As I said in an email to my Belize Trip Prayer Team..
“ I am thankful. Actually, I am dumbfounded, humbled and in awe.”

I did it.  I went to Belize and then to Albuquerque, NM!
 
I traveled through 6 flights.  Navigated 5 airports.  Slept in a small building, by myself while hearing holler monkeys outside.  Allowed myself to trade my sweet family time for time with strangers. 

I trusted God to guide me through something that was far from my normal… definitely outside of my comfort zone. 

Yet, I thrived.

I left with fear, reluctance, apprehension… and tears. 

And now, after a week of settling in back home now, I feel so so grateful that God pulled me out of my own head, away from my “controlled” rhythms and routine so that I may feel His love in deeper ways.

It can feel like an impossible mountain to climb when we move to a place of surrender.  It can feel dark and scarry when we enter into a space without all the answers or information.  The months that I spent be-laboring over whether or not I “should” say yes to this trip were exhausting.  At the end of my be-laboring I still didn’t have many answers, I just KNEW that God was nudging me forward.  A deep knowing that God loves me was all that I had to keep me taking those next steps into this unknown trip.

I’m learning that arriving at a place of “surrender” may not require climbing, but rather laying down and resting. 
Yet still, I tend to climb, wrestle and fight for what I think will be best for me…. that is not a peaceful place to be.

(Can you relate?)

And now, that I finally have a bit of a view from the other side, I see some of the beauty and light that He has for me.  From the point when I laid down my fear and moved forward (literally at the Newark airport) into a space of leaning on God to be the controller of all things, THAT is when I began to see and experience His light and love for me.  His rest.

,

Many of you have asked about my trip. Many of you prayed for me. And, I just cannot even begin to express to you how much your support, your champion-ing, and your care has meant to me. I am so thankful. I am so loved.

I would love to give you an update that shares all kinds of Belize (& Albuquerque) goodness, but honestly, I’m still processing. So, while I will attempt to share some of it here now, I kind of think that some of the love-lessons (gifts), may end up in future podcasts, or emails or something.  For sure, the love-lessons will come out in my coaching and the retreat… how can it not?!!  But, since I am not really sure,  I’m just gonna take my time and receive as God leads me in His loving way. 

For now... here’s some cliff notes of five gifts that I received.  Five “love-lessons” ….

 “God is my home”

While in Belize, I felt homesick for my family.  I would look at their pictures on my phone and tears would fill my eyes (pathetic? .. maybe.. but, whatever!).  Then, on my first night in my quiet room with no wi-fi or data, I knew that God was my home.  He has been and always will be my constant home. 

God was with me as He was forming me in my momma’s womb.  He smiled at me as I grew.  Felt sadness for me as I experienced hard times.  He was there when I walked down the aisle and there for the birth of our babies.  He has moved with me from PA, to MD, to NJ and back to PA again.  He has been with me through the  25 years of home-making routines of dinner making and laundry washing. 

HE is my home, and I could be comforted that the God who knows me, really, really knows me, was with me there in Belize.  I went to sleep each night with that truth.. With that comfort.  Emmanuel, God with us.

I didn’t want to miss anything that God had for me.  I didn’t want any distraction pulling me away from the opportunity to be really alone with Him.  I didn’t want to squander this opportunity.   So, my time with Him in those quiet moments were, at first, a potential to be a little nerve wrecking, but I was quickly able to move into the gift that I knew it would be. 

And, there, I felt at home. 
With God. 
God with me.

“God is Love”

In my quiet moments I was able to spend time journaling, which for me is just praying on paper.  I get distracted when I pray, so writing helps me focus, plus I know that there is something science-y good and therapeutic for us when we put pen to paper.

In my writings, I recognized quickly that I was asking God over and over.. "why God, why do you love me so much?"  Daily I would pour my heart out, asking questions, and expressing my worship on paper.  And, daily I found myself asking Him why He is choosing to love me in this way.  Until one day, I sensed His very simple and wonderful answer.. "because I AM LOVE".

Ohhh.. right!  Duh.. God IS Love.  It is His very nature, personality, essence, and character to love. 

I can rest

So, with God as my ever present “home”, and His love so strongly over me, I felt more capable to do hard things (like find my way to a terminal that was under construction).  I was able to be a competent adult with other adults (even though I still feel like the little sister/little girl wherever I go), and I could be more OK with myself, and just relax... rest.

Simply being away from all my daily to-do lists, powerless over what was getting done or not getting done at home.  So far away from any emotional needs that my kids might have… I was sort of “forced” to let go of control (cause, let's be honest. That’s what it is… control!!).  God lovingly invited me to “be still”/rest/relax/release and KNOW that HE is GOD. 

God can manage all the things without me!  He can manage the things in front of me! 

Our NJ pastor (Ed Banghart) used to say that God doesn’t need us to be the CEO of the universe..
So I can rest, which often looks and feels like a deep trusting in the actual CEO of the universe.

God is not done with photography

While God sure is shifting me from conventional photography to do more with coaching and retreats, He reminded me that this craft of photography is so therapeutically valuable, and He reminded me that LISTENING will continue to be a huge aspect of what He will be doing through my gifts and my lenses. 
 
It was a joy to capture A.T. & Crystal (the lead couple that AIM has sent to Belize) with their family.  It blessed them so much! 

As I approached photographing the Belizean culture, as well as the property that AIM is purchasing for “after-care”, I approached it as I would Layered Photography.  I first listened, and from there, God so kindly led me to know how to capture these things. 

Pictures continue to be a powerful tool that God can use to help communicate, and I am so glad that He has not finished using my cameras to communicate hope and freedom to those in need.

NO ONE is too far gone

As the team and I sat around meal tables, took tours of their future property and planted citrus trees at a current “after-care” property, we soaked in the amazing opportunity to learn first hand about the fight to end sex-trafficking. 

I learned very quickly that the more that I knew, the more I knew that I didn't know. 

The trafficking industry is very deep and complicated.  While AIM has been successfully used by God to battle this horrific thing in Cambodia for 18 years, they are now at a new infancy stage in Belize.  It will take years to continue to learn how to effectively rescue girls and restore them to a life that God has designed for them.

“Freedom at all costs” is one of AIM’s taglines.. I learned a bit more of what that means.   (if you want to learn more, check this out)

I learned about how hardened some of the women can be just after being rescued from slavery.   Abuse may be the only way they know.  These girls and women have every reason to not trust another human.  Many of them were sold by their own families.  I learned that prostitution is legal in Belize and that not long ago, 14 year old girls were considered adults, making them extremely vulnerable humans.

It is so tempting to get discouraged and lose hope for this massive mess of an industry, but GOD IS BIGGER.   THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE!  Because, while I learned some seriously heart-breaking facts, I also learned stories of past enslaved women (as well as their male predators) who have experienced radical life-changing love and freedom! They not only heard The Gospel for the first time, but they saw it in action and their lives changed through the unrelenting love of God through AIM. 

I was moved and humbled as I heard stories of women, who endured massive amounts of abuse but through God’s love, they can now live with a passion for justice as well as forgiveness!  Some survivors are now thrivers and are able to find purpose in their pain.  Some have even gone back to the places of pain for the purpose of bringing hope and healing to others. 

It's a miracle. 

It is evidence that no one is too far gone! 

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:19, NIV 

I am the LORD, who opened a way through the waters, making a dry path through the sea. – Isaiah 43:16

 
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. – Isaiah 42:16

The crooked roads shall become straight, the rough ways smooth. – Luke 3:5

Friends, I am so excited about how God is using AIM and expanding their reach. 

They are doing truly amazing things.. AND truly hard things, but they get to have front row seats to some miraculous hope-filled stories!  It’s pretty crazy! 

These people that God has called to be on the front-lines in Cambodia and Belize are real people just like you and I.  They have families, struggles, bents, weaknesses, talents.. and gifts.  Please pray for them.  Pray that they will not lose heart.  That they will not grow weary in doing this good work that God has begun in them.

And, feel free to help yourself to their website at AIMFREE.ORG.  You may discover that they have a SHOP, as well as an opportunity to buy CUSTOM t-shirts.  Or, if you would like... reach out to me and you can buy a Restorable T-shirt that AIM made for me.  The more t-shirts I sell... the more opportunity that I have to hire the rescued girls at AIM in Cambodia to make us more!! 

And now, God, do it again— bring rains to our drought-stricken lives, so those who planted their crops in despair will shout “Yes!” at the harvest!  So those who went off with heavy hearts will come home laughing, with armloads of blessing.  Psalm 126:6 The Message

Many of you have been asking me when I will go back to Belize..
What are my plans? 
Will this be an annual trip for me?
 
My answer?…
I had nooo clue that God would invite me into this kind of trip. 

I also had no idea that I would ever host a retreat or consider life coaching.

And I have no idea what He has in store for me tomorrow. 

Sometimes, that truly scares me, but I remind myself of His faithfulness (Lamentations 3:21)  and how His leading has allowed me to have some amazing front row seats of watching women at Restorable Retreats move towards healing and freedom!  These reminders of God’s faithfulness give me hope and an ability to take my next small lit step into the unknown tomorrow. 

Really, do any of us know what tomorrow holds? 

We don't.. but we can be sure that the God of all hope is offering to be our constant home.
 
He wants to lead us with His kindness. 

He wants to show us that He will light our path along the way toward a beautiful view that reminds us that "GOD IS LOVE".

To you who may be low on HOPE or overcome by fear.....

The God of all hope is helping me move forward anyway....
and He can help you too.
 
May I hold hope for you?

Sincerely,
   Jen