out various forms of brokenness with my kids. I think we all have something difficult we are going through most of the time.. Whether it’s a big, monumental, life altering thing, or just a small kind of, nagging at you hard. When I was a kid growing up, I know this is not what I thought it was supposed to be to be an adult. But, I think that is a part of life, ya know…believing in God doesn’t give you a free pass. .

We all walk through difficulty. I am not saying that my life is terrible and agonizing and every day awful. I do think it’s a perspective thing. If I wanted to look at my circumstances and see it as all awful and everyday is going to be awful. Then, sure..I could choose to feel like that… anybody could, but what kind of life is that? That is not redemption, that is not who God is, that is not the truth of what He is speaking over my life. So, in any situation, the perspective that I want to choose is, “ok, God, maybe this isn’t what I thought, maybe this is harder than I imagined life was supposed to be when im an adult. But, I know that You are here, I know that You are in it. I know that You are showing me something about who I am, and who You are. I know that You are not just doing this for me.

God’s redemption is multi-faceted. It is never just about one thing. So, while it is about what He is doing in us… it is also about then having the opportunity to share that with someone else. It is not to say that we can’t be this extension of redemption to somebody else’s life unless our life is perfect. I don’t think that is true, or no one would ever share anything. The conversations that I have had with strangers that have left me jaw dropped in awe, is when someone else will say, “I just want you to know that I am thinking about you, I see the pain you are walking through… because I have walked through something in my own life, and because I have walked through that pain in my own life, it has given me the eyes to see the brokenness in yours”. They don’t have to say that they are on the other side and their life is amazing! Just for someone to come right to where you are and to speak to the authenticity of that… to say, “ I see what you are going through and I want you to know that I care about you, and I love you.'' That means the world, because in those moments we think we are alone. We think that we are the only one that this kind of stuff happens to. But when someone risks it, and says, “Hey, this is where I have been, let me walk with you”. Let me really be here for you, and not just, “if you need anything, call me”, but rather, “let's get coffee, let's talk...whatever, cause I know what it feels like to be in your shoes”. That is huge.

Jen -

Yes, they are empathizing for you, and in a sense… they are holding hope for you, right?

Marie -

Yes, and that just changes it. When you know that you are not alone. Someone else has walked through brokenness, and they are willing to walk through yours.

Jen -

So, do you have any tips, any ways to walk through the broken times? We talked about surrender, but I am also thinking of things like, self care/soul care...what did that look like for you, and continues to look like for you because you continue to have hard days? You probably use some of the dependency that you learned from when you lost your daughter, and when Charlie’s choices changed the trajectory of alot of your life. You probably now use some of those same tools to help you with your present hard days.

Marie -

I think it is alot about grace. Giving ourselves grace. I can be a pretty driven person, I can have alot of expectations on myself, I want things to look a certain way. But, sometimes you need to give yourself grace and say, “ok, maybe this year I am not doing xyz at Christmas or whatever. Not just saying, I have to do all these things, because this is what I have always done. If it is not a place that is giving you life… then, don’t do it.

Give yourself the grace to be ok with changing the dynamics of what your life looks like...to put it in a place where your getting life, rather than just getting the life sucked out of you.

I’m really good at giving grace to other people, I’m not so good at giving grace to myself. Sometimes I have to have those conversations where I say, “Ok, what would I be saying if this were someone else’s life?”. In those places where we tell a friend to take a nap, or eating something nutritious. We encourage them to skip the coffee and chocolate because maybe they actually need some protein. All those basic things that are good care tips for any human beings. We have a hard time, rolling them out on ourselves. Sometimes we need a nap more than anything. Sleep is a wonderful tool for restoration, but instead we burn the candle at both ends. We keep going as fast and as hard as humanly possible.

I am trying to do better at taking care of myself, at making margin, and not feeling bad about it. Of thinking, “what do I want to do that brings me joy?’... and then doing it. Whether it is journaling… for some it is very healing to write out all the things that you are thinking, the things that are stressing you and setting them aside. Or taking a walk, getting counseling for sure. I think we have such a negative connotation about counseling… but, it is amazing to talk out your problems with someone who doesn’t have to live out your life!! He or she can give you an impartial opinion, or give you useful tips...and then get together and talk about it again. It is such an incredible gift to have someone who simply wants to listen to you.

We have no trouble thinking it would be great if someone went out to get a personal trainer to. If I had a friend who said that they were going to take 6 weeks with a personal trainer … I would be like, “Go you!”. But, nobody ever says, “I’m taking 6 weeks to get my mental and emotional health in order, so I got a counselor. I’m gonna see them for 6 weeks, and if at the end of 6 weeks I feel I need more time, I”m going to extend it. I’m also gonna take a nap, and take some walks…”. We ought to be celebrating that in the same way that we would celebrate someone working on their physical body.

I think that there are some basic things that we can do. We can make sure that we are eating well, drinking enough water, because being dehydrated really does a number on your system. It doesn’t take alot of time, or alot of money, it just takes a little forethought. I eat much better if I plan it out in advance.

Also, do something that is the you that you love. Like, finding those things that really speak to who you are, or what you enjoy. Even if your hobbies change...baking used to be therapy for me, but it is not therapy for me after having 6 children. I cook enough, and that doesn’t feel like fun. So sometimes our hobbies change as our seasons change, but find the thing that brings you joy, and give yourself the grace to do that thing for 15 minutes a day.

I have told my children that I am going in my room, closing the door and to not bother me unless someone is bleeding profusely!

Jen -

I remember when my kids were toddlers and we told our son to “not get out of bed unless it is an emergency”.. To which he said, “so, if my brother’s face is on fire, then can I get out of bed?!”.
We were like, “um... yes.. You can get out of bed if his face is on fire!!!” (ha ha ha)

Marie -

Yes, and I think we just have to give ourselves the grace to take care of ourselves well.

Jen -

I love that. You gave some really specific examples. But you umbrella-ed all of that with, grace. The FIRST thing that you said was “grace”. A little line that I like and that I especially like to let overflow into my kids lives is, “you don’t have to be awesome! I am off the hook, I don’t have to be awesome!!”....and neither do you." This is something that we can extend to our kids!

That umbrella of grace over those little daily baby steps! Because, today, you might not know how to care for yourself...or something like, deep breathing doesn’t come to your mind, or you might not know what is enriching for you. You don’t have to be awesome...you don’t have to figure that all out today.

Today, might just need to be as simple as it was for you on your porch when you said, “help God”. That is your baby step today. Or, maybe your baby step is I am going to step out on my porch because the sun is shining and I think it is a good idea for me to see the sunshine. Then, possibly, once I am out there, then God will help me to take that baby step to walk down the driveway, and then maybe… whatever it is, just to start with small healthy/helpful steps.

I see a counselor.. Actually, maybe it is better said that she sees me! She cares for me and I am grateful for her. And I like what you said about celebrating that! There is beauty in acknowledging that you need help. You can’t do this on your own. My counselor does a whole lot of listening, but also, sometimes she is outside of my junk...she can see the forest through the trees where I can’t. In Titus 2 it says to have older women teach the younger women...and she is one of those women for me. It also says in Proverbs that the “counsel of many is wise”. It is good to allow people to speak into your life.

My friend Meagan is a professional counselor. ( www.takeheartcounseling.com ) She is an equine therapist. I have learned so much cool stuff about the power of working with animals from the stories that she has told me. Meagan is a dear friend who believes in what God is doing through the Restorable project and through the Hope Layer podcast. She is joining forces with me, and you, and our listeners here by offering a $25 discount for anyone who is in need of a therapist, in need of help. Anyone who is ready to knock on that door and make that first appointment.

If you feel like your next step might be to talk to someone who is trained and safe, then email Meagan. When you email her, just mention Hope Layer podcast and she will take $25 off of your first session. You will meet at her horse farm and I believe that this will be a really great experience for you. Email Meagan@takeheartcounseling.com

I also want to say that while I see a professional counselor, I also have a holistic practitioner in my life. Through different circumstances I have learned that trauma, age, toxic environments… all that stuff wreaks havoc on our bodies! I remember Lysa Turkeurst ( www.lysaterkeurst.com ) saying something that her counselor told her. She said that her hard stuff will catch up with her and her body would tell her!

Through different circumstances, I have also chosen to have a holistic practitioner to come alongside of me and care for my physical well being. This woman is passionate about not only my physical health, but also my emotional and spiritual health. She takes it ALL into consideration when she guides me towards wellness! I sincerely cannot say enough about Dr. Rhonda...she is fabulous and professional at her job at what she does and puts her whole heart and attention into each client that she sees. She started as my Dr. for our daughter years ago, and now she is my Dr... who has turned into a dear friend! Dr. Rhonda is so supportive of what I am doing through Restorable and this podcast, she believes it is a wonderful tool for hope and healing Because of her passion for whole health, she is also partnering with Hope Layer listeners by offering a $25 discount for her initial exam. Go to her LINK at http://beautifulhealingjourney.com/hopelayer to get your discount.

I hope these resources can be tangible, practical tools for someone who is in the thick of heavy.

Because .. if your listening and you are in a season of heavy...then please get help. See my friend Meagan for counseling.. And take care of yourself by allowing Dr. Rhonda to guide you along in your physical wellness.. And, friends if all these restorable conversations have been nurturing to your soul, then I would love for you to join me at my soon coming Restorable Retreat. It will be held in a beautiful bed and breakfast from February 28 - March 1st in Lancaster, PA. It is going to be such a meaningful and powerful weekend for your journey, as I know it will be for mine. Tickets are already being sold, so read about it and sign up www.jenminingerphotography.com/retreats

Something that Marie and I realize that we have in common, is that we both have received comfort. Comfort from the “God of all comfort” (2 corinthians 1:3). … and we continue to receive comfort from Him, because we continue to recognize that we are broken. Even though we are broken and we need God’s comfort, we can at the same time, “comfort others with the comfort that we have received”.

Marie, you don't feel like you have anything amazing to offer anybody, except for what God has been given to you...and that is, comfort, hope, redemption...it is a “run like you haven’t run before”. That it is not out of your own will or power, or your own strength. It is just stuff that you have received. And now you are in season where you are ready to comfort others. One of the ways that you are doing that is through a book that you have written.

I read your book a couple of years ago and it really spoke to me. Your words gave me pictures of hope. I was a little scared of reading it… thinking that maybe I would skim the hard parts. But, Marie...you couldn’t skim the hard parts, but God definitely protected you in the thick of it!! So do you want to share with us what your book is about?

Marie -

Yes, so I wrote a book called, “One Light Still Shines” . It is my story, and not just my story of the aftermath of the Amish schoolhouse shooting, but it is really a comprehensive view of my childhood and my hopes and dreams and the way God brought his redemption. The way He taught me to trust Him. It is of course also the aftermath of the shooting, and then the beautiful story of meeting my husband, Dan and our family. It is written in such a way that my objective is to share hope. Because we all have those broken places in our lives. It is not just for you to read my story and be like, “oh wow, God did that in her life”. .. but then to come away and say, “God, if you did that in Marie’s life, then what do You have planned for mine?”.

Whenever I share my story, whether it is someone reading my book, or listening to me speak is to be able to share the comfort that I have received.

( https://mariemonville.com/ )

Jen -

Very cool, Marie!! This book (your story) has made an impact on me.

so, we are doing a book giveaway from now until Friday, January 17, 2020.

We will be giving away TWO signed copies of Marie’s book!!

Here is how to enter the giveaway:

1. follow @mariemonville and @jenminingerphotography on either (or both!!) facebook/instagram

2. take a screenshot of you listening to the “Hope Layer” podcast and tag “Marie Monville” and “Jen Mininger Photography”

3.... bonus entries for each friend that you tag in your post who would appreciate this true message of hope!!!

We will be sure to catch up with two winners on Friday, January 17th!!!

Alright, Marie… it is time for us to wrap up!

Our mom responsibility is beckoning and we are really thankful for that!!

Restorable... "not enough time"

jen@layeredphotography.com (Jen Mininger) — Mon, 16 Dec 2019 22:12:39 GMT

How to receive hope and comfort in the middle of your mess...

... and an invitation to join me at The Restorable Retreat!

While I was walking in the 20 acre junkyard, just myself, my camera and other broken things… I sort of lost track of time. Like, I ended up being there for HOURS. Literally… hours of walking around, thinking, praying, taking in the sights and taking pictures.

I didn’t plan on being there that long, but I found it hard to leave.

When I realized it was getting late, and I still needed to get the kids from school, I began to hurry back through the junkyard and get to my van. I climbed in and grabbed my snack...cause I was getting hungry!

Then... I grabbed my journal and a pen and wrote a quick note… a note because I felt there was something about that feeling that I was having…

Doesn’t it seem like sort of a strange analogy to not want to leave the junkyard. It's strange to think that I don't spend enough time in the junkyards of life.. Typically we want to rush out of the low times, the down and out times… we want a quick fix and get back to the mountain tops. We want to be on the other side of pain, the restored side.

Solomon wrote it. The Beatles sang it.. "a time to laugh, a time to weep....to everything there is a season".

Personally... I'd like to skip the hard seasons, but I'm learning that in the broken season ... in the seemingly hopeless junk yard...there are treasures. So, with some reluctance, I'll attempt to take my time. It is a hard work...surrendering to God restoring me...but I'm so thankful that I am RESTORABLE!

So, today, I just want to leave you with a simple encouragement...don’t give up. This season that your in, that hard spot, the thing that defeats you, beats you up and knocks you down. The thing that you can’t forgive. The thing that triggers you, the thing that hurts you. Don’t give up on it.

Hang in there. There is a season for mourning. There is a season for weeping… and this might be your season to be in there.

I didn’t want to leave that junk yard...which seemed weird to me. I thought I’d be quick, in and out.. Get my pictures, see my things and go home and get something else accomplished!

But..there was healing there for me. There was comfort in the thick of acknowledging my broken stuff. Treasures in the midst of staying and acknowledging my hard thing.

Do you know the part of Psalm 23 where it says… “even though I walk THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me”.

“Walk through the valley of the shadow of death”... “walk”. Not skip over, not catapult over...not get a trampoline and bounce over. We’ve gotta “WALK THROUGH” it, and it doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t feel good… it’s hard. It’s really hard. It's a “valley of the shadow of death”.

In the Bible, it shares with us from God’s heart, that even though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death...there is comfort THERE! His rod and His staff, they comfort me...there. The Shepherd, He uses his rod, his staff...not to beat the sheep into submission, but to guide, to protect. That Shepherd LOVES His sheep. And when that sheep is in a valley and it's dark and there is danger around..the Shepherd isn’t hurrying the sheep out of the valley, rather He is saying “we need to be here, stay close to me, I will keep you safe. Listen to my voice, you will know my voice and I will keep you safe in the valley here. I will comfort you and you will feel secure, even in this valley.

I think that is what God is encouraging me to do time and time again. To accept the valley. To not avoid it, cope my way out of it, escape it. But to just allow it to be there, and to know that I won’t get swallowed alive by it! I won’t be there forever, but I will be there sometimes...the valley times are inevitable. In the book of John it says, “In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world”.

And that trouble sometimes feels like a dark shadowed valley of death. Hang in there. He is with you. He is right next to you. God, the loving Heavenly Father, the Shepherd, the Good Shepherd. He is there, comforting you, keeping you safe, protecting you. He is going to help you walk through it! And that is the other good news… you walk THROUGH it. You don’t walk in it and get stuck there forever. There is hope. There is another side… you go THROUGH it and past it. But today, quite possibly your listening because your in it...your in the valley of the shadow of death.

How can we receive comfort, if we don't acknowledge the thing that hurts so bad?

Somehow, when I was in that junk yard I found comfort, and I didn’t want to leave. I went to my hard spot, I went to my pain. I felt God’s presence, I felt safe and I felt ok. I felt that there was going to be treasures there for me. And ya know what?... a mechanic would say the SAME THING! A mechanic would go to a junkyard and see something broken up. He would see something so messed up, beat up, rusted out and desperate. And he would see a treasure!!!”. He would want to get that piece of junk...that soon to be treasure...that thing that ALWAYS was and ALWAYS will be a treasure in the mechanic’s eyes.

He would want to get it out of the junkyard, but first He would need to take it THROUGH the junk yard with a goal of taking it to HIS home and RESTORING IT. It would take time, care, and attention and investment...but eventually?... OH MY GOODNESS! We would all SEE the valuable treasure that the Mechanic originally saw….if we would just let Him restore us from our brokenness.

Can you imagine the car trying to wiggle its way out of the garage? Or trying to yell at the mechanic, saying, “No! No! No!”.

Kind of a weird analogy, right?! But..I get it. That is sometimes me. I”m like.."AH! This hurts!!". Maybe I don’t want to be restored. I want it easier. Or...sometimes, I minimize the rust, the dent, and the brokenness in me and say things like, “maybe the junkyard wasn’t so bad...can I just go back there?".

You know it all. I’m sure you’ve said this stuff too.

But there are treasures in the midst of the junkyard….even, in the midst of being restored.

I don’t know what your treasures are from your brokenness. I don’t know what your treasure will be from your dark spot. I don’t know what your treasure might be from when you got hurt.

But, I do believe in the “God of all comfort”. I believe in the “God of hope”. And I believe in the One who has and will overcome all hard things.

And, I’ve discovered treasures that I didn’t have before. New treasures that I could have only received from walking THROUGH my hard stuff. My hard stuff has matured parts of me, it has taught me to be understanding and sympathize, and even empathize with others when they are feeling their hard stuff.

My hard stuff softens me, and even humbles me. It causes me to be a kinder and gentler person...when I walk through it with the Shepherd.

Those are just some of the real treasures that I have received from walking through some valleys. And because of that, maybe I will struggle with fear a bit less when the next valley comes. And maybe I can extend hope to you today from the comfort that I have received.

You CAN get through the hard stuff. You CAN discover and receive really valuable.. priceless treasures, FROM your brokenness. Treasures that you would not have received without your brokenness. Certain treasures, certain valuable things that we grow into, because of our brokenness.

So, friend… may I just encourage you today? May I just remind you that hard things are inevitable. Hard things will come. And hard things are HARD.

There are seasons. A time to laugh, a time to mourn. A time to rejoice… all those things. There IS a time for them. Which is really good news. Because that means that it won’t be forever a time to mourn. There will be another “time”..another “season”.

There are also times where there are pockets in my day… like, part of my day is a time to mourn, and another part of my day is a time for rejoicing. I am grateful for that!

But, then there are seasons where the days turn into weeks and even months...and you are still in a hard “season”. Take heart...another season will come. Don’t give up, walk through it...find comfort there.

Listen, if all this restorable talk has meant something very personal to you. If you get it… if there is something inside of you that is hurting and broken and you just want to have your hand held..your heart to be held up, or you need someone to hold hope for you for a time.

Maybe you know that you need to walk through this season. You recognize your valley and you have decided that it’s time to stop ignoring it. Your tired of it nagging at you..and you want to discover treasures in it… and you would like to feel the “God of comfort” in the midst of it. But, your afraid and you don’t want to go there alone.

If this sounds like you...then I want to share with you something that God has been nudging me to do for sometime now.

At the end of February I will be hosting a “Restorable Retreat”. I will gather with approximately 20 women inside of an old farm house in Lancaster county, pa. This huge old home was once used for a farmer and his family ..but now, in its RESTORED state is being used as a beautiful bed and breakfast. This bed and breakfast has enough beds for each of us, a long enough table for us to sit around and share stories together as we eat our meals. It has 7 and half bathrooms that I’m confident we will share well. And it has a cozy living room, where we will gather and discuss on deeper levels what it means to be restored.

I will not be doing this retreat alone… I have my friend Meagan, who is a professional counselor and founder of www.takeheartcounseling.com joining me. I will also have my friend, Terry Boch with us. Terry has written heartfelt music from her own brokenness and victories...and I just know that both of these women will be a treasure to all of us.

Our time together will be a weekend filled with nurturing, deep discussions on hope. I am planning so much for out time, including experiences to help you move forward in this whole idea of restoration. ... and I can hardly wait to share it with you!

I am going to dive deeper into what God has taught me from my brokenness and this restorable project. We are going to dig deep TOGETHER.

You will have "permission" to sit quietly and receive with us, or if you feel safe, then you will have space to share with others. We will do some hands on stuff and there will for sure be a variety of treasures for you to enjoy.

I am also confident that there won’t just be tears shed, but there will also be laughter. It might be a time to catch up on some much needed sleep...or possibly a time to stay up too late, because that sounds good to you. There will be twin beds, queen beds and if you're looking for a bit of cheaper ticket...then there will be some kind beds for sharing. Maybe you want a friend to come with you and share this time together!

Friend, I want YOU to have this to look forward to. In the midst of your brokenness getting you down...I want you to “take heart” because God will beat this, and He just might use our weekend together to give you a taste of what some of his victory might look like in your life, while here on earth. If this weekend sounds like the kind of nurturing you could use in your season, if you are ready to begin to invest in your hard stuff and allow that broken thing to be restored. … then hang in there… its coming ..actually really soon!

Mark your calendars for February 28 - March 1st for the Restorable Retreat getaway. And also mark your calendars for Wednesday, December 18 when tickets will be made available. AND...this is REALLY IMPORTANT...if the Restorable Retreat sounds like a time for you in your season...if your thinking that the only gift you need to receive this year is a ticket to this getaway… .then, you will need to email me at Jen@layeredphotography.com and ask for me to place you on my email list. My email subscribers will be the first to be able to purchase tickets for the Restorable Retreat.
Just lettin’ ya know...ya know?!

If you want to see where we will be staying...scroll down for pictures or head to their website at -

https://www.stoltzfusbandb.com/

Ok...one last thing…

If your listening today because you have a hard thing and it keeps nagging you… if you know that your in a “season”, and if you are choosing to “walk through” it.

Then, I really want to encourage you to get professional help...to not do this alone. It’s really not that big of a deal… you're not crazy, your not over-reacting to say that you would like someone to walk alongside you. I see my counselor regularly...and I love her, and I am deeply grateful for how God has used her in my life. BUT.. before you email me and ask for her contact info… I have to tell you that she is in a season of not accepting new clients..

BUT… remember my friend Meagan that I mentioned earlier? My counselor friend who will be joining us on our retreat? Well, she is offering all Hope Layer listeners a $25 discount off of their first session. If you are interested in seeing if professional therapy is a fit for you then , email Meagan@takeheartcounseling.com ,and let her know that you would like to schedule an appointment and receive the Hope Layer discount.

I have come to believe that investing in your brokenness, in your heart and in your restoration is an investment for your future and for those whose lives you are influencing today. Basically...it's worth it...your worth it.

Below are some pictures that I quickly took while visiting the Bed and Breakfast. For more information, feel free to email me or keep checking in at https://www.jenminingerphotography.com/retreats

Restorable.. the analogy breaks down

Fri, 06 Dec 2019 03:06:36 GMT

Nothing is "too far gone"
(This post can be heard on The Hope Layer Podcast, episode 4)

Its been almost 3 years since I walked through that infamous junk yard for the first time…

I walked around seeing some cool stuff that I know a car enthusiast would want to restore, but I also walked around seeing stuff that looked really hopeless…

I took my picture near both of those conditions…

Cause I could relate to both…

I walked around and saw lettering on doors that told me the story of a hopeful business, and I wondered, what happened to that business?... Did they have to close up shop?

I saw cars with old toys sitting in them. Toys that made me think that family memories were held in that car. Maybe that car was meaningful to a parent or a child. But, that car, eventually gave out.. or maybe it got hit, and the family had to send it to the junkyard.

I looked at the insides of some cars and let me tell you...I can’t even imagine the story that caused some of the damage that I saw.

I looked at headlights, and grills..and some of these trucks and cars sort of came to life for me… and I imagined that they looked sad.

And I took some more pictures of all the devastation, the brokeness and the hopelessness that surrounded me…

Because, as you know...I could relate.

I walked around taking in the sights and thinking about my hard stuff. The stuff that I didn’t want to face...the stuff that didn’t seem worth the hard work to find life in again…

Could I do it? Did I have the strength for it?

I looked at those cars and trucks, knowing that they needed SO much work ...and likely, most of them would never “run” again.

Was I gonna be like them? Was I restorable? Honestly, at the time, I didn’t know the outcome… I just knew that God was pulling me to look at my hard stuff and look for hope. So, I did.

And now...here I am years later...sort of inviting you into the junk yard with me...

So, if you watched the restorable video ( https://www.jenminingerphotography.com/restorable ), you know that this project was born out of walking through my own junk! With God’s help, my loving counselor’s help, and support around me...I came to a point of needing to ACKNOWLEDGE my brokeness. I needed to name my hard thing, look at it straight in the “face” and even feel it.

Sound a little scary? I get it...it does feel scary!

So, before I go on and say any more today...I want to go straight to SOME of the good news…

The good news is that I didn’t STAY in the heavy...I didn’t get stuck. Rather, it was in the heavy that I discovered a new light and a new beauty.

Granted, as the onion layers continue to peel back, there seems to be new hard stuff for me to visit, and I will...BUT.. I will, with hope and a knowledge that I’ll get through it, it will be ok, and so will I. There will be another side. There IS HOPE for each of my hurting and broken places.

You see, it helps me to look at both sides of a matter, in fact that’s some good advice that I found in the Bible, in Ecc. 7. So, on the one hand, I hope that together we can look at our brokenness while on the other hand..we will be looking to the Restorer...and therefore we are ultimately looking toward and feeling hope.

So, what’s your hard thing?

I’d like to give YOU safe space here to validate your hard thing and say that it IS in fact, hard.

We’re not gonna compare. We are not gonna be-little or minimize our hard thing today. We are just gonna acknowledge it. Because, if you look around in a junkyard...the bottom line is, those cars, no matter their condition, no matter their past, no matter what their story is that brought them there...they are there…. and it isn’t pretty. It’s NOT easy.

So, As you imagine walking through the junkyard with me...and seeing some sad things… can you identify with any of them? There are ALOT of them, in this junk yard..

I’m thinking of my hard thing, the thing that I struggle to believe is restorable… the thing that I don’t even feel like having restored.

What about you?

What rises up and leaves you feeling defeated?

What keeps knocking you over?

What are the areas in your life where you just can’t seem to get it right on a consistent basis? Do you feel shame? Do you feel like you might never measure up in certain areas? Have you built walls around your broken spot?

Maybe it's something someone else did or said to you? Did you receive the kind of hurt that leaves you feeling like you may never stand strongly on your own two feet again? You feel so crushed. Your fears and triggers limit you so much that you feel trapped, imprisoned or powerless because of them.

Is there a piece of you that has lost its purpose, luster, and life, and could just curl up and ...well, sort of.. rot. Right?...cause what else can that spot do if it has no hope?

Your best days are behind you or maybe loneliness is so heavy that the quietness actually, feels loud.

Listen...Whatever that thing is that your thinking about… it’s not easy.

You could use some comfort, and I don’t know if this is true, BUT.. I kind of think that we can’t be truly comforted unless we acknowledge the thing that needs comfort. God, in His gentleness and kindness acknowledges our hurts. He looks to some of us and calls us “the broken hearted”.

I don’t think God is about minimizing our hard things. Rather, I think that He is acknowledging them and wanting to meet us right there, in that hard spot, so He can comfort us.

Are you still imagining walking through the junkyard with me?

As I walked around, I saw some piles of scrap metal that I could barely identify as something that used to be whole car, and I thought, “ok, well THAT IS actually too far gone”

Like, really...some things that I saw there, were actually not worth the hassle, not worth the investment, not really “restorable."

Sometimes we look at ourselves or others and sadly, we think the same thing.

But that is exactly where this “junkyard” analogy breaks down. Because God is so different than the human restorer.

In God's eyes and with His power, no one is too far gone. We are all worth the investment. We are all lovable. Nothing is impossible. In God's eyes and with His power we are all restorable. The restoring process may be hard but the other side offers so much hope.

The restoring process… I’m not going to try to excite you and say that being restored is easy. I mean, if you can imagine all the work it would take to get one of these cars out of this 20 acre junkyard and then having a mechanic start tearing it apart more… with sparks flying, the grinding wheel cutting…. And time passing… it might continue to look hopeless. So, maybe you need a picture of hope…

Let me try here…

Have you ever seen an old car driving down the road? Like a really OLD car… something from the 1930’s. Not the car that has sat in a garage for almost 100 years and has only taken occasional safe little Sunday drive. The kind of car that, quite honestly, has barely seen the light of day! But, the kind of car that did life, drove the miles. Went back and forth to work, on vacation, felt the wind at the beach..and, basically, a car that really ‘lived”.

Eventually, that car, it lost its ability to serve, to give, to cruise down the highway and... ended up, in a junkyard.

Now, do you know how a street rod enthusiast would see that old junked car? He would be excited over it, giddy even, he would want to take it home to his own garage? That mechanic would be obsessed with the rusted out car. He would spend countless hours and dollars investing and loving on that once full of life machine.

And then… eventually, you and I would see this shiny, beautiful, well running car sparkling in the sun, and we would hear the roar from the power that is now under its hood.

Can you picture it? Can you hear it?

That hopeless car...it has a beautiful new life now. A new life FROM it’s brokenness. It now runs, like it's never run before…

That car is the little picture of hope...the knowledge that eventually the hardest work is done...and eventually the broken spots will have a new shine to them.

Will you keep that picture in your mind? Will you hope for something new and beautiful?

Will you allow yourself to take a peek at your potential..

Here is some of what the "Restorer" does for us …

In ezekiel 34:16 (from the NIV version)

"I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak."

Then i learned more about the “restorer’s” heart in Ezekiel 11:19

"I will give them one heart, and put a new spirit within them. And I will take the heart of stone out of their flesh and give them a heart of flesh"

This is the kind of stuff He does. Our "Mechanic"!

He cares… He wants to make things new … and HE is the only one that can!

Here is a little something from Ann Voskamp's book, “The Broken Way” she says,

https://annvoskamp.com/thebrokenway/

I like when she says, “”He believes in the story He’s writing THROUGH you”... THROUGH YOU...through your strengths, your gifts, your story...and your brokenness...He’s got a good story to continue to write through those spots.

Will you trust Him ...the Restorer, the “Mechanic” who has endless energy and creativity to bring that struggling spot to something fresh and new?

I have a verse for you today from Isaiah 57...

Well, it’s that time of year, where SO much of humanity pauses to acknowledge that a little miraculous baby was born over 2000 years ago. A baby who was named Jesus… “Jesus”, a name that almost all of humanity has heard about.

A man who has changed so much….

So, I see it as a perfect time to quote Him. In John 10:10, Jesus tells why He came to earth, He says…”The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”

So, where in your life are you lacking abundance?

The ONE who came and changed human history, came so that we can have a full and abundant life.

I guess that means that there is hope for each of our difficult and broken spots.

There is HOPE...."Restorable (part 1)

jen@layeredphotography.com (Jen Mininger) — Mon, 25 Nov 2019 20:53:38 GMT

This personal project has changed my business in everyeay...
but more importantly...it has changed my life, my heart and my relationships!

It was February 2017. I went to the junk yard for the first time. I went for my heart only.

But God knew that it was for more than just my heart.

In the spring of 2019 I went to the junk yard for the second tome, this time with my husband. I wanted him to see and appreciate what I saw and experienced, and I wanted this to be captured, for you.

We hired Justin Barlup from https://cinematiclovestories.com/ to create a very powerful and meaningful video for us. And by “us”, I mean all of “us”…

This video is for me, it is also meaningful to Korey and as God had it, it turned out to be what Justin our videographer needed to hear.

Now, this video is for you too...

enjoy... or something.

Some powerful truths there … huh?

As you listened...were you considering your own brokenness? That spot in your heart or place in your life that nags you, and leaves you feeling defeated.

That spot that you roll your eyes at and think will never change. It discourages you and even hurts you…

Yeah, that spot.

How are you doing with it? How does that ache leak into other areas of your life?

Do you believe that there might be something better for you from that spot? Some hope? Maybe even beauty from ashes?

Listen, I’ve got my own spots, in fact it's because of the despair that I was feeling from the weight of my own broken places that I was led to Restorable. And in the thick of my despair, I cried out to God… and He helped me.

The process was not easy, nor was (is) it quick. I don't imagine that it would be quick or easy to restore a junked care either.

But in the process of restoring some of my brokenness, God gave me visuals for hope. He comforted me. And NOW, I want to comfort you with the comfort that I have received.

To receive more from this Restorable project go to The Hope Layer Podcast or click here . Or, click below ("newer post") for the next in this series.

Learning to let happiness & heaviness co-exist

jen@layeredphotography.com (Jen Mininger) — Fri, 22 Nov 2019 23:03:14 GMT

There is more to me than just brokenness & heaviness

hey friends...if you listened to my podcast then you heard a little preview from a film that we had created for the Restorable project. This project is so real, so raw, so very very personal to me… and that broken girl that speaks in the video, thats me, its my heart.

But, what I want to hear today is that little excerpt of my story is not ALL of me.

Yes, my brokenness and creativity leaks out into so many parts of my life...but there is more to me than just learning about my brokeness.

So here’s a couple little stories...or maybe some fun facts for ya…

How about I start with my roll model...its Carolyn Ingles. I know she’s not real..she’s a fictional character on “Little House on the Prairie”. I just think she’s the coolest! I love her presence with her kids and her dedication to Charles’ dreams. I love how she made everything from scratch and walked her chicken’s eggs to the Mercantile for some spending money I even love how she didn’t take Harriet’s crap, but was still kind and loving to her. I really could go on and on about her ..but, I’ll spare you! You probably don’t think as much of Mrs. Ingles as I do...and by the way.... No, I did not read the books, but I do think that I would be cooler if I did.

But, some books that I have enjoyed are written by Margaret Feinberg. My favorite of her books, is the one where she visits a shepherdess’ farm and learns more about our Good Shepherd. If you want to check that book out its called “Scouting the Divine.. I also get such a kick out of David Crowder in his book “Praise Habit” His book is deep if you want it to be, but it's also a book that makes me laugh out loud... and I think laughing out loud feels so good!

Currently I’m finishing up a book by Jess Connolly called “You Are The Girl For The Job”. It is SUCH a good book and I am going through with eight other women, but honestly, I think men could really benefit from it too! My husband and I usually have a few books sitting around. We read a page or two in each of them here and there...like “Sacred Enneagram” by Christopher L. Heuertz ...its very interesting... and it's can be alot for my brain to take in. If your into the whole enneagram discussion, then you might want to know that I’m probably an enneagram 2.

Anyway..enough about books..

Here’s a little story for ya… its about my name, not my real name… rather my nickname, for itunes. I recently learned that podcasts are helped by people who leave reviews..idk..somehow itunes knows that and then the show gets higher in search engines or something..(yes, this is also a little plug to subscribe, rate and WRITE A REVIEW for HOPE LAYER PODCAST https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/hope-layer-podcast-jen-mininger-DNK2XtbT7EF/ ..lets get these hopeful messages out!!). I wanted to leave a review for a podcaster that I enjoy listening to, so I left her this well thought out meaningful review and was happy I helped her podcast out. Later when I went to see if it was there, it took me quite some time to find it, because APPARENTLY my itunes nickname is "poop emoji, poop emoji, poop emoji 123456789"!! That's right, thats me! I have no idea how that became my lovely respectable podcast review writing name… and neither do my kids! Though, one of them must have done this some time ago, and we can’t for the life of us figure out how to change it back!! What ya gonna do? We got a really good laugh out of it!

Other than discovering my unique identity online... what I really love to do is hang laundry on my clothesline. It was the first thing that I have asked Korey to put up for me in each of our homes. It's a big part of being at home for me. Seeing those clothes swaying in the breeze, or freezing and stiff in the winter...it's just something that I’ve always been drawn to. Actually, being outside is something that I’m drawn to. In fact, I think it'd be pretty cool if my kitchen was outside since that is where I spend most of my days. It takes a lot of kitchen time to feed our crew! You'll find me at my stove pretty much every day, my mixer quite a bit and even my blender on a daily basis. You see, I'm one of those people who ENJOYS eating healthy food, and right now an occasional organic coffee with some cinnamon and ghee blended till its frothy... mmm..so good!

You might find it interesting to know that I just entered another decade...like, I just had my 40th birthday a couple of months ago? People ask how I feel about it.. Too which, I’m like, “ehh...whatever”. I guess it's just another number to me… we’ll see?!

How about, did you know that I was raised with eight older brothers who loved me well but didn’t tolerate much girly “drama” from me. I am grateful for my upbringing, grateful for my guys who taught me how to throw a football and throw a good punch. And...my daddy...he was my favorite of the guys...and I can’t say enough about his influence in my life.

And then came along another guy… my boyfriend! At age 15, I started dating the boy who has been my husband for 21 years. This boyfriend who is now my Man friend is also the father of our 5 children. Yep..we’ve got 5 kids...who are currently making us parents of 4 active teenagers and a 10 year old. I adore my four sons and one daughter...they truly bring us SO much joy! You’ll learn pretty quickly here that being a wife and a mom was actually all I ever dreamed about, so I can honestly say that Korey and our kids are a dream come true!

God is teaching me that He is dreaming of even more than that for me. You see God has used my long time hobby/side gig/small business of photography to blossom and bloom into something very powerful and meaningful… even something that is now used to help others along in their therapies…

...and I call that service “layered photography”...because its not just your normal portrait that shows your new sweater or whatever. Rather, Layered Photography is a service where I meet with you and listen to your story, then together we create an experience to capture the deep layers of your heart. Friend..it has been really moving to GET to walk with others in this way

But first...it had to be used for my own therapy… for my own heart.

This photo is one of many from my Restorable project. This is the project that has completely altered my photography business that I love. It is the project that has impacted my heart..my life on a daily basis…

The personal project is SO SO close to coming out loud and bold, yet safe and gentle for your eyes and your heart. And while I'm nervous and hesitant about sharing this big thing, I am itching to share it with you all. I am excited to give to you what has been given to me. I believe in the very powerful message that I received from the deep heart work of this project….

So...just a couple more final details (because...honestly, computer stuff is so daunting for me) and RESTORABLE will be in front of your eyes...and hopefully the truths from it will be sinking into your heart. It sure has been quite a project to get this message out there so that a world of hurting hearts can receive another message with hope. I have taken teeny tiny baby steps to launch restorable and huge leaps of faith. Somedays I feel completely exhausted of it and want to throw the towel in. I want to quit this whole idea of offering what I have received to others..to you. But then I’ll have another day where I feel like I got some fresh wind under me and I can hardly WAIT to share all the goodness...to let YOU receive hope and comfort for you heart!

One of those recent fresh winds came from my friend Rachel Kline. Rachel was a girl I followed on instagram who I hoped to hire SOME DAY to create a professional website for my business. When I finally felt God was confirming with me that it was time, and that HE also valued a good website...I got all kinds of excited!!! I contacted Rachel and we set up our first appointment. I sat there telling her how important this website would be, as it is not only a home for marketing photography services, but more importantly...a new and professional home for my blog to be a meaningful space filled with hope and inspiration. I needed this internet home to help communicate what Layered Photography is and who might benefit from it. Aaaand...i wanted ALL of this done for the launching of my Restorable project.

So, I sat there telling her all about it, and as I did, she leaned in, intrigued by what God is doing through this mom and a photographer. And then she said, “Jen, I’d really like you to be a guest on my podcast”…I was like, “.What?!! Seriously?”

But ya know what, I didn’t even have to think about it, (which I typically do…actually, I typically over-think these things!!) but I just knew that this was something that God had for me. I wasn’t completely sure why, but I knew that I was to move forward in it!

So a couple of weeks later we recorded that podcast with Christine Campbell … and If you wanted to listen to it click here https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/faith-family-photography-with-jen-mininger-e50/id1363598827?i=1000448211733

This podcast recording was a fresh wind for me. It was used to whisper to me that God was, in fact, directing me to go audible with you. It was one of the dominoes, in a long line of dominoes to continue to propel me forward. I’d love for you to read about it on my blog at LINK“voices that lead me”...

So, Rachel and I continued the work of building a website. You guys, Rachel was so patient with me and supported me as we pursued creating a useful and powerful tool online. AND...we did it...Rachel did it!! With Rachel’s help, I now have a beautiful professional website for you to easily navigate! This website was another marker for me...another domino down, and another fresh wind for me to help me do my next right thing… take then next step of creating this podcast so I can now communicate hope to more hearts in need.

I am so thankful for the boosts that I receive ..the fresh winds that keep moving me forward to take my next right step ...and this one wind came to me because of the talents that God placed inside of Rachel...cause Lord knows i have NO talent when it comes to computer stuff! And Lord knows...we were NOT meant to do life alone. So… if your needing help with creating a website or help with social media marketing...then go to rachelklinecreative.com/jen cause she is offering all hope layer listeners a huge discount!!! If you need a website..then you get $350 off of that...and if you need social media marketing ..she’s got a package that she is offering for $299..typically its $459. These are REALLY big discounts and just might be the fresh wind that you need….so go to rachelklinecreative.com/jen to get all the details!

Guys...I could tell you story after story of how God has led me...what fresh winds He has given me. How I’ve felt defeated and discouraged time and time again, how my brokeness has gotten in the way and held me back...AND how my brokeness was thing that moved me and directed me to more beautiful things.

Something that I was encouraged to do while in the depths ..was to remember that my depths, my brokeness is not all of me..it doesn’t define me… and Ecc. 7 says that it is good to look at both side of a matter…

So, here I am … a 40 year old wife and mom who has a lot of fun capturing hearts through my camera lenses...and who is leaning into God for comfort in all her broken places and discovering a beauty that I didn’t know before.

AND...here you are...joining me!

Maybe you're here to receive hope and encouragement… or maybe you’ll be journeying with me so that you can receive inspiration to discover how uniquely beautiful God made you, and how He might be directing you to discover what more He can do with your story.

Whatever the reason that you’re here...I hope that you will embrace hope...choose life...and discover what these words might mean for you!

Thanks for journeying with me, because we were not meant to do this life alone! I hope you’ll join me for my next post which will be the beginning of a series of episodes where I launch the project that is known as The Restorable Project!

See ya soon!

I'm goin' audible! Intoducing Hope Layer Podcast!

jen@layeredphotography.com (Jen Mininger) — Thu, 21 Nov 2019 20:27:30 GMT

This blog post goes along with the 1st episode of the “Hope Layer Podcast”...feel free to listen in too.

So...Maybe you know that this blog here began in February 2019….

And Maybe you know that that blog was born out of a photography project…

Possibly you know that the project was therapy for me, and I called it Restorable…

And while that all might seem really cool...I think you should also know that I don’t have it all together over here...like, I am broken just like you...

And actually...what I think we needed to be reminded of even more than that is.... that God uses broken things.

You see, in the midst of my brokenness God sent encouragement to me through my creativity...my photography. Its kinda like how a song writer writes music for personal therapy...or a poet writes a poem to work out the stuff in their hear. Well, I happen to be a visual learner who is a photographer, so I sometimes use my cameras to express my heart.

My counselor would often encourage me to journal, to pray… she would remind me that it is powerful, even healing to put words to our hard stuff

So I would pour out my heart by spilling words all over my journal, and through tears I would share my heavy with my counselor and God. One morning, while unloading to God I was saying things like, “God, Its kind of like this…” and then I would continue with a detailed description to create a picture explaining to God what my heart feels like.

The best that I could do to describe my thoughts in that moment was to speak in metaphors. I so desperately wanted to be heard and understood. I needed to express my feelings, and that morning when my expression was getting so descriptive, I learned that words weren’t enough… I needed to express my heart through visuals.

This need to see and express my heart actually landed me in the middle of a 20 acre junkyard, fully surrounded by other broken things. It was there, with cars much much older than I, that I found pictures of hope.

I set up my camera and took pictures of myself in that lineup of cars, and to be completely honest...I found it hard to leave. I was engaging in my brokenness there...while in the very same breath, I was engaging in my restoration story.

A few days had passed, and I was back at my kitchen island sorting through my junk yard pictures. I sat there journaling and praying about what I saw and what I experienced at that junk yard.

And guys...if all of this doesn’t sound crazy enough to you, well, what seemed even MORE crazy to me was that fact that I stepped even further out of MY comfort zone and shared these pictures with others.

I didn’t know exactly why, but I knew that God was very strongly compelling me to share this project through my social media business page. THIS. WAS. NOT. my comfort zone...but THIS is something that I had to trust God with….

And, I very soon became glad that I did. Cause, as it turns out… this photography project in a junk yard was NOT just for me. I am not the only one broken, I am not the only one who needs visuals of hope…. YOU DO TOO!!

Friend, I felt so surprised and humbled as the feedback poured in about how others needed the same comfort that I was receiving from my Restorable project..

You see...I was so wrapped up in my own heart’s ache, and I most definitely did NOT want my brokenness NOR my interesting form of therapy to be made in any way shape or form...public!

Rather, I wanted to quietly and safely be able to process and grow. And I do choose quietness and safety...BUT...I have learned that PART of my processing and growing is also by offering to others what God is giving to me. To serve and love others in their heartaches...EVEN when my heart has its own aches.

God used my Restorable project to show me powerful visuals of hope that I could receive AND ALSO share!

So… I shared...often reluctantly...but still God used what I could offer.

As your responses poured in, many of you would then ask me, “what are you going to do with Restorable?”

My answer... ”I don’t know, I’m just receiving from it”.

Well..it took me about a year after my junk yard trip to believe that God had more from this project for me to receive, and also to offer (to you). It took me battling fears and false beliefs. It took giant steps of faith to move forward… to share more… to believe that I have something to offer, even in my brokenness. Even without all the answers, even when low on hope, I could comfort others and show them that hope is ALWAYS a deep layer waiting to be revealed!

So, I began a blog… a home to offer more of my deeply layered heart through words and pictures. The first project being very special to me, as it was from my 20th wedding anniversary, when my husband and I took a crazy and wonderful short trip to the west coast for the first time ever! And WE LOVED it! We saw the pacific ocean for the first time, stayed on a dude ranch, hiked Smith Rock, and I even brought along a vintage wedding gown so we could get some really meaningful pictures! It was beautiful and meaningful ...and you might want to check it out...cause it turned into a Layered Photography project that we chose to share. I called this project 20thinOregon….you can find it at https://www.jenminingerphotography.com/20th-in-oregon-part-1

Anyway, because this form of therapy...this capturing my heart with my camera was so impactful, I began capturing others’ heart as well. I call that service, “layered photography” because it's not just your normal portrait that shows your new sweater or whatever. Rather, it’s a service where I meet with you, I listen to your story, and together we create an experience to capture the deep layers of your heart. Friend, its been really moving to GET to walk with others in this way. You may have seen that I do share some of their projects on my blog as well, but ONLY when they feel compelled to share.

Here’s the thing...The step that I took to do therapy to heal from my brokenness, led to the step of sharing my therapy, which led to helping others along in their therapies, then to starting a blog, and now I am slowly believing that God wants to use my words and pictures to communicate the very powerful and true message of HOPE! Because HOPE has been the comfort that I have received from God after choosing to walk through the deep layers of my heart, and now I want to comfort others with the comfort that I have received!

And it's not just my heart, or my journey that has found hope underneath of it all. II have been in awe after each Layered Photography project from the powerful layer of hope that was just waiting to be revealed in each of our broken stories.

I even get really excited about this message...so passionate about sharing it. I now find myself eager to extend this comfort, this encouragement, these powerful visuals and words that God has given me. I want that person out there to hear and see these things...that person who needs it just as much as I do. I find myself curious, who is THAT person..is it you?

And in that curiosity, I realized that this message isn’t reaching the person who is driving a car, or doing the dishes, and juggling life in such a way that maybe he/she doesn’t have the capacity to sit and read. Maybe someone isn’t able to take in these messages of hope. And that my friends, is why I am speaking to you, now audibly!

Yep...this is my introduction to why oh why a girl who only dreamed of being a wife and a mom is now starting a podcast. I have no idea what this next step will lead to, but I am finally taking this step.

Some of these podcasts will be short little messages of hope, while others will be longer and deeper. I hope to also have guests share here and there, to tell us about their own stories of hope, and their own Layered Photography projects. I believe that many of my episodes will be of me reading what I already wrote out for you in my blog… basically, I’m sparing you of having to sit and read if that just doesn’t fit your lifestyle... BUUUUT….i definitely do suggest that you do spend time in my blog, because visuals are impactful! And besides, I am really excited about my beautiful new website! And, I’ve gotta say...if your looking for help creating a professional website then, I’ve got the girl for you! Rachel Kline is a genius when it comes to the computer! And since Rachel believes in the mission of Hope Layer Podcast she wants to cheer us all on over here by offering an amazing discount to you. If you need a new website that is seo friendly and all that other cool stuff that I don’t understand, then go to www.rachelklinecreative.com/jen to get $350 off the cost of a NEW website OR you can get a personal branding kit from Rachel for just $299 (typically $459) These are crazy, wonderful fabulous discounts on valuable services from a girl who knows her stuff! So go to that link, read all the info and take your next step!

Anyway..you guys, this website was really valuable to me and that's why I invested in it. It’s such a useful tool to give to you what God has given to me. And, since I am a visual learner it helps me to SEE those pictures. The photos help the hopeful messages sink into my brain a little further. So basically, if your like me, then this blog will benefit you too...to SEE the pictures that go along with my words...and my heart. To let that hopeful thing sink in for you...let it impact you and inspire you as you move throughout your day. Let yourself be encouraged, and before you know it, you will be encouraging someone else with the encouragement that YOU have received!

Well, Friends, I DID IT! I took that next step and recorded my first podcast! Crazy, right? Well, it feels crazy to me...and Exciting.. But, in reality...its not that big of a deal! I’m just taking my next step, sharing what God has given to me..and it seemed helpful to share audibly.

So go to wherever it is that you go to when you listen to podcasts (for me, its Itunes...that little purple “podcast” app on my iphone) and search for “Hope Layer”, or you can listen to it straight from my website https://www.jenminingerphotography.com/podcast?post_id=noID

I hope it inspires you to take whatever next step you need to take!

AND THANK YOU for joining me! I hope you will alsol enjoy my next episode where I share an excerpt from a film that was created for the restorable project. I will also tell you a bit more of who I am...cause I think it’d help ya to get to know me a bit!

I hope you’ll listen in...and I hope you’ve been inspired today!

Voices that lead us

Tue, 29 Oct 2019 01:57:55 GMT

You might not know this, but I have a super SLOW history regarding this photography business. Like many years of not accepting formal payments for my services…and I believe that the voices in my head from my own lies and fears have played a major role in this. I mean, are Lauren Daigle and I the only ones who have “voices in my head that say, ‘I”m not enough’”?

I think its safe to say that fear is one of the loudest voices and biggest reasons that I chose to grow SLOW! … fear of losing focus on my first loves, fear that I wouldn’t be present enough for my kids, fear of getting too big for my britches, fear of not knowing when to say “no”, fear of it interfering with my marriage, fear of letting down a paying client, ….fear, fear, fear…. And more fear

There were logistical reasons too, like…moving from state to state to state…. Starting when there was no social media, or even digital cameras. Word of mouth was quite different 15 – 20 years ago ..and I sure did not use my own mouth to tell others about this passion of mine! Other “hindrances” like having babies (5 of them), cancer, and serving along side my husband in ministry were definite reasons to hold back,…. Not too mention, I also moved slow because of not wanting to miss out on some of my Daddy’s last days here on earth.

I don’t regret all of this slow grow stuff… all of the waiting for the “right” timing. But I can acknowledge that there was some un-health in my waiting.

For instance, not believing that I had anything truly valuable to offer. That’s really silly when you think of it! And actually there is some false humility in this excuse.

What IS true, is that I DO have something valuable to offer…not because I’m some sort of special or something. In fact, Jess Connolly (https://jessconnolly.com) from my business coaching group, Go and Tell Gals (https://www.goandtellgals.com/), would say; “I’m off the hook…and, I don’t have to be special!”! Rather, God is special and He made me well, and He made you well, and He wants us to give each other the valuable things that He placed inside of us!! Does that make any sense to you???!!! Its beginning to make a whole heck of a lot of sense to me!

Anyway… you can imagine my overwhelming gratitude when I learned that God wanted to provide the funds to hire someone to create a professional website for me! WHAT?!!! Cue the confetti in my heart!! I feel so humbled and thankful…because I realize that He is providing this because He loves me and wants to bless me in this way… and also because He has a purpose in this small business!

A purpose that involves me. Me!

God wants to use me in my brokenness to come along side of others and comfort them with the comfort that I received!

Why wouldn’t God want to invest in something that brings His children comfort?!! (cue…”its time to get out of the way Jen and let God do His thing through me!”)

So… I met with Rachel … www.rachelklinecreative.com and began discussing with her what my business is all about. I told her how I offer normal photography services like portraits and weddings and such…but I also offer this unique service that I have named “Layered Photography”. As Rachel leaned in, I begin to explain to her what Layered Photography is. I told her about its beginnings…about a time when I took myself to a junk yard to capture the deeper layers of my heart, pieces of my broken…yet, hopeful story

I told her about how I wrestled with this project that I later named “Restorable”, and that out of that very powerful project, I began to see that I can offer a service to others just like I did for myself! A service that gives others opportunity to privately share pieces of their heart and story with me. A service that creates an experience to capture those deeper layers of a heart… a service that I named “Layered Photography”.

My goal in telling Rachel this was so that she would understand a bit of the heart and mission behind what I do…and that she might better help me communicate this passion in my little space here on the internet. What I didn’t see coming from this, was the moment when Rachel interjected and said, “Jen, I’d love for you to be a guest on the Thrive Podcast!!

What?!! Seriously?!

Friends, I didn’t even have to think about it, (which I typically do…actually, I typically over-think these things!!) but I just knew that this was something that God had for me. I wasn’t completely sure why, but I knew that I was to move forward in it!!

Fast forward….

I’m driving myself to the The Thrive Podcast recording. I feel calm…and nervous all at the same time. I have peace knowing that this was God’s idea and that He was going to see His purpose through it…but then, my peace gets interrupted with distracting thoughts like …”what if I say something stupid?”!

I begin recording with the very cool, fun, down-to-earth and relatable hosts, Christine and Rachel! Also, joining us was a super adorable baby in the room and two cutie pie toddlers just outside the room (Rachel had a babysitting hiccup that morning). I am sort of wiggling in my chair trying to figure out my role in this interview… and at the same time kind of sort of wanting to pick up that squishy little baby and just cuddle him! I was so mentally distracted at times that I had to close my eyes while talking to keep my focus…I was afraid that they would ask me a question and I would be like…”oh, sorry! What? What did you say?”!!

In hindsight…my personal pressure was completely unnecessary!! This podcast is intended to be real, casual and totally relaxed! So just chill, Jen…right?!! I did eventually settle in … but I think God used my distracted, and self-pressured brain to teach me something….

You see, I drove away from that podcast thinking I totally flopped it. Like I muddled through my words and didn’t communicate clearly…not too mention, I was probably TOTALLY boring!!!!…and maybe Christine and Rachel wouldn’t even want to share the episode!!

Oh.. the voices inside of our heads!!! These voices…this inner dialogue…its actually lies…lies that want to hold me back from doing something that God is equipping me to do.

Can you relate? I mean, are Lauren Daigle and I the only ones who have “voices in my head that say, ‘I”m not enough’”? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIaT8Jl2zpI

Thankfully there are other voices!!

YOURS!

Because after it launched, I began to hear from so many of you… This is what some of you had to say…

“I just listened to your podcast! You are such an amazing person and I am so blessed that you are my friend. I know that must have been difficult and painful but you handled it beautifully! Jesus spoke through you and you showed tremendous wisdom and strength. I am so proud of you lovely!” – Victoria

“I just finished listening to your podcast! Great job, Jen” – Sharon

“Podcast was awesome! Loved listening to you!” – Julie

“I listened to your podcast yesterday. Very well done. You sounded very intelligent & ordered. And I’m a words girl! Your description of the 1st Restorable photos (the language) struck something deeper in me even then the photos did. I love that description!” – Lorrigan

“Wonderful interview Jen” – Steph

“ just listened to your podcast. I believe God used you and will continue to use in amazing ways. I appreciate your honestly, human approach & humor. Since I only ever wanted to be a wife & mom, I understand the hardship of accepting God’s plan outside of that job alone. Obviously, HE has made a way for you to do both and do them all well. I enjoyed hearing your story again. You did great!” – Darla

you guys…seriously! The words that these friends told me about the podcast was way different than the words (the lies) I was telling myself!

and I am thankful!

Because I KNOW….that it wasn’t just some girl striving for something meaningless… rather it was God just using and loving on His broken and beloved!

This unexpected opportunity that I KNEW God gave me to do, turned out to be a gift to me . A gift…. a reminder to LET God use me in my discombobulated state…and then TRUST and wait to see what treasures are ahead! It also served me as a reminder that FEAR that is fed from the internal voices is not a tool to be used to help me decide what I should or should not be doing!

Anyone else with me on that?!!

Friend…If you haven’t listened to it… please head to https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-thrive-podcast/id1363598827 and hear what God does through a few broken girls, just like you!

And, when you do listen…

I hope that you feel a sense of hope and encouragement…

I hope that you see God in it….and I hope that you thank Him for it!

I hope that you share it with your friends that they too might get in on this thing that God is beginning in me…for us!

…and I hope that you also are reminded that God uses us to encourage others even in our imperfect state…and then….somehow…we end up being seriously enriched!!

Listen in … https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-thrive-podcast/id1363598827 … and don’t forget to leave a review and share it with your friends!

By the way..if you haven’t heard … The “Restorable” project is coming VERY soon for your eyes and your heart!…and you just might want to get on my email list so you don’t miss the Restorable launch! – send me an email and say “subscribe to email list” https://www.jenminingerphotography.com/contact

THANK YOU!
Thank you for sharing your encouraging words with me! For correcting the false voices in my head, and for spurring me on to continue on this journey! I am SO thankful for each of you!

Xoxo,

Jen

How to say "Good-bye"

jen@layeredphotography.com (Jen Mininger) — Tue, 29 Oct 2019 01:07:08 GMT

HO W TO SAY “GOODBYE” post

Its been a week of feeling the word “goodbye”…and (dare I say the heavy word) feeling “grief”.

I could completely minimize every single one of the things that I’ve been feeling grief over. I could tell myself to “suck it up”, “its not that big of a deal”, “look at the bright side”…I really could. And as I begin to type this out here, I think, you might say the same thing…. Like, “seriously, Jen?…you’ll be fine.”

But, none the less, they are still there

This week of graduating my first born son, and watching him turn 18, and considering all the changes that come with that….

It feels…heavy. It feels like a grief.

I mean, I’m truly happy for him and proud of him..but there is also this sadness inside of me, some sort of (really) heavy “goodbye” going on…

And also this week, saying goodbye to my husband’s grandmother. Someone we’ve loved…someone who we’ve cherished listening to her stories.

The heritage that her and her husband have passed down to, now, four generations is a gift that we likely can’t even comprehend. The heritage of choosing Jesus when they were young.

This week, she went home to be with Jesus…and it leaves us with another “goodbye” feeling.

Happy? … sure, she was 90, and it was time. She gets to be pain free and unburdened by anything! … BUT …the grief that is there for us… its real.

Also, this week (as silly as it might sound to you..and me)… driving my Daddy’s truck almost an hour away, and leaving it for inspection. I wanted to cry. I told myself, “your being drama, your over-reacting”…BUT… there was this connection, and I didn’t want to disconnect from my Daddy’s old truck. There are obviously some deeper layers there … the layers connected to missing my Daddy are so real. To sit in a truck that was his, that he taught me to drive…and to now drive for an hour and feel a connection with him….yeah, that definitely stirred up some grief, for sure.

And then, other grief things that I so rarely can ignore… a loss of certain ideals that I dreamt of, certain dreams that just aren’t reality.

All those things, stirring …and, you feel like you have to say goodbye.

So, how do you say goodbye?

Its very tempting to NOT say goodbye, or to quickly “say” it, or to shrug it off…put on a happy face…or…something.

But, I’m irritable. Moody. The grief is there.

Heaviness is inside of me, but instead of coming out in healthy ways, it comes out in irritability, or an unhealthy sensitivity …and that’s when I know that it might be better to pause and sit in the goodbye feelings.

So, I did some of that this week. I did some journaling and reflecting…knowing that I couldn’t just busy myself out of it. I couldn’t minimize it. I had to acknowledge it. Acknowledge what is changing…acknowledge the things that I feel like I’m saying goodbye to …or are actually saying goodbye to me. I have to acknowledge why my heavy feelings are looming.

I titled this post, “how to say goodbye”. But I actually don’t have a “how to” answer, because I don’t think that there is a step by step process. Grief is unique and persona to each person…it looks different to all of us. Some of us don’t need this, some of us are really able to not feel the heavy…and that’s great! But for some of us, the heavy just shows up uninvited.

Grief… it sure is an uninvited guest.

But what if this guest is a gift. What if Jesus is inviting me to sit with Him and feel these aches with Him. What if it is a gift to talk it out with Him. What if its an invitation to sit with a true friend….someone who knows, someone who cares, someone who has cried at His goodbyes, someone who has also felt grief.

He comforts me. He lets me be me. I’m not too much…and I don’t have to be “enough”. I am loved and cared for just as I am…right now, in the midst of my emotional roller coaster.

So, maybe you can be comforted with the comfort that I’ve received.. May you can receive permission to feel your hard stuff, honestly. And to trust and believe that you will come out of it too…and hopefully even come out of it more healthy…more loving, more compassionate…and hopefully, less irritable…well, that's what I’m hoping for me.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”

Psalm 23:4

Fear in the Unplanned

jen@layeredphotography.com (Jen Mininger) — Mon, 28 Oct 2019 21:01:03 GMT

Fear in the Unplanned

Even though, Kristie was in the thick of an identity shift, and in the thick of fear...this is what she texted me just before her session....

Friends, she “got it”! While doing her hair and make-up, she chose to “worship”…because she wanted her pictures to be “BEAUTIFUL”! This girl knows where true beauty comes from!

… and then, more so than ever, I looked forward to seeing her, and being inspired by her…because I knew she would be radiating from something beyond her…something (Someone) within her!

So, we met, and before we even began shooting, sweat was dripping down my back. I was so hot standing next to my military friend who seemed tough as nails in the heat, while being (what seemed like) 100 months pregnant!

But, despite the heat…there was this sense that we were about to experience something great…something that was already planned out for her (for us).

We held hands by that pond and asked God to lead our time…

And this is how He did…

As we walked around the edge of the pond, we discussed things from Kristie’s heart that she had previously shared with me

You see, this is not Kristie’s first child…rather, this pregnancy was making Kristie and Josh parents to now, 4 daughters. And…it was scary! Would she be good enough for this calling? What about her other hopes and dreams…would they be sacrificed forever? Was she gonna feel “stuck” in this season of babies, toddlers and potty training…forever!?

And what will others think? Actually…she already knew that… she knew that some were not exactly excited about this new child…they thought it was a bit crazy to have FOUR kids!

There was NO DOUBT in her mind that she loved this new baby, but she wrestled with all the feelings of fear, joy, self doubt, excitement, dread…

In the same breath, Kristie could feel loss and gain. Some days confidence and excitement would ooze from her heart…then other days she would feel a sense of shame and embarrassment.

These negative fears and feelings surrounding the “welcoming” of her 4th child, were something that Kristie was not proud of…

so, to counteract that, she imagined sweetness and beauty for her photo shoot. Something soft, gentle and flow-ey, like a subtle white dress to enhance her beautiful growing pregnancy. But as life has it with 3 littles in the home…she couldn’t get to the store until the very last minute!….and Walmart didn’t have that soft spoken white gown for her to squeeze into. Rather…the only thing that she could pull off for this was bright, bold and RED! “Seriously?”, she thought!

BOLD… the complete OPPOSITE of what she was dreaming of. BOLD, was exactly how she felt walking around with 3 little girls and a growing baby inside of her. And that “bold” feeling sometimes felt defensive and uncomfortable with others’ judgement and her personal fears.

I can relate to Kristie in this…sometimes, I long to blend in, to do the “normal”, to not receive flack or judgement for the life I am living. This pregnancy though, was the opposite of blend in for Kristie… it was bold and a bit “crazy” to some. But, God was working in Kristie’s heart to let her know that HE has chosen some “bold” for her and Josh..and HE knows what He is doing…His plan is perfect and beautiful!

and this dress turned out to be just what her soul needed. Kristie felt beautiful, radiant, and “ok” with herself in this bold red with bold belly! She needed to declare to herself that her life, her calling to these 4 daughters is something to be confident in…is something to continue to embrace… is something that she can boldly smile about!

Kristie began to step into the pond… and it felt SOOO good to cool off… she felt free and present in that moment.

As the water embraced her growing baby, she had a sense of peace and calm. She accepted the gift of this time, the gift of the sun radiating down on her…the gift of stepping into and immersing herself in this water and stepping into and immersing herself into the life God has for her!

With confidence that this IS God’s plan…I watched Kristie use this moment to embrace God’s call for her life as her reality and these waters almost powerlessly surrounded (embraced) her.

Like a marker in her personal identity’s journey…she placed another stake in the ground. A stake to embrace and be liberated in God’s brilliant plan for her life! She felt HIS love and acceptance over her…

This peace and freedom…and belief in God masterfully orchestrating her life… caused her to see more of a big picture….a picture that she could trust in…a picture that she could even smile about

And she began to share some of that big picture with me… some of her back story…some previous trials that could’ve really shaken her and Josh’s faith…but GOD! She shared with tears in her eyes, about how certain circumstances and people have prepared her and her husband for this present day…and this coming child…

Here is a small window into what she shared with me…

in Kristie’s words…

“My husband served in Iraq and Afghanistan and I served in Iraq. We have experienced battles and the loss of our friends, which is ever in our minds. We have lived both overseas, stateside, and moved from coast to coast multiple times. This has enabled us to meet some of THE most genuine, God fearing people across the globe. As God would have it, He placed these people in our lives at just the right moment. Looking back on it, I would say that it took moments of fear, doubt, and anxiousness to notice the subtle, yet obvious encounters with God’s perfect plan playing out right in front of our eyes.

Our lives were forever changed the moment we took the oath to serve and defend our country. And though the military has had a deep impact on my husband and I, nothing could quite prepare us for the exciting news of a first, then second, and even a third child. I am sure some of you can relate.

The uncertainty, the panic, the joy, the fear… the ever circling roller coaster of emotions that comes along with hormones, a change of plans, and a change of identity.

This was exactly where I found myself when we found out we were pregnant with our fourth child, only this time these feelings, the reality of FOUR children, the lack of approval from family, MY plans changing…. all of this felt like a millstone around my neck, and I was sinking fast!

One would think that with what my husband and I had been through, this type of FEAR wouldn’t settle in and take up residency. But, nonetheless, it felt like home. It was becoming a comfort zone, something that I just did not know how to break through.”

While snapping photos of Kristie, I was listening to her tell me more about her and Josh’s past…and talk about how it so deeply connected to this present “shaking” that she was going through. All the while she was surrounded by the soothing waters…like they were embracing her…soothing her, even in the midst of her fear.

It was kind of ironic how she felt these burdens were like a “millstone around her neck…and she was sinking fast”….but there she was…STANDING…beautifully, boldly and honestly….STANDING in the water . As she was talking about all the things that could have/ should have caused her to sink….she was STANDING!

Kristie goes on to say…

“Emotions can be SO challenging! They are ever so fleeting. Trying to talk yourself through these type of panic attacks was like trying to herd cats! They were unmanageable! This is where God comes in and completely rewrites my story. While I was wallowing in my self-pity, and how my plans were changing, my BODY was changing (yet again), and I just couldn’t get a hold of myself, God chose to send me a helper. Someone who has been there, walked this road before me, felt these same emotions, and has come out alive on the other side. Jen approached me with her layered photography, I had no clue what she meant by that, but it sounded intriguing.

We met at a beautiful pond, held hands, and we prayed. We asked God to be present during our photo session, we asked Him to show us what I was feeling, what I see, who I see, what does God see, and what God wanted me to see

I hadn’t really thought about SORTING through, identifying, and casting these fears, anxieties, and self-doubts to God and LEAVING them there. I truly felt guilty, like I wasn’t strong enough, like I was a bad mother because I was SO VERY fearful of having a fourth child. During a simple photo shoot, God was there. He was there in the conversation, He was there in the scenery, allowing the sun to shine on me, showing me boldness, confidence, and the brilliance of His plan. Shaping me, exposing my identity as a woman, a mother, and a wife, and making it so undeniable to me that it is only through His power that changing one’s self would come.”

“God had been preparing me all along. Through the time in the military, God showed me what it meant to fight and never give up. I HAD to use that or I was going to lose it. God showed me what it meant to transition, to shift my thinking, quickly, and not look back. God did not bring me to this situation ill prepared. My life, the trials, the rejection, the doubt, the panic, the fear, all of these things were not a waste, God is too good of a God to let our suffering go unnoticed.

He made beauty from my pain, from my ashes, and He used the people He chose and allowed to walk through the door into my life. All of these things so perfectly orchestrated to reveal to me who I was to become. The mother I doubted that I could ever be, the strength that Satan wants us to believe is out of our reach, and the TRUST that Satan wants us to never feel for our Savior who will never leave us. It took a step, it took help, and it took shifting a focus from self to Christ.

I will forever be grateful as I look back at these photos and SEE the shift from the woman that I once was, beneath these layers, to the woman that I am today. “

“One of the key verses that was used during our session was, “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future” (Proverbs 31:25 NLT).

Friend… how can you relate to Kristie’s story? What are you fearing? What new reality is encompassing your life?… what are you not confident in? How has your past prepared you for THIS?

YOU'RE WORTH IT! (PART 3)

Mon, 28 Oct 2019 03:52:22 GMT

You're Worth It! (Part 3)

…THIS IS WHERE IT GETS A BIT MORE RAW…

This is the part where a girl stands alone… without her anchor… without her support… without her “hide behind."

This was a truly powerful experience…

The time had come for Grant to walk Charley away…time for Meagan to stand strong… alone.

As Meagan watched her two anchors walk away from her, the feelings of vulnerability and awkward rose up something fierce…

…to stand alone… to step away from her identity as “horse girl," “helper," “worker," “wife," and to just BE woman, daughter… little girl…

It felt sort of raw… She felt seen and unsure of herself...

How do you stand alone, anyway? How do you stand there without all those “valuable” identities? How do you know your still worth it when all those other things are shed away?

For Meagan? She could do this, in part… because of trust. She trusted all those truths…those facts about her true identity in Christ. She trusted God….and trusted that it was Him who inspired this whole Layered Photography process. She trusted and took the baby steps into an unknown.

And as God began to give Meagan ease in her own identity… he began to bring a drizzling rain.

I think there is something wild and freeing about being “stuck” out in the rain.

She engaged.

She felt tension... but also freedom, acceptance and personal adventure in her new dress and boots.

Meagan, you were so brave in this moment. I felt nervous for you, excited for you... and proud of you! You did it! You chose to stand alone with God… you stepped into an unknown vulnerable… and it was there that you truly got to own other parts of your identity… the deeper parts..the lasting parts, the truly rich parts of your heart!

I love how you timidly stepped into this time and then eventually, you claimed this time and space… this gift… you eventually were able to reach out and freely receive… even grab it! It was moving for me to just get to observe!

THANK YOU!

As the drizzles started to get a bit heavier we decided to make our way down the hill... because there was one more special thing that needed to be captured!

But, when we got down there we discovered that Grant and Charley were ready to go home… this could’ve been a deflating moment… a moment where Meagan could have stepped out of her identity as worthy and beloved daughter, she could have stepped back into the familiar “care giver” or”peace keeper” role.

But Meagan chose to speak her desire… to trust that the “world” would be ok for a moment while she was being cared for! Because, now, she wanted to be captured as God’s princess… His daughter… she felt that value… that true identity and didn’t need her earthly “anchors” to hide behind!

It feels like risk sometimes to speak our desire or need. What if they say “no." How will I feel? Will I feel unloved, not accepted? Will I feel selfish? Especially for Meagan who is familiar in her role of being the girl who considers others’ needs at the expense of her own self care.

So… we continued!

I placed a floral crown on her head, a simple yet beautiful circle of herbs, flowers and greens. A symbol of value and identity. A visual and physical experience to be reminded that she is worthy of being crowned the daughter of the most High King…and THAT is a beautiful thing!

Meagan is beautiful and can claim that beauty..that identity! So I gave her a chance to move around to feel ease and freedom and even twirl like a little girl who felt no shame… no hindrances!

Then, with my promptings, she began to declare her identity out loud. I listened as she spoke powerful and true words;

“I am chosen,

I am daughter of the most High King,

I am loved,

I am allowed to rest,

I am valuable”,

I am worthy”,

I am beautiful”,

I am created with purpose."

Tears fell down Meagan’s freshly “painted” cheeks as she felt God’s undeniable acceptance for her. Quite possibly similar to those feelings of acceptance and joy that she felt for her reluctant Charley.

Do you know that you are valuable?… just you… you without all the great stuff you do.

Do you know that you are liked and loved by the God of the universe even when your not doing all your awesome things?

Do you know that your worth it?

Whew… I breathe a deep breath! I am moved, I am touched… I am challenged, inspired and encouraged. I am so grateful for how God led Meagan and I through this time. I want to sit in some of these things that God showed me through Meagan’s openness. I kind of want to stay here, and in some ways… I hope that I will! I will go on and “do life”…but I hope that I will do life with more confidence of God’s love for me…His acceptance and patience with me. I hope that I will, more and more, step into my deeper true identity…just like God helped Meagan to do…and I hope that I dance and play more…maybe even in the rain!!

So so grateful for you Meagan! THANK YOU for being so trusting, open and willing to see what treasures God has for you! Thank you for showing me what “liberty work” looks like between you and God! I pray you will keep trusting Him and that you will continue to go back up the hill where God is smiling at you and waiting to offer you a fuller and richer life! An abundant life!! Love you!

And friends, I’ve just gotta put this out there… if this has created curiosity about equine therapy… then please reach out to Meagan at Take Heart … Her team of horses and counselors are professional, safe, experienced… and I just know that God is doing great things at Take Heart!

If you’d like to know more about how Layered Photography can benefit you, let's talk!

YOU WANT MORE OF MEAGAN AND CHARLEY? Here is a link to her words… her heart, her take on this whole experience.

FRIENDS, thank you for joining me here. Thank you for choosing to receive encouragement from the encouragement that I have received! If Meagan and Charley’s posts have inspired you… then I’d love for you to share it with a friend… and maybe your friend will love it too!

Love,

Jen

YOU'RE WORTH IT! (PART 2)

Mon, 28 Oct 2019 03:15:59 GMT

You're Worth It! (Part 2)

Meagan was now ready, ready to be with her Charley, and so they began to walk into a large and lush pasture with Meagan’s hopes of fun and bonding for her and her old pal.

As I watched the dynamic of their relationship, I remembered some things that Meagan had shared with me earlier. Some things that she hoped to see in her pictures… in her “layered photography”… and, of course, she wanted this old friend of hers to be a significant part of the pictures.

As she talked about this special connection, she would laugh and giggle and shed tears…this friend, confidant, this horse was her steady… her anchor.

She shared with me about the gift of equine therapy and the amazing healing stories that she has witnessed, and she hoped that pieces of those gifts could be captured on this day. She shared about the powerful chemistry of “liberty work” and how she dreamed of that happening today for her and Charley.

But rather than bonding with Meagan, it was clear that Charley would rather whinny at the mare in the barn.

Meagan knew that this would possibly happen. She knows that Charley is loyal to her…but she also knows that Charley has a stubborn side… a do things on his own terms side.

But… in her frustration I would catch her giggling at Charley, and I listened to my slightly aggravated friend (this horse girl) express her feelings of total love and acceptance for her independent Charley.

She wanted something “better” for Charley…something that only she could offer… a meaningful connection…loving touch and care. Meagan felt such unconditional love for that stubborn buddy of hers, and wanted to offer him something meaningful.

Charley wasn’t ready for that gift… so she offered him patience.

A patience that didn’t look like a distant friend waiting with a cold shoulder far away…rather a patience that was offered with a gentle pursuit and loving reminders of what could be great. An offer to enjoy liberty/freedom in a protected, life giving way.

Her patience and happiness towards Charley was so moving for me to watch. It was a visual reminder of a relationship that I’m familiar with.

She smiled at Charley in his stubbornness…. I imagined God smiling at me.

God likes me and He likes to be with me and connect with me…

even while I reject or push off the rich connection that He wants to offer to me …

Watching Meagan and Charley in these tense but loving moments…sort of felt like I was watching how God loves me…I think He even adores me. He is patient, He is kind…and just like Meagan had so much to give to Charley…God has so much better to offer me.

And the crazy thing is… its not just that Meagan cares for Charley and protects him…but she also personally wanted to be with him..spend time with him! Isn’t God so similar to this? As God patiently waits for me to choose the better thing (HIM) that He is offering FOR ME… He is also patiently waiting to spend time with me… to enjoy time together…it would also be His pleasure!

I watched Meagan pursue Charley in a very non-demanding, kind and patient way… and I know that God pursues me in a similar way, pretty much every day! I stare and long for something or someone else…just like Charley was taking interest in the female horse.

And meanwhile… God is looking at me… maybe even smiling at me… patiently waiting… yet lovingly pursuing something more life giving for me.

Why don’t we “get it” ALL THE TIME!?! Why do we keep chasing lesser things??

So, good news…eventually, Charley did engage in play with Meagan.

Grant helped as he kneeled down so Meagan could now ride her horse. She is so thankful for the bond that Grant and Charley also have. Grant didn’t have to engage in Meagan’s dream… but he chose to… he chooses to in so many ways!

And together, Charley and Meagan adventured!

THIS…

This is “home” for Meagan… this is safe, free and fun.

She felt wild and adventurous as the two of them ran together in the field.

And Charley?…

Ok, You ready for this?

So, earlier today, as I was going through this post for final edits…I asked God to help me to first “receive” (today)…to listen…to first take in something from Him before I attempt to offer it to others.

And I began to wonder what Charley was thinking/feeling…

So, I texted Meagan and asked her… AND THIS IS WHAT SHE SAID…

“Horses love leadership, they feel safe when somebody else is in charge…when somebody else is watching over them, protecting them, providing for them. When he chooses to engage with me, its because he sees me as the leader and he allows himself to submit to that leadership … in the realest sense of the word “submit”…not in the mis-used sense of the word. In real submission, there is FREEDOM. Now, Charley is really independent, so my guess would be that at first, for him, its like, “really, do I have to?”. But once he realizes that its easier to submit and he doesn’t have to make hard decisions, he doesn’t have to protect himself or always be on guard…then he feels peace. When choosing to engage and connect its always asking, “am i safe?”, “are you in charge”, “will you protect me and keep me safe, or will I?”.

I read her text several times. Does anyone else see the connection here? Could anyone else just about cry right now?!

I do love leadership, I LOVE to feel safe, protected and provided for… I love to engage and connect…

so why do I resist receiving these beautiful things in the most perfect way?

because of my lack of trust?..or maybe because of my independence? Quite possibly, because of fear. Resisting IS often the harder way though…isn’t it?!! Even while writing this, I feel kind of silly…I mean, how can I NOT trust the Creator of the universe?…

But to submit (to accept or yield to one .. to place yourself under), is a path to freedom and peace!

I think of the verse in Job (do you know about Job?…from the Bible… he experienced extremely awful stuff…yet, even in the midst of the hard… he was offered the freedom and peace that comes from submitting to and trusting God)..in Job 38:4, God says to Job; “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell Me, if you have understanding, Who set its measurements?”

…I think God is reminding Job that rest, trust, peace are being offered to you here…but you need to trust Me. You need to know that I love you and care for you…you need to know that I see the big picture….I’ve got this! Things aren’t actually out of control…trust Me…I am good and I can give you peace and freedom…even though you don’t understand what is going on.

And, though Meagan is far from being God….she showed me a picture of God’s gentle and endless pursuit of me.

And Charley…. he showed me the beauty and freedom of trusting… submitting.

This is Meagan…and this is Charley… and this is a picture of a safe relationship.

A relationship similar to what God is offering to you and me.

He will pursue us… but He will also patiently wait for us.

He will be firm with us to help us toward something better.

He will smile and enjoy who we are as He has made us!

When we choose to receive His gifts…He will love BEING with us!

When we don’t feel safe… He can offer us peace, freedom and safety.

He says we are worth it!

YOU'RE WORTH IT! (PART 1)

Mon, 28 Oct 2019 02:24:03 GMT

You're Worth It (Part 1)

Identity, rest, soul care… and God’s unconditional pursuit and love for a girl..actually, for all of us girls (& you too guys)!

That’s what this was… IS all about!

Meagan was 15 when Charley came into her life, and soon after he became her safe place. He was a space where she felt a sense of belonging, and where she felt unconditionally accepted. With Charley, she could laugh and run and rest from all of life’s craziness. With Charley, she could also let her guard down and weep over all of her inner turmoil… somehow, when she was with Charley… she could feel close to God.

Charley became her anchor, her rock… a steady constant of safety and loyalty.

Through this precious gift and her time in the barn. Meagan began to identify herself as the “horse girl," the hard worker at home and in the barn. She was the helper, the responsible one… and it worked for her, (kind of).

This relationship, this place of safety, this identity all led to her dream of a future with her and Charley bringing hope and healing to others’ aching hearts.

Meagan shared with me about how those dream’s roots only grew more strong as she graduated high school and then worked hard for her bachelors, and then her masters.

And how in the midst of all this, she fell in love with and married Grant.

Grant was actually sort of like Charley. He was loyal and loving… but wouldn’t bend or change his personality to please others. He had a strong side as well as a sensitivity. Both Grant and Charley were a gift to Meagan, and Meagan a gift to them.

…and together, the three of them pursued the dream of equine therapy. Not an easy dream, of course… they have had to work tirelessly to build their farm and business while Meagan continued her studies.

That young girl, turned grown woman was still a hard worker, she was selfless, considerate and responsible.

but..somehow, in the midst of pursuing her dream, this “horse girl” didn’t claim time for her own personal rest and peace... not even in her favorite way... being playful with Charley.

How could she get herself so wrapped up in her work and vision… that she couldn’t care for herself at the same time?

Did she forget that she is more valuable than even the dream that God placed in her? Did she forget that she was worth the love and care that she was working so hard to offer others?

Its kind of a juxtaposition… sort of ironic, isn’t it? How is it that, pursuing our dreams can get in the way of caring for ourselves?

Sometimes we need to hear, feel and be reminded of how God looks at us…how He loves us.

Like so many of us, Meagan is on a journey to reclaim that true love and live in the truth of her identity… the part that says that she is valuable… she is worthy of being cared for (too).

It’s funny, how we can “know” something to be true but not live it out?

As Meagan’s session was getting closer, God was whispering her value to her, and as she felt HIS love for her, she began to prepare for her photo session. She chose to spend time and money on herself. Meagan found that “just right” dress and chose to get herself some much needed new boots. Boots, that said to her, “yes, I’m a horse girl... but I’m also a girl... a woman, who is worthy of being cared for and who can take some time to feel feminine”.

The day finally came… photo session day!…and as she was wearing that new dress, sitting in a dreamy barn on a bucket, she should have felt “at home”, comfortable, excited..but instead, she felt, sort of awkward. For in this moment…she wasn’t helping or working, or striving… rather she was being served…nurtured…treated like a valuable girl..a precious woman…one who is worthy of being cared for… and noticed.

And it felt… kind of weird.

She might have thought…”this shouldn’t feel weird... I know my value... God has whispered it to me over and over again”… but there she sat… feeling uncomfortable while “receiving”… “serving” was more her norm.

So, she sat powerless, knowing that this was good…knowing that God cared for her and wanted her to receive… FROM HIM… through my niece, Liv.

Liv thoughtfully enhanced the already beautiful skin that God gave Meagan… then she added feminine touches to Meagan’s long blonde locks…

“Yahweh”… tattooed so beautifully, so permanently on Meagan’s caregiver’s arm. “Yahweh”... a Hebrew word for “God”…

In this moment, Meagan’s giver/nurturer/server was actually a picture of God giving to her. He was using the hands and heart of another to do HIS generous giving!

Sometimes “receiving” can be difficult… even awkward… but how beautiful to get to receive from the ONE whom we could never repay for His infinite gifts… infinite and perfect love.

So, why not rest? Why not receive? After all our identity that says we are worthy and valuable is placed on us because of God…yes, GOD, the creator of the universe! God, the One who was here before we were. He made us…He made the whole universe..and HE believes we are valuable and worthy of care. HE says who we are, and wants to love us in whatever lavish way HE chooses! God wants us to rest knowing that He’s got this (whatever “this” is)!

Friends…I’m stopping right here today… I wasn’t planning on it… in fact, I’m eager to share the rest with you… and I was planning on it… but, I think I’m supposed to allow us to pause for a sec.

You see, this whole thing here is a layered “PHOTOGRAPHY” post… but I didn’t even get into the actual photography session yet! The experience so far has already been so powerful for all of us here at that barn.

And now, as I share this with you… I guess I wonder if you wrestle with these things too? Do you find your identity and value from how much you do for others… or from what you do? Is it hard for you to rest and care for yourself? Are you still valuable if you choose to not do something for someone else?

What if your ability was taken away from you... would that mean that you weren’t valuable any more? What would your “identity” be in then?!

"Just rest dear Meagan… be loved and receive… from ME… you're worth it!" -God

20TH IN OREGON (PART 6… THE LAST OF OUR ANNIVERSARY TRIP)

Mon, 28 Oct 2019 01:58:07 GMT

20th in Oregon, Part 6

Korey and I spent our last morning soaking in the farm, walking around and exploring. With very little pressure of time, we got to talk about all sorts of things in these slow moments.

Together, we imagined the stories that were lived there on that farm, which led us into conversations of imagining fun ideas for our story. One was of us flying out to the west coast and paying $50 bucks to some farmer for his old abandoned truck. We would then (somehow) fix it up enough to drive it all the way back to PA… and, of course, we would take all the back roads and I would be sipping more ginger water!

Such fun we had dreaming and imagining out in the fields with broken down trucks. And now, when I see this picture (above), I am reminded of the value of being slow together…its not always easy to slow down, relax and be present like that… but , oh SO WORTH THE INVESTMENT! It was so good to get away. To clear our schedules for a bit and spend time with the lite side of each other. Life is full, really intense at times... and God gives breathers!

So we looked off into the distance…do you see it? That mountain peak beyond the red truck?

“Smith Rock," said to be one of the 7 wonders of Oregon… and the possible birthplace of the American sport, mountain climbing. That was our next destination… our last destination before we would head to the airport. We were looking forward to this beautiful hike… more sweet moments together… and seeing something so majestic…

Sort of ironic name for the trail we chose to take. “Misery Ridge." ”Most difficult!" Seriously?! We just enjoyed a “breather” from the heaviness... we relaxed and soaked in the lite parts of life… and now here we are next to a beautiful mountain having a very heavy, honest and difficult conversation! Amazing how quickly things can turn, huh?!!

We almost left, skipped the hike, we just didn’t feel like it anymore..

But instead, we stepped into an honest conversation… more tears were shed… and somehow God brought some healing to another broken place inside of us. After sitting in it for a bit… after considering leaving… we somehow got up! We got up, we chose life amidst the pain of our hard talk. We hiked “misery trail” and it was so good.

And, ya know…I think this picture (above) sums it all up perfectly… our Oregon trip, our marriage… heck, life in general!

Cause, do you see those people? They were SO HIGH up there relishing in the moment… seeing the beauty and feeling their accomplishment. We could hear their voices from the distance. They were laughing and talking… and soaking in their victory over defeat. It took hard work, great risk, investment, dependence on friends, adrenaline…trust… no doubt, it also required; disappointment, failures, mistakes, injury (of heart and bones), it also took hope, dreaming, and believing that there was something beautiful to look forward to. It took resolve to not quit, a will to keep pressing on and looking forward to the goal.

And there they stood, at the top…they arrived… and it was worth it! Worth the struggle, worth the risk, worth the injuries, worth the falling and slipping and getting back up again.

Honestly, our marriage has had moments of enjoying places of beauty and arrival… and it IS. SO. GOOD.

But, ya know..these mountain climbers… they can’t stay up there... they will run out of food. They need to go to work. They need to continue living the rest of life.

…and so do we. Mountain top experiences are great… they are worth the effort to get there... but in reality, you don’t stay there- you can’t… but you can look forward, with hope that their will be another one. The best is not always behind you….and not necessarily ahead of you either.

The life that happens “in between” the mountain top experiences can be so painful, sometimes mundane, sometimes unknown, sometimes hard work, sometimes hopeless, sometimes...you name it! But, the “in between” is REAL life and is SO valuable. The in between is what makes those mountain top moments so stunning! The “in between” seasons will require patience, hope, hard work, longing, perseverance, tears…and looking at life honestly, so we can embrace and stay focused on our reality…our right now…all the while focusing and hoping for what lies ahead.

What’s ahead? Well, if you look at that photo again… real close… you will see other climbers on the side of that mountain. Some sitting, some climbing… they were doing the “in between”… they were pressing towards their goal (or possibly, sitting down and considering “going back down”). They didn’t reach that mountain top yet, they didn’t know EXACTLY what it would look like, how long it would take to get there, what struggles would come upon them. In a sense they couldn’t see the forest through the trees. They had to stay very focused on each small and valuable step in front of them…all the while knowing that each “little” step was worth it..it was progress.

Are you like me? Do you also forget how valuable today’s little steps are? I can’t see the big picture… I don’t always know why I am stepping in a certain direction… but God does. He sees… He knows .. He has the big picture perspective… and I just need to take my moment by moment, day by day steps… (I am not simplifying this…remember what the climbers possible experienced on their way up?)

So the picture reminds me to embrace the process of the here and now…or at least be ok with it and choose to LIVE IN it - or despite it! To keep going, to trust and know that God is good, He is creative and can be trusted.

With this big picture perspective, I hope that I can better relish in the mountain top experiences AND continue doing the struggle in between, where memories are made and strength of heart is built.

Psalm 84:5-7… (Jen’s blending of versions here) “blessed is the man whose strength is in You, in whose heart are the highways to God’s presence. Passing through valleys of weeping and winding through lonesome valleys. They come upon brooks, discover cool springs and pools brimming with rain! They go from strength to strength while on these God-traveled roads. They curve up the mountain, and at the last turn—Zion! God in full view!”

If our trip, our visuals, our brokenness, or our hope encouraged you, please let me know how… email me at jen@layeredphotography.com. Or share these posts on facebook or instagram (@jenminingerphotography) or over coffee with a friend, so that you too can encourage someone else with the encouragement that you have received!

Has this picture inspired YOU like it has me?

…if you are encouraged to embrace the process that your in the middle of, to trust and accept the struggle when you can’t see the end result…or to relish in your mountain top moments... then maybe you also want to hang THIS on YOUR wall…

If that is you, then I would love for you to order it right here!

It is an 8×10 print (available in either color or black and white) in an 11×14 black frame that is hand lettered by @bethmartin (um..yes, she is amazing and you can definitely hire her for your own hand lettering projects! email Beth at emrmartin58@gmail.com).

To purchase… just click here my friends!!

Thank you for walking with me…with us!

Sincerely,

Korey and Jen

20TH IN OREGON (PART 5)

Mon, 28 Oct 2019 01:32:30 GMT

20th in Oregon, Part 5

I stuffed that big wet and sandy dress into a trash bag, because we needed to walk away from our precious time at Seaside, OR.

We had much to explore and so little time.

We hopped into that little rental car and drove down Pacific Highway… very slowly, pulling over several times to take in the scene. Its so different then what we’ve seen in Pennsylvania or New Jersey.

Have you ever splashed cold fresh water on your face? Korey loves this! He didn’t splash his face while we were on the ocean… so we had to pull over when we saw this little river calling his name!

We soaked in the views of the coast as much as we could, had a delicious lunch at “Bread and Ocean” in Manzanita... went into a local natural food store for a slice of ginger to drop into my water bottle (because winding on these roads with my camera at the window… doesn’t exactly help my car sickness issues!)

Then we started to drive in-land..

Did you know that Oregon has like, everything? I was told that Georgia has its peach, Idaho has its potatoes, Arizona has its desert… but Oregon has it ALL! They have the ocean, the dessert, the high dessert, the snow capped mountains, sage brush, mountains that were taken over by forest fire, dead looking juniper trees, the tall pines...

And this?… We weren’t sure what we were seeing. From the car it looked like saggy pine trees, but when we pulled over for a closer look, we discovered it was moss…lots of long droopy moss. This was when we discovered that Oregon even has a rain forest!

It was like we saw several different parts of the world in just a couple of hours... Talk about a creative God!!!

Such a good reminder for me... if God can enjoy making beauty and being creative then it is TOTALLY ok for me to take time to enjoy being creative and making beautiful photos! God made us in His likeness and image, so I guess that He made me to be creative…

After our long drive with very diverse scenery, we arrived at “Long Hollow Ranch” where our hosts, Dick and Nancy took us to what would be our little “home” for 2 nights.

I LOVED it!!!! It reminded me of the Ingalls’ home… you know, Laura Ingalls? I love Little House on the Prairie, I think that Carolyn was pretty amazing! She washed her clothes by hand outside, made everything from scratch, got by on very little, adored and respected her husband… anyways.

Dick and Nancy believe that this little house, that we would be staying in, was likely the first home for the original homesteaders here.

I can just imagine that family who ventured out to Oregon to set up their new home, their new life here!

Those pioneers that adventured from home and arrived here in Oregon, so many years ago… Did they build this little home with basic tools and no neighbors to lend a hand? They must have experienced some grueling years of loneliness. I imagine it was blood, sweat, tears, possibly death, but hopefully victories to make a life here.

I wonder if they pulled it off. I wonder if they stayed the course. Did they battle through the frigid winters? How about the years of bad crops? Did they consider quitting and leaving this “dream” gone too hard? What happened to them? Did they move on from this homestead? We do know that Dick and Nancy bought this property as a foreclosure.

What would that original family think and feel if they saw this beautiful working ranch now??!!

I bet they would have NEVER imagined that their farm, and this little “homestead” that they built so long ago, would someday be a place of refreshment for Korey and I. And that, just like us, people from all over the world would come to this, now, dude ranch/ Bed and Breakfast for rest, for reflection, for a safe place to be refreshed! Bet they never imagined that kind of fruit from their original dream and their original struggles…

(Isn’t that little house so cute?

…I wonder if they liked it…maybe they hated it??)

Aren’t we similar to this ranch’s story?

We have seasons of dreaming that turns into true hard work… we know darkness and despair… times of little hope… times of barely surviving… seasons of fruit.. moments of joy and victory… spells of boredom… stretches of rest and peace... seasons of abundance and times of deep painful loss. We have times when we can’t even imagine it all working out… times when we consider quitting and changing our course….

but this land that experienced all of those ups and downs... It’s not only fully functioning now, but its THRIVING… What once was a lonely and desolate place, is now a place for God to bring hope, healing, refreshment and restoration to SO MANY LIVES!!

So, what about broken me… or struggling you? Will pieces of our lives always look like disrepair? Will those places in our hearts ever move past “just functioning” to being fully alive and THRIVING?

What can God do with the rest of our story? Is there hope beyond that valley of the shadow of death? Can the broken and hurting places in our hearts feel free again?

Will we ever be able to offer hope and healing to others in the areas that we know brokenness? Will we ever be able to comfort others with the comfort that we received?

I truly believe we can… If we choose to say yes to trusting in the God who has endless creativity, and if we walk honestly into that unknown…

Because… Matthew 6:25-34 tells me how important we are to God… "If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers – most of which are never even seen – don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do His best for you?” (Message paraphrase)

He sees me, loves me, knows me… and He can do something creative, beautiful and new with my brokenness… and yours!

I’m nearly wrapping up our “20th in Oregon” stories here…

Just one more to go, aaaand – I’m pretty sure its been the most impact-ful part for me. Through it, I’ve gained a picture that has helped me… has given me a visual perspective for each season. If you don’t want to miss it… then go ahead and email me at jen@layeredphotography.com. Just say “sign me up” or fill out the form below and I’ll be sure to keep you posted on my updates! ��

20TH IN OREGON (PART 4)

Mon, 28 Oct 2019 01:01:16 GMT

20th in Oregon, Part 4

Friends, we brought it ALL! The fun, the beautiful, the relaxing…

the heavy, the difficult, the messy…

We brought us, our reality, our honesty, our us.

We didn’t show up to Oregon, pretending like the hard stuff wasn’t part of us… and we didn’t show up believing the hard stuff is ALL of us. We just showed up… honestly.

These photos serve as visual reminder for me that, choosing trust... choosing vulnerability… can create something beautiful. More beautiful than if I were to keep up the protective wall around my heart.

I see beauty, almost dreamy-like beauty…

but… I also see pain, heart ache, disappointment…the struggle..

And when I see all of that… it then allows me to get views of redemption and victory! Its not “arrival” I see though. Remember Part 1? We continue to “dance” in the minefields.

I see me looking into a face of someone that I have given my life to, and someone who I’ve felt hurt by. In this moment, we are looking into each other’s eyes with honesty and we are seeing it ALL.

You know, sometimes I don’t want to see it ALL... I want to just see the best. But if Korey and I didn’t look straight down the soul of the deep nasty AND the sweet beautiful ALL of us… then I’m not sure we’d see grace. Maybe we wouldn’t feel the depths of what redemption is. We wouldn’t learn to accept that we will never be enough. We wouldn’t learn how to truly accept ourselves or each other.

Looking at each other deeply and truly, is NOT an easy road, all the time… but its a road that leads us to a truer (and messier) intimacy. We have NOT figured this stuff out, but we are choosing to continue to learn.

Placing your life, your heart, your weak and vulnerable spaces into someone else’s care, can feel so risky… even crazy at times. Sometimes it DOES feel risky to show kindness, forgiveness, humility, hurts, open brokenness… to lay down our protective walls. And, seriously, at times, it is crazy! I need discernment to determine when it is wise to take the risk, to choose trust and vulnerability, because its not a haphazard, wear my heart on my sleeve, naive puppy sort of vulnerable. Rather, its the kind of vulnerable that looks to the ONE who I can truly trust.

Looking to God… the One who ultimately knows my worth, He declares me valuable and acceptable because of who HE is. He’s a God, who needs nothing in return from me, and looking to Him allows me the freedom to give of myself when HE compels me to give.

So, I gave.

I chose to be raw and joyful in this moment… I chose to be the creative that God made me to be and enjoy. I chose to believe in the acceptance that He has over me..and that is when I am best able to move towards vulnerability. In this moment, that looked like confidently placing myself in Korey’s arms. We looked honestly into each others eyes as he balanced me from falling…

And once again, the camera clicked…

Another pretty picture is created. Another visual to remind me that beauty is possible.

Ironically it feels so freeing to let down your guard. To let go of the thing(s) that protect you… this is just some of the stuff I am learning… and these are some of experiences and pictures that God uses to show me what MORE He might have for me.

Has this encouraged you today? I’d love to know how! Leave a comment here, or on FB or Instagram… or if you prefer… go ahead and email me at jen@layeredphotography.com . And, if your interested in more, then you might want to join my email list - you can sign up below.

Thanks for journeying with me here,

Jen

20TH IN OREGON (PART 3)

Mon, 28 Oct 2019 00:50:47 GMT

20th in Oregon, Part 3

In the middle of our fun beach time... a kind and gentle, sort of soft spoken man approaches us.

He politely told us, “This is really beautiful… the dress, the scene, it just looks really nice." Then he asked if he could take a photo of me with his phone.

So, we got to chatting with Ben… turns out, he went to ART school in Philadelphia years ago… this guy was an ARTIST! So, of course he would want to snap a photo! (Asking to take some random person’s picture… it reminds me of something my daddy, my original artist inspiration, would do!)

After he snapped some photos with his phone (Hey Mr. Ben from OR.. if you did a painting of us… can I see it?), he was kind enough to snap a few photos with my digital camera. I’m so glad he did, because unlike me, he didn’t need to capture the mountain in the background, a crashing wave, or the back-lighting in my hair… cause he saw something from a different perspective.

Do you see what he captured in the photo above? Do you see the reflection from the sky? This is not created on my computer... this is God’s handiwork! The subtle blues and whites in the sky that are reflected in the water - they did a perfect job of framing us in this photo, and I love it!

Thank you Ben for capturing this, and thanks be to God for creating beauty around us and allowing us to see it in a photo for years to come.

Ben carried on with his crabbing, while we carried on with capturing us.

At one point, Korey says to me, “how do you think it would look if I (Korey) took off my shirt?” To which I said, “sure, go for it."

He started to unbutton his shirt then said, “nevermind”. He felt weird, sort of embarrassed… for whatever reason, in that moment he lost his freedom to BE. To be free, unashamed, fully present… It suddenly went away for him.

I saw his lack of freedom come over him like an uninvited guest. I felt sort of sad for Korey, cause here I was feeling such freedom and acceptance from him and God, and I wanted to extend that right back to him. So I told him that I thought it was a good idea and that he should totally take his shirt off… after all we were at the beach… and its actually not weird.

Why do we do that?

How can we have abandoned freedom in one moment then suddenly be totally robbed of it? Did I cause that? Years of critical or sarcastic remarks… was that part of it? I can own that I may have contributed to it, but really, I think it might be inside of most of us. Call it paranoia, call it self conscious, call it becoming an adult… Sometimes there is a place for it, like being self aware, aware of others, behaving appropriately… or something. That’s all good… important even… but right now…this moment, there was NO reason for him to hold back.

This was our time to let go of so much of that. A time to relish in so much of God’s goodness. Almost like worship… and maybe this was worship? Actually… I’m pretty sure it was.

We were totally aware of God’s gifts to us. Completely aware of His crazy love and passion for us. We believed it was HIM that kept us married this long, it was HIM who compelled us to take this trip, and it was HIM who created this fog, this ocean, these mountains. God was completely a part of this moment and it was because of Him that we could relish in it, in a completely free way.

So, if this is all true (and I know it is!), why then do we so often step out of that... that awareness of HIS love and acceptance for us?

...so many reasons.

um…yes, this has been approved by Korey… actually all of these have. WE hope that what we’ve seen and what we are learning encourages, sharpens and strengthens you too!

20TH IN OREGON (PART 2)

Mon, 28 Oct 2019 00:39:01 GMT

20th in Oregon, Part 2

Before I share more about our trip, I gotta tell you about this DRESS!!

A couple of weeks before our anniversary trip, Korey asked me to check freecycle.org for chicken wire for our new coop. Great idea! I checked it out, and here was the conversation that followed:

Jen – “Ok, I didn’t find chicken wire, but I found a vintage wedding dress!!!!”

Korey – (laughing) “Of course you did!”

As a photographer its just good to have this kind of stuff on hand, right?! And it was free!!!

Fast forward to the next week…I’m packing for our trip to Oregon! So excited I’ll get to see the Pacific Ocean for the 1st time..and wishing I could do some AHhhh-mazing photo session there with that vintage dress I just brought home. … then I realize, I CAN, because what would be more amazing then to capture MY relationship with MY husband…and to capture me…a mom, a wife, a girl who is learning where freedom and joy truly come from! So much grace here!

So, I stuffed that dress in my suitcase and we headed for the airport!!!

It was SUPER late on Thursday night when we arrived in Portland’s airport, and after what felt like driving for 100 hours on a dark windy road in the rain, we arrived to our Air BnB in Seaside, OR, and slept, because in just a few short hours we would get to see, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, the Pacific Ocean!!

It was beautiful! It IS beautiful!

and, THIS is exactly how I felt about it! Korey was snapping photos of me while I was taking it all in. I soaked in the environment around me, the smells of the sea, the sounds of the waves crashing, the feeling of freedom, and the hope that redemption is real! I felt so grateful to have this moment to feel not embarrassed, to feel unashamed… to feel freedom to be me! Like a little girl, wild and free (in my free dress!). It felt so so good!

After snapping PLENTY of photos of me in that (now wet and heavy) dress… it came time to capture US. I set up my cameras (film and digital, of course!) on a mini tripod that kept sinking in the wet sand. I established the settings that I wanted and clicked the timer button... then I ran into Korey’s arms, over and over again.

Staying perfectly still, we held our breath. I could see on his face, he must’ve KNOWN that his thumbs were digging into my rib cage and that it HURT! ‘We were both grimacing... holding still, waiting until we heard the camera click.

CLICK. He let me down… RELIEF!

I take a breath as Korey, laughing and wiping his mouth, informs me that he was grimacing because he was watching the SNOT from my nose drip and land directly onto his lip… like, it was in slow motion!!

We laughed SO hard! Tears from laughter forming in our eyes… cause, I didn’t know!! I didn’t know that my nose was running… I didn’t know that while he was standing perfectly still, he was staring at my runny nose..waiting and watching to see where my snot would land! How’s that for romantic?!!

A true highlight of our trip, seriously. It felt SO good to laugh that hard. It felt SO SO good to laugh that hard TOGETHER! In a very weird way, my snot landing on his face while he stood waiting and watching for it…it felt like a gift. A gift from God. We could not have planned for that moment, God knew what would truly bless us.

(Don’t judge us..you know you have your weird too! ��)

20TH IN OREGON – PART 1

Sun, 27 Oct 2019 17:28:55 GMT

Part 1 of My 20th Anniversary in Oregon

Welcome to my very first blog post. An authentic post about my marriage. A most meaningful, personal and powerful sharing from my heart, for my heart. Our memories of 20 years together and our 20th anniversary trip. You guys, THIS is my photo therapy…THIS IS LAYERED PHOTOGRAPHY….and I LOVE it! I hope you love it too. I hope you are inspired. I hope you get goosebumps! Enjoy!

I have reluctance about this. Don’t get me wrong, I am excited to share… but its vulnerable to sort of bare us a little bit here… AND, I don’t want to mislead anyone.

I mean, no need to be jealous or envious after looking at a pretty photo. After all, in one way its just a little highlighted memory of one weekend out of 20 years. It just wouldn’t be right to be envious. Cause while these photos are fun and pretty, they are NOT of a perfect couple living a sweet little life…actually we are husband and wife doing the normal juggling act, raising 5 kids, paying bills and…

…and to be honest, we are 2 very broken people who are grateful for Jesus. If it weren’t for His death on the cross, then would we even be seeing 20 years of marriage?!

So, we honored this marriage milestone by taking a big ol’ crazy little trip to Oregon! Just three nights on the west coast, and a bajillion sleepy hours in airplanes and airports. “What the heck is in Oregon?” (at least that's what I said)… you’ll see, and if your like me, you might just want to take your own crazy little trip!

So here is our fun stories, our vulnerability, our authenticity… here is a piece of our real… a window into our brokenness. We believe its a view of what redemption might look like.

It was my desire to get a good pic of us dancing on our 20th anniversary ON the pacific shore! I wanted to print a giant canvas of it and hang it in our bedroom. I wanted the photo to be a vision of hope and inspiration! I imagined looking at the picture as I passed by it in our room, and singing the line from Garth Brooks’ song, “I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance”… its a good song, and those are good words … but, now that I have this image, I think that that line really doesn’t cut it. It sort of implies that “the dance” is a place of arrival.. but the reality is, we have NOT “arrived”!

This dance photo, this memory, our time together on the beach…its truly precious to us! We are REALLY grateful for it and we do want to hang it on our wall..but when we look at it, I think the song that more closely speaks to this image is by Andrew Peterson... its called “Dancing in the Minefields."

Because, life… marriage is full of unpredictable hard stuff. Like minefields.

…the stuff of life can surprise us and bring harm to us. Sometimes, its good to “dance” around them, but Korey and I are finding that true intimacy happens when we “dance” right on top of them, or possibly regardless of them. We are not ignoring or pretending the minefields (or the elephants in the room) don’t exist. Rather, we talk about those minefields, often we cry about them, and we find ourselves closer and stronger then before, even with our wounds.

We can do this, because we know that God goes with us in those minefields… cause “even though we WALK THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death, we need not fear evil, because HIS rod and staff comfort us.” (Jen’s version from Psalm 23:4)

So, whenever we end up choosing the right photo to hang so large, I might sing Garth’s song, but more likely I think I will be singing “Dancing in the Minefields," and I think I will smile because I will see the pain, but I will know that dancing is still possible! It might serve as a visual reminder..a source for perspective.

“In the face of all this chaos, baby I can dance with you.” -Andrew Peterson

Friends… thank you for walking with me here. This is just part 1 of our 20th in Oregon story. I invite you to follow along on my facebook and instagram @jenminingerphotography to see how this layered photography unfolded for me. To see what God showed me through our time and through these visuals that we captured! I have been deeply encouraged… and its my prayer that you will be encouraged with the encouragement that I have received! If you would like to join my email list then send me a note at jen@layeredphotography.com and ask to receive my newsletters!

Layered Photography Blog

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Pursuing "balance" VS Accepting various seasons.... Part 1 of "Reflections from the Restorable Retreat"

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No matter your past or your struggle, you can have hope. Soak in this authentic talk with Tonya Nagle. R ead the transcript from our discussion here or head to The "Hope Layer" podcast and listen to episode #8

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20TH IN OREGON (PART 6… THE LAST OF OUR ANNIVERSARY TRIP)

20th in Oregon, Part 6

20TH IN OREGON (PART 5)

20th in Oregon, Part 5

20TH IN OREGON (PART 4)

20th in Oregon, Part 4

20TH IN OREGON (PART 3)

20th in Oregon, Part 3

20TH IN OREGON (PART 2)

20th in Oregon, Part 2

20TH IN OREGON – PART 1

Part 1 of My 20th Anniversary in Oregon

Tracy leaned into the old car unafraid
of the dirt and rust that she was now touching.

As I said in an email to my Belize Trip Prayer Team..
“ I am thankful. Actually, I am dumbfounded, humbled and in awe.”

Aren't we all like that line up of broken down cars?

Don't we all just want others to see the best in us?

Don't we all long for someone to come along and bring us back to life?

In the depths of our souls...
aren't we all longing for a soul restorer?

I'm pretty sure that following my dad around arts & craft and car shows

left a lasting impression on me.

As I watched this particular craftsman, bring the metal
to the heat and hammer it over and over again...

Pursuing "balance" VS Accepting various seasons....
Part 1 of "Reflections from the Restorable Retreat"

No matter your past or your struggle, you can have hope.
Soak in this authentic talk with Tonya Nagle.
R ead the transcript from our discussion here or head to The "Hope Layer" podcast and listen to episode #8

Nothing is "too far gone"
(This post can be heard on The Hope Layer Podcast, episode 4)

This personal project has changed my business in everyeay...
but more importantly...it has changed my life, my heart and my relationships!