So, if you’ve been reading along here for the last several of months, then you know that the last several blog posts were created to share with you treasures that I discovered from planning and being at the Restorable Retreat.  I wanted to extend to you what I received.

I also wanted to give you all an opportunity to sort of “be” at the retreat without actually being there. 

This time of reflecting has been so good for me, and I have been hearing from so many of you how it has been just what you needed to receive as well.   And, I am thankful... so thankful.

Now here I am again. 

May you get to sit back, relax, and take some deep breaths like Rhonda talked about in episode 12.   

May you receive here while I tell you all about the last morning of the retreat and the powerful experience that we had there. 

May this space here feel like a soft place for you to land, even if just for a moment… and may these gifts linger for you as you take time to receive from it before you walk away from it.

And, may you receive these words like a much needed hug.... I think you will.

It was now Sunday morning at the Restorable retreat.   And, I don’t know, maybe it was because I was tired, or maybe it is just that doubting and anxious thoughts can sort of be a “go to” for me.  But early that Sunday morning I was having thoughts of “God, You did so much already in just like 36 hours.  We could be done now.  We might be too tired to receive anymore from You.  Maybe what we received is enough for us to process and maybe, God, we should just enjoy our big breakfast together, chill out and just chat until we head home.” 

Those were my first of the morning thoughts, BUT, I knew that He had more for us, for at least one of us, anyway.  And, I knew that I had to keep moving forward with what He laid on my heart several months before.
HE led me to plan this retreat, and I needed to keep believing that He would be faithful to complete it!

So, I prayed a prayer that I read from Psalm 125:4,5 “And now, God, do it again - bring rains to our drought stricken lives, so those who planted their crops in DESPAIR will SHOUT HURRAHS at the harvest.  So those who went off with HEAVY HEARTS WILL COME HOME LAUGHING,  WITH ARMLOADS OF BLESSINGS.   Amen.”

And once again I walked down those steps while God turned my doubts and concerns into expectation and confidence. 

We sat in that bed and breakfast living room one last time, facing the beginning of our last moments together. 

I began our conversation with something like, “so, yesterday we walked around an old junkyard and captured your hurting thing that sometimes leaves you feeling low on hope.  We were naming our hard stuff and acknowledging the fact that we DO have brokenness stirring inside of us … but on this Sunday morning we needed to remember that “broken” is not our identity. 

“Broken” is NOT the only part of us! 

Meagan then led us to discuss the paradox of our identity.  She shared from the Bible how it is true that we are:

Broken…AND whole and complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10 – you are complete through union with Christ).

Broken…AND restorable, never too far gone, never lost (Luke 15:11-32 - prodigal son story).

Broken…AND worthy of healing (John 5:1-15 - healing the man by the pool, crippled for 38 years).

Broken…AND filled with purpose (Ephesians 2:10 - God’s got stuff for you to do!)

Broken…AND beloved (Song of Solomon 6:3, Colossians 3:12 – God calls you HIS beloved!)

Broken…AND blameless in Christ (Colossians 1:22 – He has reconciled you by Christ to present you holy, flawless)

Broken…AND chosen (Ephesians 1:4 – He chose us in Him before the creation of the world)

Broken…AND made in His image (Genesis 1 – this truth has never changed over the millennia – we are not less like Him now, we are just also more affected by brokenness)

Broken…AND made NEW! (2 Corinthians 5:17 – if anyone is in Christ…the old has gone, the new is here!)

She shared how she could keep going because the Bible is FULL of the paradox of our brokenness AND our belovedness.

We sat together hearing those words… some of us believing those words were true, while some of us couldn’t quite wrap our minds around all of it.  It’s not always a simple thing to believe that you are worthy or whole when you are feeling your broken thing.

The broken thing that we each privately named and captured in a junkyard the previous day. 

How in the world do you move from the hard thing to hope? 

Well, that was exactly what this restorable retreat was all about!

We were given space to privately and safely name our impossibly broken thing.  We did this on Friday night and then we captured it in a junk yard on Saturday. 

But, those junkyard pictures of our brokenness weren’t the only pictures that my friends would receive. We had one more mini photo shoot to surrender to…. Because while seeing, capturing and naming our hard thing is a valuable part of our journey towards hope, it's not the only view of hope.  What we needed to also see was a view of us stepping towards that hope. 

We needed to engage and capture a view of what FREEDOM might look and feel like.

But, before I go on here… let me ask you...

What might freedom look like for you?  What if I took a picture of you posing with freedom in your heart? 

I hope that as you're imagining yourself looking like “freedom”, that you aren't picturing an arrogant stance.  I believe that arrogance, or a need to prove your freedom to someone is actually still a feeling of bondage.  Freedom is freedom.  Freedom is not something that you have to prove, rather it is a gift that you can receive.  Oftentimes though, it is a gift that you have to choose to believe is available for you. 

So, maybe it would be more helpful to acknowledge the things that block us from walking with freedom. Is it past hurts, failures, disappointments?  Do you lack freedom due to fear?  How about lack of forgiveness?  Or, could your lack of freedom come from lies that you believe about yourselves or even lies that you believe about someone else?  When you imagine yourself as that broken down junked car, do you believe that the Mechanic, The Restorer can heal all of you?  What about the broken car sitting next to you?  Do you believe The Restorer looks at him or her with the same fierce love and hope that He looks at you?   

These are the kinds of questions that Meagan and I asked on that Sunday morning in a living room with other women.  Does God want us to live life stuck in our crap…. stuck in our broken down junk yard posture and beliefs? 

Absolutely NOT! 

It is “for freedom that Christ set us free” Gal. 5:1.  God created us beautifully and with purpose and meaning.  Jesus came not only so that we can have “life”, but so that we can have an “abundant life” (John 10:10). 

Each woman received a black sharpie marker and a white piece of card stock paper with their name beautifully written on it.  The next instructions were simple, but for some it felt impossible. 

We spread out around that old farm house for a short time.  We needed some space to be alone with God, ourselves and that bold white paper with OUR personal name on it. 

Some of us quickly wrote down truths about that girl on their paper.  Truths like, “I am healable, I am restorable, I am cute, and I am redeemed.” . 

But, then some of us sat quietly with our paper, marker and our nearly paralyzed hand. 

It can be a hard thing to write certain truths that you feel God whispering in your ear.  Truths like, “I am beautiful” or “I am valuable”.  Some of us don’t actually believe that we are “made whole”.  We don’t know that we are truly “lovable” and “likable”.

But, with some time, and some help, all of us were able to write healthy truths on our own pieces of card stock paper.

I grabbed my camera and we all grabbed our papers and stepped back out into the cold fresh air.  The sun was shining brightly and while it was in fact cold, it was invigorating (or idk, maybe that was just me!!)

One by one each woman took their turn to stand in front of my Daddy’s old Ford pick up truck.  Each of us would hold up our paper and begin reading out loud the truths that we wrote down about ourelves. 

It felt scary for many, thrilling for some, and awkward for most of us… at first. 

But then, it also felt life giving, and kind of energizing. 

As each woman read her truths, I would take pictures of their hearts as it shined through their eyes. 

The rest of the women stood behind me watching their brave friend declare what is sometimes hard to believe.  We listened and we cheered in agreement as their beautiful and hopeful truths were spoken. 

We each took the time that we needed to speak the truths that God had been whispering to us all along.  And after reading the hopeful words out loud in the beautiful yard of a bed and breakfast,  I urged them to think for a second of their broken part that was captured at the junk yard the day before.  I asked some of them what their posture felt or looked like yesterday as they remembered their aching story.  Some were sort of slumped over.  Some had an edge of resentment in their eyes.  Some were weary.  Most were a bit timid about looking into the camera with a very personal pain in their eyes, for fear that the camera’s lens might further affirm what they don’t like to believe is so hard in their lives. 

After taking a second to remember yesterday’s posture, I then asked them another question. 

As each woman got to stand there surrounded by a bright morning sun and new friends, I asked each of them what their posture, stance or walk might look like if they lived a life believing what they just wrote down and spoke to us.

Friend...  I'm so sorry, but I can’t fully describe here, and even the pictures can’t fully demonstrate some of the freedom that we witnessed that morning.  And because of privacy, I did not share all of the moving photos of each woman.  But, I’m gonna attempt here to describe some of it to you. 

But, before I do… may you consider asking yourself, “what would I look like if freedom was inside of me?  How would my life be different if I believed certain TRUTHS about who God says that I am?”

Just take a second here… think about it. 

Picture it. 

Picture yourself looking like your heart is free… looking like your hard thing doesn’t control you anymore.

Did you visualize something?  If you did… it might be a good idea to take some time to write it down.  Write down the beautiful thing that is ACTUALLY true about you.  Write down how believing it would affect your life.

You ready? 
Here are just a few of the stories from what I got to see on this precious Sunday morning…

We stood together out on that lawn as we watched one of our friends stand with her arms close by her side, almost hidden behind her bold white paper.  It was so risky and awkward to stand alone with others watching you.  To stand there and declare with your voice, things like, “I am WHOLE”, and “I am loved”.  How can one say that, when they struggle to believe it is actually true.

But, this woman, she did it anyway.  She did it because God said it is true.  She did it because God led her to this place, and she did it because she wanted to live like those words were true.  And after tears shed and friends cheered, she gave her paper over and took a long deep breath.  Her stiff arms began to relax down to her side and she looked up into the sky, as if to look for strength, and as she did, she would begin to choose freedom.  With tears still filling her eyelids her face began to lift and a timid yet thrilling smile began to grow on her face.  A smile filled with hope and belief that God does love her and not only does He want to restore her, but in this moment, she is believing that He will…. And it was beginning to feel so good, like an invigorating freedom. 

I didn’t know what my sweet and soft spoken friend was going to do next, but I sat there with my camera shooting, not wanting her to miss out on getting to look back and see these photos so that she could remind herself of the work God is doing inside of her. 

As my camera clicked, I watched her begin to slowly take steps out into the open, in front of all of us.  One foot in front of the other.  Step by step, and then she began to close her eyes and open her hands to the sky.  I’m guessing that she didn’t know what she was going to do next, she was just taking baby steps towards believing truths and walking in freedom.  And as she walked, her arms began to raise, as did her smile.   She looked so beautiful there in the sunlight… a picture of radiant freedom!   I could barely hold it together… because of her steps of faith, my joy for her and my belief in God was growing in that moment.

Another woman stepped up to the truck and felt the vulnerability of stating how she is “more than her mistakes”, she is “seated with Christ” , she is “redeemed”, “forgiven” and “held”.  Smiles broke through her face, and tears fell from her eyes as she stated these truths that sometimes felt so hard to believe.  She handed her paper over and began to consider what life would look like if she truly lived like she believed these things.  What would freedom feel like? 

And then, I whispered something in her ear. 

I don’t know if I whispered this more for my sake, or for hers.  Maybe, it was just for me, I don’t know. 

I asked her how it might feel if she were to demonstrate her freedom by dancing like a beautiful ballerina (because, apparently she was quite the ballerina when she was younger… and something told me, that she still is).

She agreed to my invitation to dance, and I took pictures of this beautiful flowing dancer.  She looked so free, as her arms swung wide and the wind blew her sweater. 

I was covered in goosebumps as I watched and admired that picture of freedom. 

Another dear friend began to declare her truths and then I asked her as she stood there with paper in hand…

“what would a picture of brokenness look like for you?”. 

Her thoughtful answer was, “on my knees, praying”. 

And then I asked her, “What would a picture of freedom look like for you?”

and without hesitation she answered, “on my knees, praying”. 

So I took a picture of her beautifully, broken, freedom posture… 

Another took her turn, holding her simple white paper, timid and curious, but ready and confident to state what God says is true about her. 

Other then her name, her paper had just one word on it.    “Matters.”  She just wrote “matters”.  

So her paper read, “Sharon matters”.  That simple.  No show.  No performance.  No good girl behavior.  She mattered just as she is, just as God made her.  No works required, no need for approval.  She mattered.  She heard from God just what He wanted her to hear… she wrote it down, and then she spoke it to us.  And I believe that she spoke something that we all wanted to hear.  We all needed to hear that WE MATTER, no questions asked, we matter.

I could easily and happily tell you eight more powerful stories from what I got to witness as each woman declared her true identity and felt freedom.  Each story impacted me and drew me to the One who was drawing them.  Isn’t it crazy how being honest, broken and vulnerable with another can actually draw both of you towards hope?

Well, then, speaking of vulnerability, I was the last one to go.  I handed my camera to my friend Julie so that she could capture my heart. 

I sat on the edge of my Daddy’s old truck bed, because it felt too raw to just stand alone.  I held my paper, looked at it, read some of the words quietly in my head and then made some awkward sarcastic remarks…. I was stalling.

I was questioning my authenticity, I was questioning if I believed some of those truths on my own “Jen” paper.  But, the truth is, I don’t always fully believe that I am “ok”, “healable”, “valuable” or “accepted”. 

But, just because I don’t believe it, does that make it not true? 

So, I spoke one of them, out loud, and my friends cheered in agreeance.  Then, I spoke another one a little more boldly.  Again, my retreat friends smiled and supported me.  Then a friend spoke a kind comment about my body… I laughed, because how do I accept that kind of truth? 

I continued to speak what I believed God was prompting me to consider believing.  Tears began to form in my eyes, and my voice began to shake.  This vulnerable thing meant something to me.  Stepping towards believing this stuff actually felt so freeing.

When I chose to confidently agree with God over my worth, I began to feel liberated, and ok with me.  It was fun!  Fun is good, and freedom is so nice. 

BUT, the question begs…”HOW do I live this way day by day?”

We are such forgetful people aren't’ we? 

Did you know that the Bible repeats itself alot?  For example, Rick Warren says that the Bible says “fear not” more than 365 times.   

I don’t know how often the Bible instructs us to “remember”, but its alot.  Like, when the Israelites were going through such hard stuff, God told them to remember the good stuff.  In Lamentations 3:21, it says that as we recall God’s faithfulness our hope increases  And, did you know that the whole point of the last supper or “communion” is for the purpose of remembering that Jesus died so that we can live? 

We are forgetful, so we do things like remembering times when God helped us through past hard things, and by doing communion to protect us from forgetting the world’s most impactful and significant gift!!

Taking time at the retreat to write down and speak truths about who God says I am might be forgotten.  Actually, I’m sure I will forget these truths.  I have had days and moments since that impactful retreat where I have forgotten what God says about me.  So, I am doing things to continue to walk towards believing it more deeply.  I visit my freedom photos and words spoken on that day.  I remember how I felt when I declared such good things about who God made me to be.  I battle the lies that want to interfere with these truths and ask God to help my heart and mind agree with Him more and more each day so that I might, more often, walk in the freedom that He wants for me and walk with hope for my future.

If you have a minute, why don’t you grab a piece of paper and write down some truths that God believes about you.  Then, if you feel so bold, send me an email so that you can safely tell someone what is true about you, and it may be something that you have a hard time believing, but that’s ok... write it down anyway.  And as you do, will you imagine what life would feel like if you lived like you believed that truth?  I wonder what your picture would look like if you were captured walking in freedom.



I am not gonna sit here and let you think that this stuff that we did at the retreat was easy… it is actually most often difficult.  Like a wall we can’t climb over,  and then we can convince ourselves that it is even pointless. 

We can feel afraid, that when we consider acknowledging the hard stuff, that it will overpower us and consume us even more… but I am learning that is not the case.  Rather, acknowledging it, and bringing light to that dark thing seems to have a way of causing it to lose some power in our lives.

So many of us have bondage in our hearts rather than freedom.  Bondage.  Like a prison.  And we just want to be free.  It’s sort of an oxymoron, we want freedom, but we hold onto our prisons.  We don’t let ourselves out of that seemingly “safe” place because we think our walls will protect us.  And while I do believe that walls have their place and do create protection, I THINK that sometimes we build walls that were never intended to be built.  We do this for many legitimate reasons, but ultimately we often do this because deep down we are afraid.

But what if freedom can be bigger than our fear?

You see, something that I have been learning is that there is power in “naming” it… putting words to the thing that is so hard for you.  The thing that you would rather try to avoid and deny.  The thing that keeps rearing its ugly head.  The thing that feels so dark, and the thing that you would rather keep hidden in the dark.  But, Ephesians 5:13 says that  “all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light.“

Like I said, I am LEARNING .. slowly... about the power of exposing things to the Light. 

And, one thing that I am learning is that darkness can’t exist in the light. 

So, my retreat friends and I took baby steps of bringing our hard thing to the light by naming them quietly and safely.  For some, this felt dangerous.. And, then even tempting to believe that that hard thing is WHO we are. 

But, we are NOT our hard thing.  Our identity is not our brokenness, but rather, our identity can be something shiny and beautiful that God creates from our brokenness.  …. And discovering that beauty can be such a beautiful and new found freedom!

Friends... the Restorable Retreat was truly more than I could think or imagine... it was great!  It was powerful! 

And, as I have spent the last six months pausing and reflecting about all that God did that precious weekend, I have been strongly compelled to agree that He is going to DO IT AGAIN!

So I pray...

And now, GOD, do it again— bring rains to our drought-stricken lives So those who planted their crops in despair will shout hurrahs at the harvest, So those who went off with heavy hearts will come home laughing, with armloads of blessing.
Psalms 126:4-6

And...I pray that if YOU will benefit from this precious time, that God will show YOU the way to come and receive with us at the Restorable Retreat 2021

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It is there, with my email subscribers, that I will give the very first announcement when registration opens!!!  It is a small and intimate retreat, so space is limited to about 17 women...so be sure to secure your cozy bed and place at our table!

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