Tracy leaned into the old car unafraid
of the dirt and rust that she was now touching. 

Why would she do that?

What made this cute woman, who enjoys; make-up, jewelry and fashion, well-up with tears over an old junked car?

Why would she feel so relaxed and at home in this moment and in this place? 

It was a cold, muddy, wreck of a place with nothing but abandoned junk.

What was it about this old car that drew her in
and caused her to forget about her unfamiliar surroundings?

The car she chose to help name her “it”  was broken,
seemingly beyond repair,
and likely considered a “total loss” when it was brought to this place.

But, where the rust and dirt didn’t take over, she could appreciate the bright teal paint that once shined.  The fins on the back were not made for function and survival,
but rather for sass and beauty. 

To Tracy, this yucky old car looked vivacious, beautiful and worthy of love. 

She cared for this car. 
She would have liked to have taken it home with her so she could find some way to heal its old wounds.  She wanted to see how it was intended to be… beautiful, free, fun and full of life.

This car reminded her of herself.

As she looked closer to the details,
she noticed the little emblem on the front, just above the headlights. 

It was dirty and faded but she could still see something that,
to her, looked like two arms held high. 

Two arms surrendering. 

Two arms worshiping.

She saw that even the broken and busted up ones can draw us
to the One who still sees life and hope for us. 

Even in the darkness. 

Even while surrounded by the appearance of “too far gones”,
there was enough light and beauty that she could stand
with joy and expectation as she felt seen and fully known by God. 

The darkness didn't overtake her...
but rather, Light invaded the dark,
causing Tracy to shine with hope and expectation,
rather than stuck feelings!

She saw that old broken thing and felt connected to it.

She saw herself in its beauty and sass,
as well as in its beat up and broken. 

She looked at it and somehow felt further heard and understood. 
She even felt likable.

She felt seen for all of her “too-far-gones”,
as well as for her spunk and liveliness. 
BOTH were part of that car, BOTH are part of Tracy.

Time stood still for a moment in that cold space as she leaned into the car
and said with the cutest adoration,
“I don’t want to leave her”. 

And as Tracy embraced and loved the damaged old thing
she felt God’s warm embrace over her. 

HE knows her.

He gets “it”.
 
HE sees all of the damage inside of her,
but HE also sees - HE KNOWS of the beauty
that is wanting to blossom from within her. 

He knows there is hope for her future.

HE embraced her soul and her storied past there in that junkyard. 
And, as Tracy didn't want to leave her "broken" car,
she began to see how God doesn’t want to let her go. 
Ever. 

He wants to get her out of this trapped state,
to make her run like she has never ran before. 
He wants to lavish love and appreciation on her.

There, while acknowledging her vulnerable, raw and damaged state,
Tracy felt chosen and absolutely adored. 

HE sees her in the thick of her damage and loss and He doesn’t turn away,
but rather He takes His clean hands and holds her, unafraid of her. 

He lays His cheek on her head as He embraces her and says…
“I don’t want to leave you”. 

So, lets go back to my original question here...
why didn’t Tracy want to leave the old, dirty car?

And, why didn’t I want to leave the junkyard that very first time I captured my heart there?

I believe it is because it was a moment of feeling seen and known for us. 

It was a moment where we felt so aware of our brokenness, yet fully loved. 

In the junkyard, we were able to give ourselves the gift of honesty, fully acknowledging what our body already knows to be true. 

We took time to go to some hard places in our stories. 

We didn’t shy away from our “it”, but rather we looked at it's hard face, and instead of feeling completely overtaken by the pain, we felt some relief as we released a pressure valve of emotions that needed to be acknowledged. 
And what we discovered to be true, is that we can feel safety and comfort in the dark valley.

There in that junkyard,
Tracy took the courageous step of seeing
her story in that old car. 

She was brave to be honest about what is so difficult,
and, instead of being overtaken with disappointment,
she saw a deep and beautiful layer of hope
that was just waiting to be revealed.

Friend, as you may have heard me say it before.... 
"we cannot restore our own souls". 

We cannot work hard enough to fix the broken parts of our stories…BUT, we can say “yes” to acknowledging what is true. 

We can take time to put words to our feelings as we talk to our Soul’s Restorer, and we can trust that He WILL care for us and restore us in the thick of it.

Some of you may know that you are able to do this by yourself, you know that you are emotionally stable enough to talk to God about your “it”.  And, if you know that you can "go there” alone, then please, go for it.  Pour your heart out to God, naming and being honest about what has you inwardly defeated.  Take the time and I believe that you will find hope and freedom on the other side, after all, you are never truly alone.  God will lead you through “it”. 

BUT, for most of us, we also could use a companion to walk into the valley of the shadow of our deaths.  While God promised to shepherd us THROUGH our “it”, I believe that He has also given us the powerful gift of some safe humans.  If you want to get well… If you want to feel hope, and taste freedom from your shame, pain, bitterness, anger…. But, if you are concerned that acknowledging your “it” might overtake or overwhelm you, then please, consider walking with a professional counselor, a Biblical Life Coach or a deeply trusted friend. 

And as you do, I pray that instead of being overcome with your pain,
that you will be overcome with how loved you are,
and that a deep and beautiful layer of hope was always inside of you,
ready to anchor you.. 

Hey, did you know that I am a certified Biblical Life Coach? 

I am discovering more and more how much I love walking with women in this way! 
Maybe I can walk with you too.

If you would like to consider if Biblical Life Coaching is a fit for you,
then mention this blog post to receive 50% off your first session. 

For more information on coaching with Jen,  CLICK HERE.