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How to say "Good-bye"
Jen Mininger • Oct 29, 2019
HOW TO SAY “GOODBYE” post
Its been a week of feeling the word “goodbye”…and (dare I say the heavy word) feeling “grief”.
I could completely minimize every single one of the things that I’ve been feeling grief over. I could tell myself to “suck it up”, “its not that big of a deal”, “look at the bright side”…I really could. And as I begin to type this out here, I think, you might say the same thing…. Like, “seriously, Jen?…you’ll be fine.”
But, none the less, they are still there
This week of graduating my first born son, and watching him turn 18, and considering all the changes that come with that….
It feels…heavy. It feels like a grief.
I mean, I’m truly happy for him and proud of him..but there is also this sadness inside of me, some sort of (really) heavy “goodbye” going on…
And also this week, saying goodbye to my husband’s grandmother. Someone we’ve loved…someone who we’ve cherished listening to her stories.
The heritage that her and her husband have passed down to, now, four generations is a gift that we likely can’t even comprehend. The heritage of choosing Jesus when they were young.
This week, she went home to be with Jesus…and it leaves us with another “goodbye” feeling.
Happy? … sure, she was 90, and it was time. She gets to be pain free and unburdened by anything! … BUT …the grief that is there for us… its real.
Also, this week (as silly as it might sound to you..and me)… driving my Daddy’s truck almost an hour away, and leaving it for inspection. I wanted to cry. I told myself, “your being drama, your over-reacting”…BUT… there was this connection, and I didn’t want to disconnect from my Daddy’s old truck. There are obviously some deeper layers there … the layers connected to missing my Daddy are so real. To sit in a truck that was his, that he taught me to drive…and to now drive for an hour and feel a connection with him….yeah, that definitely stirred up some grief, for sure.
And then, other grief things that I so rarely can ignore… a loss of certain ideals that I dreamt of, certain dreams that just aren’t reality.
All those things, stirring …and, you feel like you have to say goodbye.
So, how do you say goodbye?
Its very tempting to NOT say goodbye, or to quickly “say” it, or to shrug it off…put on a happy face…or…something.
But, I’m irritable. Moody. The grief is there.
Heaviness is inside of me, but instead of coming out in healthy ways, it comes out in irritability, or an unhealthy sensitivity …and that’s when I know that it might be better to pause and sit in the goodbye feelings.
So, I did some of that this week. I did some journaling and reflecting…knowing that I couldn’t just busy myself out of it. I couldn’t minimize it. I had to acknowledge it. Acknowledge what is changing…acknowledge the things that I feel like I’m saying goodbye to …or are actually saying goodbye to me. I have to acknowledge why my heavy feelings are looming.
I titled this post, “how to say goodbye”. But I actually don’t have a “how to” answer, because I don’t think that there is a step by step process. Grief is unique and persona to each person…it looks different to all of us. Some of us don’t need this, some of us are really able to not feel the heavy…and that’s great! But for some of us, the heavy just shows up uninvited.
Grief… it sure is an uninvited guest.
But what if this guest is a gift. What if Jesus is inviting me to sit with Him and feel these aches with Him. What if it is a gift to talk it out with Him. What if its an invitation to sit with a true friend….someone who knows, someone who cares, someone who has cried at His goodbyes, someone who has also felt grief.
He comforts me. He lets me be me. I’m not too much…and I don’t have to be “enough”. I am loved and cared for just as I am…right now, in the midst of my emotional roller coaster.
So, maybe you can be comforted with the comfort that I’ve received.. May you can receive permission to feel your hard stuff, honestly. And to trust and believe that you will come out of it too…and hopefully even come out of it more healthy…more loving, more compassionate…and hopefully, less irritable…well, that's what I’m hoping for me.
“Even though I walk through
the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”
Psalm 23:4
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Bobbie went from full hustle to full halt and discovered what God can do in a valley season.
It ached to hear the harsh words that she knew could be her own, yet it felt so safe and reassuring to know that God sees her and wants her to have new lyrics in her own heart.
Acknowledging the dark as well as the light feels so honest and helpful in these moments. Although, I will warn, that it can also feel raw and not always easy, YET it is a kindness to ourselves when we start with honesty, isn't it? It is both, difficult and kind.
Letting go.. or saying "no" can be SO HARD ! We don't want to, we'd rather be awesome, all the time, in all the things! BUT... is that really working for you and your people? What do you need to steward (manage, maximize or multiply) better? Do you need to let go of something so that you may better steward something of more value… for a season?
Tracy leaned into the old car unafraid of the dirt and rust that she was now touching.
As I said in an email to my Belize Trip Prayer Team.. “ I am thankful. Actually, I am dumbfounded, humbled and in awe.”
C O N T A C T
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